“Don’t park a mile from your destination just because you think you won’t find a space closer. Go exactly where you want to be. If there’s no space, you always have the opportunity to turn around. In other words: don’t get complacent too quickly in your life.”
“Do what you’re passionate about, do what truly matters to you. Don’t implement Plan B, the safety plan, until you’ve tried Plan A.”
These were the words of Catherine Drew Gilpin Faust in one of Harvard University’s commencement speeches. And Professor Faust knows what she’s talking about, as she was the first woman to hold the position of president at that university. In this speech, she outlined her “Free Parking Space Theory of Life.”
And when we talk about important decisions in life, those that determine our destiny, it’s important to reflect and choose a path we won’t regret later. It’s essential to set the most ambitious goal and strive to achieve it. This way, there’s no room for phrases like ” if only that time… ” or ” what would have happened if… “
You are your goals and your path, don’t neglect anything.
Fighting for your dreams and daring to achieve them is the key to living without regrets. However, it also holds a deadly danger.
For example, imagine you have a very ambitious dream and you work tirelessly to achieve it. You give it your all, day after day, to achieve the desired success. However, it’s likely that when you reach your goal, you’ll feel empty inside, that you won’t achieve the satisfaction you dreamed of. Consequently, this will lead you to wonder if you really did the right thing, if it was worth all the sacrifice. At that very moment, you might wonder if you wouldn’t have better invested those years enjoying other pleasures in life, instead of giving 100% to your dream.
In fact, a very interesting study conducted at University College London proved beyond a shadow of a doubt something you probably already know: that we’re terrible at predicting our emotional reactions to future situations. In this experiment, psychologists recruited 47 people and gave them £10, which they were to share however they wished with a stranger in another room. However, they were told that if the stranger refused their offer, they would both leave empty-handed. They were then asked how they would feel if that happened.
Obviously, everything was set up so that the stranger would reject the offer and the people would lose the money because the goal was to evaluate how accurately participants could predict their emotions upon rejection.
Surprisingly, most participants were less disappointed than they expected.
These researchers then recruited 27 students and asked them to predict how they would feel if they got a low or high grade on one of the end-of-course exams. The researchers returned after the exam and asked them how they felt. Once again, they found they had overestimated their feelings, both negative and positive.
These experiments show us that we tend to exaggerate the emotional impact of situations, thinking it will make us feel better or worse. Therefore, after longing for a dream, when it finally comes true, we don’t feel as happy as we expected. Realizing this can be devastating, especially if we’ve spent a lot of time on that project and have pinned many of our hopes on that goal.
Therefore, while it’s true that we must aim high, that we must fight for our dreams and never be complacent, it’s no less true that we must learn to enjoy the journey. It’s important to find a balance, because otherwise, we run the risk of reaching our goal empty-handed.
This means that as we follow the path toward our dreams, we must also learn to value what we have, here and now. This isn’t a contradiction in terms, but rather a way of avoiding living in frustration, constantly waiting for our dreams to come true.
This also means we should conserve our energy and effort. It’s not about always finding the best parking space, no matter what. In our daily lives, we can get rid of that obsessive tendency to achieve perfection and simply settle for a good spot, because constantly searching for the best option, the one that meets all our needs, not only wastes valuable time but can be very frustrating.
What lessons does the free parking theory teach us about life?
– Don’t be afraid of failure or making mistakes , because you can always return to your comfort zone. Remember that there’s no worse regret than the dreams you let slip away because you didn’t have the courage to seize them at the right time.
– When it comes to big dreams, don’t immediately go for “Plan B.” Dare to take risks, because only then will you know what you’re capable of. When you force yourself to go further, you expand your potential and give your best.
– If you fail, don’t be ashamed ; mistakes are human and part of learning. Just accept the experience, don’t get discouraged, and get back to work to find a more realistic and achievable project.
– As you pursue your dreams, remember to enjoy the present , because it’s all you have. Don’t let the promise of the future rob you of the happiness you can enjoy right now. Look to the future with hope, not frustration.
Reference:
Sevdalis, N. & Harvey, N. (2007) Biased forecasting of postdecisional affect. Psychological Science; 18: 678-681.
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