Parents cannot protect their children from all the problems they will face throughout their lives, but they can help them develop a powerful tool: children’s self-esteem.
In fact, a child’s self-esteem is built on the basis of the relationships he or she establishes with his or her parents, teachers and peers. Self-esteem is nothing more than the feelings that a child professes to himself or herself and depends, to a large extent, on his or her self-image and self-efficacy. If a child is confident in his or her abilities, he or she is likely to develop good self-esteem. However, if he or she doubts his or her potential and believes that he or she does everything wrong, he or she will not nurture positive feelings towards himself or herself.
It is the parents’ job to foster healthy self-esteem, but often, due to bad habits or relational patterns that we have learned from our parents, we do not pay much attention to this aspect and, instead of getting the child to accept himself, negative feelings are generated that lead him to devalue himself.
How to foster children’s self-esteem?
1. Become a positive role model. Children learn largely by imitation. With them, the idea of “do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t apply. If your child sees you as someone who doesn’t value himself, who constantly complains and who doesn’t take responsibility, he will end up being your reflection. That’s why it’s important to take care of your own self-esteem. After all, you are his role model.
2. Set clear boundaries. Children need clear rules to develop. Boundaries not only tell them how far they can go, but they also give them confidence and security, two essential qualities for developing good self-esteem. However, make sure that they are logical, sensible and coherent boundaries.
3. Correct the behavior, don’t hurt the person. There are different ways to correct a mistake: you can reprimand the child or you can focus on the inappropriate behavior. However, the most important thing is that the child understands that a mistake does not define him as a person, so do not use phrases like “you are useless” or “you always make mistakes.” Focus on the behavior, do not make value judgments about the person.
4. Focus on the effort, rather than the result. When we set out on a journey, what matters is not the goal itself, but the person we have become while trying to reach it. The effort and energy we have invested can be as important, or even more important, than the result achieved. Therefore, it is essential that you value your child’s effort, even if he or she has not been able to complete the task or has made a mistake in one of the steps. After all, more than having perfect handwriting, what is important is the determination he or she has put into achieving it.
5. Show unconditional love. If your child learns that to earn your love he or she must behave well, his or her self-esteem will depend on the approval of others in the future and he or she will become a person without an opinion of his or her own. Therefore, it is important that children receive unconditional love from their parents. This does not mean that you should accept his or her negative behavior, but that you love him or her despite the mistakes he or she may make or the “defects” he or she may have. Take advantage of every opportunity to tell him or her how much you love him or her and how proud you are of him or her.
6. Correct their erroneous beliefs. Children’s thinking does not always follow a logical thread, so they can sometimes harbor irrational beliefs about themselves. If you detect any, correct them immediately, so that they do not grow. For example, do not let their self-esteem depend directly on their physical attractiveness or a special ability. Teach them to love themselves as they are, with their virtues and defects. It is your job to help them evaluate themselves more objectively, so that they can develop a more realistic self-concept.
7. Encourage him to take healthy risks. There is no worse damage to self-esteem than an overprotective upbringing. If a child cannot test his abilities, he will never know how far he can go and will become a fearful and insecure adult. Therefore, it is advisable that from a young age you encourage him to take certain risks, which allow him to go a step further and build new opportunities. After all, the “I” is not a static entity but is enriched by each experience.
8. Let them make their own mistakes. Mistakes are learning experiences, life lessons that can be very valuable. However, many parents try to prevent their children from making mistakes and do not realize that they are robbing them of an opportunity to learn, to become stronger and to build self-confidence. The key is to not let frustration appear, but provide levels of help whenever they need it.
9. Don’t exaggerate their achievements. Healthy self-esteem is not artificial, but is based on a realistic self-concept. Therefore, it is not about constantly praising the child or exaggerating their achievements, but about observing their results and the effort made. In fact, it has been observed that exaggerating praise can be counterproductive and ends up damaging the child’s self-esteem. Therefore, if you like what they have drawn, tell them so, but do not exaggerate by telling them that they are the best painter in the world.
10. Spend quality time with your child. The best way to boost children’s self-esteem is to make your child understand that he or she is valuable to you. And to do that, you have to spend quality time with him or her. In this way, you are telling him or her that he or she is important to you. In fact, if you don’t have time at that moment, it is better to let him or her know and then spend a few minutes with him or her later. The child should feel that, although he or she cannot have your attention all the time, you are aware of his or her needs and that you are interested in his or her affairs.
As a conclusion, always remember the phrase of the British sociologist John Ruskin: “Educating a child is not making him learn something he did not know, but making him someone who did not exist.”
Leave a Reply