Many times, the cause of unhappiness lies in our understanding of the world and, above all, in all the things we cling to. This excessive attachment generates pain, stress and suffering, although generally we do not realize it, so instead of practicing the detachment, we cling even more to what hurts us. So, if you want to be happier, or at least maintain a certain psychological balance that allows you to enjoy the life more, it is convenient that you let go all the things that are damaging you and do not contribute to anything.
Renouncing is not losing, but opening up to new opportunities
1. Renounce the need to always be right
“To most people, I prefer to give them reason quickly, rather than listen to them,” said Montesquieu. He was referring to the fact that many discussions begin and continue only because we cling to the desire to be right. However, in many cases it is convenient to ask if it is more important to be right, with all the psychological wear that this entails, than to maintain serenity. Sometimes, we simply have to get rid of that urgent need to jump from one discussion to another struggling to see who is wrong. When we renounce to the need to be right, we will live much lighter.
2. Renounce the need to control everything
“When we can no longer change the situation, we can only change ourselves,” said Viktor Frankl to say that often, the only thing we can control are our reactions. Therefore, it is important to renounce to the need to control everything that happens around us, both situations and people. Releasing the control can be very strange at the beginning, you will feel that you have no handles, but very soon you will realize that it is the best way to get rid of stress. Let others be themselves and learn to adapt to the circumstances.
3. Renounce the urge to complain
“Those who complain about the way the ball bounces are those who do not know how to hit it,” said José Ingenieros. For our mental balance, it is essential that we give up that constant need to complain about everything, the boss, the partner, the employee on duty, the weather, the politicians… When the complaints do not lead anywhere, do not lead us to a plan to change what bothers us, usually serve only to generate even more discomfort. This doesn’t mean that you have to passively suffer everything that happens to you, but if you want to change something, do it! Do not remain seated complaining.
4. Renounce to criticize
“Our criticism is to reproach others for not having the qualities we think we have,” said Jules Renard. Unfortunately, for many people, criticism is like breathing, something natural that has been established in their way of thinking. However, criticism is usually one of the most debilitating habits we have since it generally does not lead us anywhere. Criticizing others means that we are allocating too many resources to assess what they do or don’t, instead of concentrating on how we can improve ourselves.
5. Renounce the need to impress others
“What do you think most people spend their lives on? To impress others!” said Anthony de Mello. However, if there is something that makes you unhappy, is to live according to the canons of the others, wanting to impress them. That kind of thinking will take you away from your essence, to such an extent that it can end up emptying your life of meaning. Instead, you should strive to be authentic and improve yourself every day. At that moment a small miracle occurs: when you stop striving to impress the others, you really impress them with your naturalness.
6. Renounce the labels
“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you do not know anything about,” said Wayne Dyer. It is true that labels make it easier for us to relate to the world, as they allow us to classify everything, from situations to people. However, precisely because of this, they also become a double-edged sword, since they represent an extremely reductionist vision of the complex reality. When you label someone or yourself, you immediately lose the sight of all the wealth that does not fit in that label. Therefore, be sure to use as few labels as possible.
7. Renounce to live up to expectations
“Peace begins when expectations are over”, simply explained Sri Chinmoy. Unfortunately, many people fail to get rid of their influence and live bitter because they feed unreal expectations. Thus, they spend their entire lives passing from one disappointment to another and from one disillusion to the next. The problem is that they expect too much from the others or from themselves, so every dose of reality is a hard blow.
8. Renounce to hate
“Hate is a feeling that can only exist in the absence of all intelligence,” wrote Tennessee Williams, referring to the fact that hatred is actually a poison that you take thinking that it will hurt the other. Both, hate and resentment, are extremely damaging feelings for those who experience them, so the wisest thing is to let them go. Instead, we should nurture feelings of love, compassion and understanding.
9. Renounce the resistance to change
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls,” said Joseph Campbell. Sometimes it is only necessary to learn to flow with the course of life, keeping us open to the opportunities that arise. We must not forget that change is good and is the only constant of life. Resisting involves clinging to something that has become obsolete, in addition to undergoing a completely unnecessary stress. Only when we accept the change, we manage to open doors where walls once stood.
10. Renounce to blame
“Almost all unhappiness of life comes from the tendency to blame someone else,” said Brian Tracy. Renouncing the tendency to blame others for what you have or don’t have, what you feel or don’t feel, what has or hasn’t happened to you, is the best way to take charge of your life. Developing a locus of control internal, taking responsibility for your decisions, is the best way to achieve what you want.