Recently, doctors and biologists have begun to draw our attention to our society’s tendency to create increasingly sterile living environments. Many specialists argue that our germophobic tendency is actually harmful, especially for children, as we don’t give their immune systems the chance to develop the defenses they need to fight germs. This is why, according to some, the number of children suffering from autoimmune diseases has increased so much in recent decades.
Now, a study conducted in the field of psychology somewhat reinforces this idea. According to researchers at the University of Minnesota, a “tumultuous” upbringing prepares children to face life’s injustices and helps them make better decisions.
A tumultuous childhood can have its advantages
Various studies have shown that children who grow up in poorer, more dysfunctional homes show differences in decision-making, memory, and overall cognitive functioning.
Studies on decision-making, for example, reveal that people who grew up in stressful environments tend to choose small, instant rewards rather than waiting and banking on larger ones. This is certainly an understandable decision, given their history marked by uncertainty. If nothing was guaranteed in their world, it’s natural for them to opt for the certainty of the here and now, rather than waiting for a reward that might never come. In practice, these people apply the saying “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”
These changes have always been considered deficiencies, but now these researchers put forward a new theory: these are just differences; they don’t mean these children will be less capable when they reach adulthood. In fact, they may even make better decisions and be more resilient, depending on the demands of the context.
This study analyzed executive functions, which allow us to process and manage our most complex behaviors, including decision-making and attention span. The experiment focused on evaluating inhibition, which can be understood as the ability to remain focused on the task while ignoring distractions, a skill that has traditionally been linked to the ability to delay gratification.
The ability to switch from one goal to another as quickly as possible was also assessed, a skill that is particularly important for people who operate in unpredictable, constantly changing contexts.
At the end of the experiment, the researchers found that people who had grown up in more tumultuous or adverse environments far outperformed those who had grown up in happier environments. These individuals were able to ignore the distractions of their surroundings and remain focused on the task at hand. They also had the ability to shift their attention focus quickly.
Extreme positivism generates artificial happiness
In recent years, as a result of the spread of positive messages and the explosion of what we might call the “Psychology of Happiness,” we have created an artificial environment in which we demonize “negative” emotions and try to enhance “positive” emotions at all costs. However, life isn’t like that; life is about suffering and laughing, getting angry and recovering, feeling nostalgic and moving on.
Therefore, the tendency to overprotect children from life’s harshness, injustices, and everyday problems can actually be counterproductive. Sugarcoating their world and creating a bubble of false happiness can lead them to form a distorted image of reality and, even worse, leave them without the necessary tools to deal with problems. A child who doesn’t make mistakes won’t develop a good tolerance for frustration; a child raised to repress “negative” emotions will become an emotionally disabled adult.
Of course, don’t get me wrong (although I think some people will), it’s not about following a Spartan style of parenting. For those who don’t know, let me digress briefly: eugenics was established in Sparta, so immediately after birth, if a child didn’t have a robust constitution, they were abandoned on a hilltop or in a ravine. If they survived and endured the cold, heat, and darkness, they were rescued and educated.
It’s not about unnecessarily exposing children to harmful situations, just to temper their character. However, it’s important that this obsession with sterility not extend to the psychological level; it’s essential not to fall into emotional sterility or into artificial happiness.
We can’t protect children from everything, because resilience is only built in adversity. It’s about finding a middle ground, allowing children to develop their own psychological tools to cope with life.
Five principles for educating for life
1. Let them make mistakes, fall, and start over . Parents tend to prevent their children from making mistakes, protecting them because they don’t want them to make the same mistakes. However, there are many life lessons we can only learn by making mistakes, suffering, and getting back up. In that process, we learn and grow stronger.
2. Don’t label emotions. We are not responsible for what we feel, but for what we do with it. This means that it makes no sense to categorize emotions as positive or negative because, no matter how hard we try, we can’t avoid feeling them. In fact, depending on the context, euphoria can be as harmful or inappropriate as anger. Therefore, rather than censoring emotions, we must teach children to express them assertively.
3. Encourage change. It’s true that children need a certain degree of stability because it helps them feel secure. However, it’s no less true that the society we live in is very turbulent, and we need to be prepared to face uncertainty and change. Therefore, parents should encourage an open attitude toward change in their children, so that from a young age they learn to deal with uncertainty and are able to not become too attached to things and situations.
4. Don’t hide reality. Many parents try to sugarcoat reality, creating a false backdrop of happiness. Obviously, it’s important for children to have good memories of their childhood, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t face grieving situations or be aware of family problems. Of course, it’s not about overwhelming them, but simply explaining the situations to them, giving them only the weight they can bear. In this way, we are fostering responsibility and resilience.
5. Promote independence and the ability to make decisions. Adults think children are incapable of making decisions. It’s true that their worldview is very limited, but even so, children have needs, feelings, and dreams, so it’s important to teach them to take charge of their lives from an early age. Little by little, depending on their level of emotional maturity, we must foster independence. To achieve this, it’s essential that they learn to make decisions and take responsibility for their actions.
Childhood should be a happy time, there’s no doubt about it. However, it’s also a critical period for developing many skills, abilities, and values. Therefore, let’s educate today’s children with the adult they will be tomorrow in mind.
Reference:
Mittal, C. et. Al. (2015) Cognitive adaptations to stressful environments: When childhood adversity enhances adult executive function. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology ; 109 (4): 604-621.
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