Do you know someone who acts as if the world revolves around them and always expects you to be available? That person who expects immediate responses to their messages, who gets annoyed if you don’t respond within 0.1 seconds, or who believes their needs are always more urgent and important than yours. Unfortunately, this is an increasingly common profile that could be described as “Invisible Throne Syndrome.”
What is “Invisible Throne Syndrome”?
It’s a psychological phenomenon in which a person acts—consciously or unconsciously—as if they were sitting on an invisible throne, expecting others to always be available to meet their demands and needs. It’s not that they’re constantly asking you for favors; it’s that they assume you should always be at their disposal, as if your time, attention, and energy were public property.
And why “invisible”?
Because there’s often no shouting, no authoritarian gesture, no explicit demand. On the contrary, these people often resort to phrases that try to generate guilt, acting through subtle emotional manipulation. People with this syndrome don’t perceive themselves as tyrants; they just believe they’re right and entitled.
The 5 characteristics of the “invisible monarch”
Not everyone who gets impatient when you don’t respond to their message or ask for help suffers from Invisible Throne Syndrome. But if a person exhibits some of these characteristics, you may be dealing with an uncrowned “king” or “queen” with imperial expectations.
1. Expecting absolute availability
These people can’t imagine that others have their own priorities. If they write, call, or ask for something, they expect an immediate response. And not as help, but as a tacit right. This self-centered perspective prevents them from understanding that others aren’t at their disposal—not because they don’t love them—but because they, too, have a life.
2. Having a hard time empathizing with others
Invisible Throne Syndrome is characterized by selective empathy. These people are in tune with their own emotions, but minimize or ignore the emotions of others when they interfere with their own interests. Their deeply narcissistic approach prevents them from imagining how others feel in a context other than their own. They don’t consider that you, too, might be tired, busy, or simply disconnected.
3. Not accepting other people’s limits
In Invisible Throne Syndrome, any “no” is perceived as an offense or even a betrayal. If you say “I need space ,” they’ll interpret it as “you hate me.” And drama is likely to follow. In fact, these people often respond with emotional blackmail, sarcasm, or even anger because they interpret any refusal as a personal affront.
4. Playing the victim when he is not the center
When they don’t receive the attention they believe they deserve, or when someone else shines brighter, these people begin to act in victim mode. A form of self-centeredness disguised as vulnerability emerges. They don’t hesitate to make others feel guilty and manipulate their emotional environment to regain the spotlight and get their desires met.
5. Not distinguishing between need and whim
For these people, everything they feel automatically becomes urgent and important. They can’t distinguish between “I want to talk now because I’m bored ” and “I need to talk because I’m having a crisis.” Because they experience both scenarios with equal intensity, they expect the same response from their environment. They suffer from what is known as emotional catastrophizing, in which every desire is amplified and experienced as if it were a vital necessity.
However, the most distinctive feature of Invisible Throne Syndrome is the misinterpretation of kindness as an obligation. When someone does them a favor or is available once, they assume they must do so always. The other person’s voluntary act becomes an implicit rule that can no longer be broken without emotional consequences. It’s as if you’ve signed a permanent availability agreement. This trait reveals dysfunctional relational expectations: they believe a relationship is only strong if the other person is always accepting and willing.
Why are there more and more “invisible monarchs”?
At its core, Invisible Throne Syndrome stems from an internalized sense of entitlement. Some people think that if “I’m a good person ” or “I’m very smart ,” others should always help me or be there for me.
These unrealistic expectations are largely rooted in society and our upbringing. In fact, a study conducted at the University of California found that we consider approximately 15% of the people we interact with to be extremely demanding and demanding.
The tyranny of immediacy
We live in an age of immediacy. Before the Internet, waiting was a part of life: letters took days, calls weren’t always answered… That waiting created a space for reflection, patience, and tolerance.
