How to end therapy: “break up” with your therapist in 3 steps

There are many reasons why people wants to end therapy. Sometimes they feel they have achieved their goals, they need a break, they feel they are not making progress or they simply have not been able to connect with the psychologist. In these cases, they have to consider leaving the sessions and, of course, tell the therapist.

Why you should not abruptly stop psychotherapy?

Many people choose the easy way out and end the relationship by stopping attending consultations, which is not advisable for many reasons.

– You generate a feeling of loss.  Often, when we abandon an activity or person abruptly, sooner or later we feel a sense of loss, which can generate negative feelings ranging from frustration to sadness.

– You are closing a path for the future.  The reason for leaving is not always due to the psychologist’s lack of professional skills, so if you want to maintain a good relationship, it is best not to suddenly interrupt treatment. This way, if you need help again, you will not be embarrassed to ask for another appointment.

– You show no consideration for the psychologist.  Even though you are paying for the sessions, the therapist has also invested time and effort in your treatment, so he deserves to know that you do not want to continue with the therapy and the reasons why you are leaving. This way, if it was due to a mistake on his part, he will be able to work on this aspect to improve his professional skills in the future.

– You don’t get closure.  As a rule, when you tell your therapist that you’re leaving treatment, he or she will ask you to come in for one or two more appointments. In these sessions you can tie up loose ends, focus on a situation that’s bothering you at the moment, or get general guidelines for continuing without psychological help. One way or another, these sessions aren’t about convincing you to continue, but rather about giving you some tools that could be very useful in the future.

How to end therapy in 3 steps?

1. Find the reason for dropping out.  The idea of ​​dropping out of therapy usually doesn’t come to you overnight, it’s almost always a thought that takes shape over several weeks. Before making a decision, try to understand what motivates you to take that step. Look at the most common reasons for dropping out of psychotherapy and make sure it’s a good reason, not resistance to change or a false perception that you no longer need treatment.
2. Be honest and clear.  Ending therapy is an excellent opportunity to practice assertiveness. Tell your therapist how you feel and why you have decided to end treatment. It is not about hiding what you feel, but it is not about making him or her feel bad either. Express your reasons as objectively as possible, without attacking. Remember that, after all, psychotherapy is meant to end, as it cannot be a process that extends into infinity.
3. Listen to the psychologist’s reasons.  The psychotherapist will probably give you reasons for continuing the treatment, reasons that may be perfectly valid and logical. Consider that in certain circumstances, especially when emotions are at stake, we cannot think clearly and an external view is always advisable. Do not close yourself off to his arguments in advance and do not think that he is trying to convince you at all costs. Listen to him and, later, when you get home, evaluate these ideas.