Christmas Blues, feeling bad when everyone else is feeling good

As every year, Christmas is upon us. Christmas lights are twinkling, Christmas carols are ringing out from practically every corner, and we are bombarded with picture-perfect families laughing in front of an impeccably decorated tree from all sides. Christmas is supposed to be the most joyous time of the year. We are supposed to feel happy and thankful. But for many people, this season is anything but festive.

If all the colours of the Christmas lights and all the joy in the air can’t change your mood, but instead make you feel sad, in a bad mood, apathetic or nostalgic, you may be suffering from what is known as Christmas blues.

What exactly is Christmas Blues?

Also known as white depression or Christmas depression, it is not a mental disorder per se, but rather a negative mood that usually accompanies these dates, so it is temporary. In fact, it is more of an emotional reaction to stimuli such as Christmas decorations, carols, excessive family gatherings and, ultimately, all the paraphernalia that surrounds this time of year.

It was in 1955 that the “Christmas Syndrome” was first mentioned. Psychiatrist James P. Cattell noticed that some people experienced widespread anxiety, feelings of helplessness, irritability, bitter memories of the past and magical thinking about the possibility of solving all their problems with a snap of the fingers.

Later, in one of the few studies that have been carried out on this emotional state, psychologist Marjorie Baier considered that Christmas depression was a reaction to the stress that these dates suppose for some people. In fact, it is not unusual for it to occur in those who miss their loved ones or in older people, especially when they feel lonely. Surveys have also revealed that 67% of depressed people feel worse during this time of year.

What causes the Christmas Blues?

Christmas comes with its list of promises: happiness, togetherness and perfect celebrations. But why can this time of year that is supposed to be the most joyful time of the year become so sad or burdensome for some? The causes of Christmas Blues are as varied as the stories of those who suffer from it. Often, what seems to be a magical time turns into a source of stress, loneliness or pain. In fact, Christmas Blues can be triggered by multiple factors:

1. Too many comparisons.  And it’s not just about the prices of gifts, but about our lives. At this time of year we are even more likely to compare ourselves to ideal and unrealistic representations of what Christmas should be like and how we should feel. In other cases, we compare the current Christmas to those before the divorce, when our parents were still with us, when we were younger or when we felt happier… If reality is too far from the expectations generated by those memories, it is not unusual for us to feel depressed.
2. Stratospheric stress. At Christmas, everything sometimes seems like a marathon: gifts to buy, dinners to organize, social commitments to keep… What if you don’t manage to do everything? The pressure to have and organize a “perfect Christmas” can make us forget to enjoy it. In the long run, all these tasks end up squeezing us emotionally. Stress not only exhausts us physically and mentally, but it also sharpens any feeling of discomfort that is already latent. And the worst of all is that, in the midst of this chaos, we barely have time for what is really important: breathing, connecting and resting.
3. Loneliness squared. Christmas has a special talent for reminding us who we are not with. The empty chairs at the table become more obvious, the messages that do not arrive weigh more and the silences become deafening. Being alone during these dates can be devastating because it collides head-on with the idea of ​​“unity” that these festivities bring with them. In addition, loneliness does not always mean being physically alone; sometimes, it is feeling disconnected, even when we are surrounded by people.

How does it manifest? Symptoms of white depression

Recognizing the symptoms of Christmas Blues is important to understand what is happening to us. Some of the most common symptoms are:

• Persistent sadness. Even though everything around you is filled with joy, you feel a sadness that you can’t shake off.
• Lack of energy. Even the simplest tasks seem like an uphill battle, from shopping to decorating the house.
• Isolation. You avoid family dinners or social gatherings because you feel disconnected from others as you do not share their mood.
• Irritability. Little things that others seem to enjoy annoy you. A repetitive Christmas carol can get on your nerves, and Christmas decorations can irritate you.
• Feelings of depersonalization. Since the party atmosphere doesn’t take over you, you feel completely out of place and even disconnected from yourself, as if you were experiencing everything in the third person.

It should be noted that many people may also feel guilty for not meeting the standards of “Christmas happiness,” so sadness or nostalgia are compounded by recriminations.

How to deal with Christmas Blues?

Christmas can come with a confusing mix of emotions, but when sadness or stress become a constant burden, it is essential to look for strategies to balance your mood. There is no magic solution, but taking better care of yourself and redefining how you want to live these holidays can make a difference.

1. Don’t ignore what you feel. Denying what you feel is like trying to cover a wound with a band-aid – it may offer temporary relief, but it’s not the best solution. In reality, ignoring what you feel means you won’t be able to start looking for solutions. You don’t have to hide your feelings just because it’s supposed to be a time of joy. If you’re feeling sad, nostalgic, stressed, or even frustrated, that’s okay. In fact, labeling emotions will help you understand them better, overcome them, and reconcile with yourself.
2. Rethink your expectations. It’s a good idea to adjust your Christmas expectations to reality. Not every year will be the same, so it’s important to put family situations and absences into perspective and accept the changes that occur throughout life and in your relationships. Also, you don’t necessarily have to feel happy or grateful; feeling nostalgic is perfectly understandable too.
3. Redefine Christmas your way. Who says Christmas has to follow a rigid script of endless dinners, dazzling decorations, and presents? If those traditions don’t make you happy, create your own. A movie in pajamas with a cup of hot chocolate, an impromptu getaway, or even a day dedicated to the simple pleasure of doing nothing can be just as valid as any family holiday. The key is to find meaningful activities that make you feel good, not ones that meet other people’s expectations. Christmas can be exactly what you decide it to be.
4. Practice self-care. Sometimes Christmas feels like an obstacle course of to-dos, so it’s important not to forget about yourself. Make room for the things that make you happy, even if they’re small: a walk outside, reading that book you’ve been putting off for months, or simply disconnecting from social media, where everything seems more perfect than it is. Remember that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, but a matter of emotional survival. Perhaps taking a little time for yourself is the most valuable gift you can give yourself this holiday season.
5. Set boundaries. Instead of putting pressure on yourself to celebrate big things, focus more on the simple moments you enjoy: a hot cup of tea, a heartfelt conversation, or a quiet afternoon. Remember that you don’t have to honor every invitation, host the perfect dinner, or engage in forced conversations. Saying “no” can be hard, but it’s also liberating, so you can use this opportunity to learn how to say no without explaining yourself or feeling guilty. Prioritize what really matters to you and kindly reject what weighs you down. Setting boundaries is sometimes an act of self-care.

What if the sadness doesn’t go away when Christmas is over? In that case, Christmas Blues is probably the warning sign of a real depression, so it’s important to seek psychological help before it sets in. In any case, remember that happiness is a long-distance race, a result of the life decisions we make, and not an imposition or a state into which we plunge during a time of year.

That said, I wish you all a happy Christmas!

References:

Sansone, R. A. & Sansone, L. A. (2011) The Christmas Effect on Psychopathology.Innov Clin Neurosci; 8(12): 10–13.

Baier, M. (1987) The “Holiday Blues” as a Stress Reaction. Perspect Psychiatr Care; 24: 64-68. Himmelhoch, J. M. (1980) Holiday depression, both fact and fiction. Postgrad Med; 68(6):185-90.

Cattell, J.P. (1955) The “Holiday Syndrome”. The Psychoanalytic Review; 42: 39-43.