However, with the advent of social media and instant messaging, a culture of speed has taken hold, where constant availability has become normalized. Not responding to a message within minutes can be interpreted as rejection, disinterest, or a lack of affection.
Surveys show that we expect those closest to us to respond to our messages in less than five minutes. In the long run, this immediacy eventually spills over into other spheres of life, reshaping our understanding of respect, expectations, and boundaries .
The culture of self-importance
Social media operates on a narcissistic logic: the more you expose yourself, the more relevant you seem. Followers, likes, shares… they become social validators that, if not managed with critical thinking, artificially inflate the ego.
Receiving constant attention can make some people think they deserve that same level of attention in real life. In fact, several studies have found a link between excessive social media use and narcissism.
This culture of self-importance generates a kind of situational egocentrism: by being so connected to their screens, they forget that others also have contexts, tasks, emotions… Everything is reduced to “me” and “my message.” This creates people with difficulty seeing beyond themselves, which fuels Invisible Throne Syndrome.
Self-centered education
We live in an age where rights are demanded with arrogance and responsibilities are swept under the rug. From a young age, many have grown up hearing: “You deserve the best,” although adults often forget to add: “…and so do others . “
The result is a growing number of people who believe the universe owes them attention, time, and admiration simply for existing. They’ve likely grown up as little tyrants, believing their will is the law of others and that the world must respond like their parents: swiftly, kindly, and without question.
How to deal with people with Invisible Throne Syndrome?
We can’t disappear from the family WhatsApp group or the work team to become hermits on a mountaintop, so we have to learn to deal with these types of people.
- Set clear boundaries—and don’t apologize for them. “I can’t talk now, I’ll text you later ” is non-negotiable. If the person gets upset or offended, that’s their problem, not yours. Remember, their reaction isn’t your responsibility.
- Don’t fuel the drama. If they’re making a mess of things because you ignored them or couldn’t help, don’t play along or try to apologize desperately. A “we’ll talk when you’re calmer” should suffice.
- Gently show them that the world doesn’t revolve around them. Let them know you’re not always available. Share your problems, insecurities, and needs with them so they understand that there’s more to them than just them in the universe.
- Don’t foster a false sense of urgency. If you always respond immediately out of fear of the other person’s reaction, you reinforce their expectations. However, you are not obligated to live in “immediate response” mode or comply with arbitrary demands.
- Protect your time as a valuable asset. Your attention is a limited resource. Don’t give it away for free. Remember that time gone, you won’t get it back. Learning to say “no” is just as important as saying “I’m listening.”
- Don’t fall into the guilt trap. People who believe they’re entitled to everything often manipulate you with affection, using phrases like“I don’t matter to you anymore.” Therefore, it’s important to be aware that there’s a big difference between not being available 24/7 and not loving someone.
- Use humor to ease tensions. Use humor whenever possible to relieve stress and avoid direct confrontation. For example, when faced with a “I need this now!” question, try: “Did you bring your magic wand? Because mine’s in the workshop.” This will ease the pressure without shirking responsibility.
In short, Invisible Throne Syndrome is a widespread modern form of selfishness disguised as emotional need. But it’s also a reflection of something deeper: the difficulty in accepting that others don’t exist in this world solely to satisfy us.
Understanding that we are not the center of the universe should not be experienced as a defeat of the ego, but as an opportunity to develop empathy, respect, and true connection.
So the next time someone doesn’t respond to your message right away or can’t help you… Breathe. Maybe they’re just living. Maybe they’re resting. Or maybe they just have the right to be unavailable or refuse to help you.
And that’s okay.
References:
Asad, K. et. Al. (2022) Personality Traits, Narcissism and TikTok Addiction: A Parallel Mediation Approach. International Journal of Media and Information Literacy; 7(2): 293-304.
Offer, S. & Fischer, C. S. (2018) Difficult People: Who Is Perceived to Be Demanding in Personal Networks and Why Are They There? Am Sociol Rev; 83(1): 111-142.
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