Decades ago, many marriages were for convenience and people stayed together until death did them part. But not because they loved each other, but because divorce did not exist or was frowned upon.
Today, couples form and break up as easily as we can change the furniture in our homes. However, the curious thing is that most people who get married think that their marriage will last a lifetime, although it usually lasts an average of 6 years.
Where did we go wrong?
Every couple has its own story, its conflicts and difficulties, but one of the factors that often ruins romantic relationships is being hasty when choosing, or taking the big step driven by inertia. However, for a relationship to work, before making a definitive commitment, we should ask ourselves some questions that we don’t usually think about too much.
The essential is invisible to the eyes
1. Look at your partner with the eyes of your soul. Close your eyes, imagine that you are blind and that you have never seen your partner. How would that make you feel? What would you highlight about him/her? Do you like what you see? In our society we are too carried away by what we see, but we look very little inside. It is true that physical attractiveness is important but it is not everything, especially when it comes to living together for many years.
2. Look for openness and the ability to learn. A popular saying goes “ignorant people are intolerant”, and they are not wrong. It is not about changing the person, but about making sure that they have an open attitude towards life and are willing to learn. Over the years, couples that stay together are those that know how to adapt and manage to evolve.
3. Share passions. Memories are the glue that binds a couple together. Remembering the good and bad times they have lived brings people closer together. However, when two people are very different and do not have common passions, it will be difficult for them to build those pleasant memories. Therefore, the chances of the relationship breaking down at the first crisis are very high.
4. Seek tolerance and understanding. Every couple goes through difficult times and we all make mistakes. In such cases, if the person at your side is not tolerant, the rift in the relationship will become deeper and deeper. Of course, each person has their own limits. It’s not about accepting everything and becoming a doormat, but about being able to adopt an understanding attitude and being willing to emotionally invest in the relationship.
5. Strong as a tree, sensitive as a flower. A partner is the person we look to for support in the most difficult moments, so it is important that they are strong, that they can support us when we are about to faint. However, this strength will be of little use if it is translated into possession. Therefore, it is also important that the person is sensitive enough to know how to help. There are times when it is not necessary to say or do anything, just to be there. Sensitivity allows us to understand when it is necessary to be close and when we should distance ourselves.
6. Someone you can tell everything to. A partner should not only be a lover, but also a friend. So ask yourself: Can I tell this person anything? Is he/she willing to listen to me? Is he/she understanding and shares my values? If you can’t trust your partner and don’t feel comfortable talking about certain topics, it’s likely that you’re not ready to take the big step yet, or maybe he/she isn’t your soulmate.
7. A person who shows their feelings. In a society that has taught us to hide what we feel, it is very difficult to find people who know how to assertively express their emotions and who give themselves unreservedly to the relationship. Most people are afraid to express what they feel, especially if it is love, because they think that this is equivalent to putting themselves in the hands of the other. However, that is precisely one of the keys to long-lasting couples: the ability to expose themselves emotionally before the other. Only in this way can two people connect deeply and build a solid relationship.
P.S.: Choose someone who makes your life bigger, not smaller.
