I’ve always believed it’s important to close the cycles of life. When we can’t turn the page and remain trapped in the past, we miss out on the present and fail to look toward the future. However, wanting to close a chapter doesn’t necessarily mean we’re ready to do so.
Sometimes, speaking with reason, we know we need to put an end to something, but our hearts are still elsewhere. But that won’t close that chapter, simply because emotions can’t be forgotten by decree.
The desire to close a cycle: when the mind goes faster than the heart
Often we want to close a chapter because we’re tired. Tired of suffering, of overthinking things, of feeling stuck, or of feeling vulnerable. We long for relief and peace; we want to stop carrying something that weighs us down too much.
That desire is perfectly valid and understandable. At a certain point, our brain, fed up with the discomfort, tries to reduce it. The problem is that being aware that we need to close a chapter doesn’t mean we’re emotionally prepared to do so.
Emotional healing has its own pace, a bit like physical injuries. If you’ve broken a leg, there might come a point when you’re fed up with being at home and can’t wait to go for a run, but that doesn’t mean you can. You’ll have to wait.
Something similar happens in the realm of emotions. We may want to leave behind what hurt us, but as long as we still feel a knot in our stomach when we remember it or our eyes fill with tears, we won’t be ready to move on.
The consequences of rushing to heal
Lately, there’s been a lot of talk about resilience, but most people confuse it with a kind of “express forgetting” because our capacity to deal maturely with pain and suffering has visibly diminished. In practice, what they call resilience is really a sophisticated form of denial, like sweeping the dust under the rug and pretending it doesn’t exist. This mentality gives rise to phrases like “You have to be strong,” “You have to turn the page,” or “You must move on.”
So, when we notice that our discomfort is bothering others, we start wondering if we’re exaggerating and force ourselves to close the cycle. Then we begin demanding that we be well prematurely, as if emotional suffering were yogurt with an expiration date.
The problem is that disrupting this process is often counterproductive. We won’t heal faster; we’ll heal worse, because, as Freud said, “Repressed emotions never die; they are buried alive and will emerge in the worst possible way.” What we don’t allow ourselves to feel ends up festering.
We might move on, act normally, and pretend everything is fine, but because the wound hasn’t healed properly, it will reopen at the first opportunity. In fact, emotional reactivity is often one of the signs that we’ve been too hasty in closing a chapter. In that case, an innocent comment, a minor argument, or a small disappointment provokes a disproportionate response. Obviously, we’re not reacting to what’s happening, but to everything that was left unresolved.
Another sign is a disconnection from oneself. To complete the cycle, many people learn to numb themselves, which means they stop paying attention to their feelings, minimize their needs, and become excessively rational or hyperproductive. They appear strong, but they lose sensitivity. Over time, they disconnect from themselves to avoid hearing that echo of the past.
However, we must understand that healing quickly does not make us stronger; on the contrary, it can leave us more fragile because it weakens our emotional structures, so that any shock, however small, can cause our emotional scaffolding to wobble.
How do you know if you’re ready to close a chapter?
Whether it’s a breakup, the death of a loved one, or even the failure of a professional project, when the time comes, you’ll know. It’s usually not something spectacular, not an illumination or an epiphany, but rather a feeling of calm when you finally achieve:
Thinking without obsessing
Remembering without drowning
Feeling without being overwhelmed
It’s not that you no longer care, but rather that what happened to you no longer hurts as much. That’s a real and healthy closure, one that allows you to truly open yourself to the new opportunities the future holds.
Obviously, wanting to close a chapter is a positive sign of growth. It indicates that you want to feel better and move forward more consciously and lightly. And that’s perfectly normal. But don’t beat yourself up if you can’t yet, and don’t rush things.
Sometimes, not everything you want to let go of is ready to be released. And not everything you understand rationally has been emotionally integrated into your life story. That’s perfectly normal. Take small steps, at your own pace. Don’t force yourself to close a chapter if you’re not ready just because others tell you it’s time.
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