How to deal with intense people? 7 psychological techniques that work

We all know particularly intense people. They seem to live with their emotional volume turned up to the max. They demand constant attention. They take everything too seriously. And they turn every encounter into an emotional roller coaster.

These people can be passionate, enthusiastic, and energetic, but also exhausting, dramatic, and even possessive. The problem is that if you don’t know how to deal with intense people and aren’t able to set boundaries, you’re likely to end up drained, frustrated, and in urgent need of silence… and distance.

The consequences of emotional overflow

Dealing with an intense person isn’t easy. At times, you may feel like you need a master’s degree in psychology. In fact, containing their emotional outpouring can make you feel like you’re constantly putting out a fire. As a result, you’re likely to end up suffering from:

• Emotional exhaustion. Constantly being aware of another person’s emotional state is exhausting. If you never know what mood they’re in and feel like you’re walking on eggshells, having to measure your words or always be available, you may enter a state of hypervigilance. And this constant tension generates mental fatigue.
• Blurring your boundaries. Intense people often don’t distinguish between their own interests and yours. They can invade your space and consume your time and energy… And if you don’t know how to set clear limits, you’re likely to end up giving away much more than you can give.
• Relational burnout. Relationships with intense people tend to be cyclical: moments of closeness and connection are followed by arguments, exhaustion, and distancing. This is exhausting because you never know what to expect, so over time, the bond erodes.
• Chronic guilt. Not everyone, but some intense people have trouble accepting that you’re not always as available as they’d like. Therefore, if you say “no,” they may react with drama, reproaches, or passive-aggressive silence. The result: you feel extremely guilty for setting reasonable boundaries.

How to deal with intense and exhausting people?

Dealing with intense people without becoming drained sometimes seems like an impossible task. How can you support them without being overwhelmed? How can you be present without being dragged down? The key isn’t to change them, but to learn to protect your energy while interacting with them.

1. Identify the type of intensity, but don’t get caught up in psychoanalysis

Not all exhausting people are the same. Some express their intensity positively (contagious enthusiasm, boundless creativity), but others take it to extremes that generate conflict. The most common patterns are:

• Emotionally volatile. They have sudden mood swings and overreactions. You never know how they’ll respond.
• Demanding.  They constantly want your time, attention, or validation, ignoring your needs and desires.
• Controlling.  They try to control your life, opinions, or decisions. They want to impose their will, often guided by their enthusiasm.
• Dramatic.  Everything is a catastrophe or a life-or-death situation. They see threats and problems everywhere.

The goal isn’t to label them, but recognizing these patterns will allow you to apply the right strategies and, most importantly, prepare for interactions.

2. Set clear limits and, more importantly, stick to them.

Emotional intensity is often accompanied by a difficulty respecting boundaries, simply because these people feel so overwhelmed by their emotions that they find it hard to stop and put themselves in the other person’s shoes.

So, the clearer you are, the better. Instead of saying, “I’ll see if I can help you later,” say, “Sorry, I don’t have time today.” You don’t need to justify yourself. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish, but rather a way to protect your space. And if it bothers them… it’s part of the adjustment process. Don’t give in.

Resist the urge to go into “therapist” or problem-solving mode. You can listen, but you don’t have to resolve their life crises every day.

3. Don’t fuel the drama, be “boring”

Intense people often seek strong reactions. They want you to ride their roller coaster. Don’t. Your job isn’t to save them from the emotional hurricane, but to stand firm outside the storm.

If you react intensely with anger, worry, or immediate attention, you’re reinforcing their pattern. Therefore, the idea is to break that loop:

• Maintain a neutral tone  when talking about problems or exaggerating. Speak more slowly, lower your volume, shorten your sentences…
• Don’t add to the chaos.  If they make a storm in a teacup, don’t turn it into a hurricane. Respond calmly.
• Subtly change the subject  to a more serene matter.

Over time, as they don’t get the reaction they’re looking for, they’ll reduce the intensity of their interactions with you.

4. Learn to validate without feeding intensity

Intense people need to feel validated. But that doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they feel or react with the same intensity. The key is to validate without amplifying.

Instead of saying, “Oh, that’s awful! That’s terrible! ” which increases the intensity, say, “I understand that affected you. What do you need now? ”

Validation isn’t dramatizing. It’s showing that you’re listening, without getting swept away by the emotional tsunami. And, above all, it’s focusing attention on what can be done, instead of crying over spilled milk.

5. Use the “mirror effect” to raise awareness

Many people aren’t aware of how their intensity affects others. Putting them in front of a mirror can help them understand if they’re exaggerating. Use phrases that reflect back what they’re projecting:

• “Have you noticed that we’ve already talked about this three times this week?”
• “I have a hard time following you when you jump so quickly from one topic to another.”
• “When you speak to me so urgently, I feel pressured and I freeze.”

Don’t say it as a reproach. Use a calm, descriptive tone. Sometimes these people just need to see themselves from a different angle.

6. Reduce exposure when you need to (guilt-free)

You don’t have to cut off the relationship, but you can modulate the frequency and intensity of contact. Some bonds with intense people work best in small doses.

Try to get a little further away:

• “I’ll have little time these days, so I’ll be more disconnected.”
• “I prefer to see each other once a week, we enjoy it more that way.”
• “I’m going to need space to rest.”

Don’t expect them to fully understand. Just make sure you understand that sometimes, to protect your mental health, you need to step back.

7. Review your relational style

If you attract a lot of exhausting and intense people into your life, ask yourself why. Relationships aren’t random. We often repeat dynamics just because they feel familiar, even if they don’t do us any good.

Certain unconscious patterns can lead us to “rescue,” to say yes when we want to say no, or to feel responsible for the well-being of others. Therefore, dealing with intense people can be an opportunity to review how you’re managing your own emotions, boundaries, and needs.

In short, it’s about learning to relate to intense and exhausting people from a clear, firm, and compassionate stance. These people can fill you with extraordinarily positive energy and become extremely committed, but, like everyone else, they have their shadows.

You can’t control what they’re like, but you can choose how you react to that intensity. Set boundaries without guilt. Be empathetic without absorbing. Say “yes” when you can and “no” when you need to. It’s not about avoiding them or labeling them as “toxic,” but about finding a way to relate to them without sacrificing your peace of mind.