Forgiveness is an admirable yet tough virtue. While many view it as equivalent to being weak, true forgiveness is actually a robust way of both emotional and psychological healing. It makes it possible for people to move on from past wrongs committed against them, and carry on with life with a much lighter heart.
Forgiveness is often misunderstood; many people believe it means that one has forgotten about the hurt or is condoning what was done. This doesn’t have to be the case, forgiveness can simply be a way forward, a means for healing through the intertwined processes of forgiving and forgetting.
The Importance of Forgiveness
There are many psychological and emotional benefits of forgiveness. People who can forgive enjoy reduced levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. A good example is the evidence published by the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, showing how forgiveness relates to lower blood pressure and better cardiovascular health.
In fact, while resentment fuels anger, forgiveness reduces it and fuels hope, improving mood and mental health, as researchers at Liberty University found.
Resentment traps those who experience it in an emotional prison, while forgiveness not only helps them overcome anger but also find the freedom to explore new possibilities to build a better future. Recovering that personal freedom, through the decision to leave the past behind and move forward, is another of the great advantages of forgiveness.
It can also make individuals feel happier and, therefore, derive more life satisfaction. However, further than others’ forgiveness, one has to learn to forgive oneself. This involves guilt and self-blame, which in turn gives room for self-compassion and personal growth. Self-forgiveness helps in submitting to one’s flaws and having a balanced, healthy view of themselves.
The Process of Forgiving
To be forgiving is a multifaceted process that comprises several steps, including:
1. Admit That It Hurts:
Accepting and acknowledging the hurt caused are the very first essential steps. Emotions should instead be confronted and not buried.
2. Understand:
A deeper insight as to why the hurt was caused can give context and insight into what it was. This may involve having empathy towards the perspective or circumstances of the other person.
3. Release:
This is perhaps the most challenging part. It calls for a conscious attempt to release the negative emotions that keep one stuck in the past.
4. Renew:
Moving on with a positive look involves embracing a future unburdened by past grievances. Personal growth in this step is described as the renewal process.
The process of forgiveness isn’t easy. In several cases, deep anger, desires for revenge, and the fear of vulnerability may be blocking the way to forgiving. In many instances, it is time, along with patience, or even professional help, that is key to real forgiveness. Skills such as mindfulness, and open communication can help on the journey toward forgiveness and emotional freedom.
The Role of Self-Forgiveness
Self-forgiveness is a process in which one recognizes one’s faults and releases oneself from blame and guilt. Self-forgiveness is an intrapersonal process rather than interpersonal, unlike forgiving others. This is accepting that everybody makes mistakes and that the errors do not define worth. Self-compassion becomes salient in self-forgiveness, as it allows one to treat oneself with the same kindness and understanding as one would accord a friend.
It is, however, not easy to forgive oneself. There are some practical ways; journaling will probably help a lot in sorting out feelings and reflections. One can write on the issue: this may clarify the lesson learned in the moment of writing it. For professional guidance and help in navigating through difficult emotions, one may resort to therapy. Some self-help or therapeutic techniques do make a difference in encouraging forgiveness towards oneself, which helps in healing and growth.
The Path to Healing
Forgiveness and forgetting are parts of the process of recovery. They free a person from all the emotional baggage the past hurt has caused, allowing for new experiences and progress. However, sometimes the process can be complicated, triggering feelings that are difficult to manage.
Counseling and therapy, during such times, can provide vital support, professional guidance, and tools to navigate through complex emotions. A professional can provide you with the personalized tools and strategies you need to heal and move forward. Therapy sessions will offer you a safe space to explore your feelings and feel accompanied on the path to forgiveness.
Just make sure you choose a specialized therapist you feel comfortable with. Normally the psychologists who offer this type of treatment have completed one of the Masters in Mental Health Counseling or some similar program. This way you can accelerate the healing process, promoting more genuine forgiveness that allows you to move forward without that emotional weight.
Forgetting: Misunderstood Concept
Many also misunderstand “forgetting” in the context of forgiveness. Forgetting does not entail forgetting the hurt or the wrong but its power over you. It is to neutralize the emotional charge of events, making them just ordinary history without any impact on your present well-being. It is all about reframing the narrative with a focus on the lessons learned, rather than the pain endured.
There are several positive ways to handle memories of past hurt constructively. Mindfulness practices can make that a person remains present, thus reducing the impact of painful memories. Cognitive reframing enables an individual, through therapy, to modify how they think about and view events occurring in the past. Aspects of personal growth and some positive changes that have occurred due to these adversities can find a focus in the lives of individuals, giving very little room for past hurt to control them; in turn, allowing them to move on with resilience.
Forgiveness and forgetting are two great weapons that one can use to arrive at freedom from the constraints of emotional hurt. With understanding and application, this is the gateway to individual growth and wellbeing. Today, embrace the journey toward forgiveness, and its transforming power that brings peace, strength, and fulfillment.
References:
Kim, J. J. et. Al. (2022) Indirect Effects of Forgiveness on Psychological Health Through Anger and Hope: A Parallel Mediation Analysis. J Relig Health; 61(5): 3729–3746.
Lawler, K.A. et. Al. (2003) A Change of Heart: Cardiovascular Correlates of Forgiveness in Response to Interpersonal Conflict. J Behav Med, 26;373–393.
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