Kindness is a personality trait that is immediately noticeable. Firstly, because when we interact with a kind person, things are much easier for us, it is as if everything flows better, almost as if the stars were aligned in our favour. Secondly, because kind people transmit confidence, serenity and optimism. Their positive energy is contagious.
And yet, in recent times, spaces for talking about kindness have practically disappeared. Pushed by the daily rush, consumed by our worries and imbued with a culture that promotes individualism, competition and the preponderance of the strongest, kindness seems to have become outdated.
What is a kind person like?
Our ability to take into account the needs and desires of others depends on a unique “gift”: empathy , that ability to put ourselves in the place of others, not only on an intellectual level but, above all, on an emotional level.
Kind people are particularly good at picking up on and understanding the mental and emotional states of others and using that information to adjust their behavior. These people typically know or sense what others want or need and go out of their way to help them.
They shy away from confrontation and get rid of egocentrism to put themselves in the other person’s shoes and find the essential middle ground. They are sensitive, empathetic and receptive people, but also proactive as they feel a strong impulse to comfort and help others – always within their limits, obviously.
Agreeable people are motivated to cultivate meaningful relationships with others and try to leave a positive impression on others through understanding, listening, and support. They offer others a welcoming psychological space in which to feel comfortable.
Where does the power of kindness lie?
An old Malay saying goes that we can repay a loan in gold, but we will always be indebted to those who have been kind to us. Kindness is one of those characteristics that has the power to expand to transform the world around it, but it also has benefits for those who put it into practice.
- Kindness creates connections and opens up new possibilities. If you are a kind person, many doors will open wide for you. Kindness facilitates the creation of connections because the others tend to lower their defenses and feel more comfortable showing themselves as they are. This allows for more authentic and deeper relationships, building a solid support network that will serve as a support in difficult times.
- Kindness creates a positive mood. Being kind goes hand in hand with feeling good. If you are a kind person, you are probably emotionally well-balanced. In fact, often rude, impolite or self-centered attitudes actually hide an internal conflict or deep personal dissatisfaction. A kind person is usually a mature person at peace with themselves.
- If you treat the others kindly, they are likely to treat you back. With few exceptions, we usually mirror ourselves in our interpersonal relationships. Although we are not always aware of it, we pick up on all the little signs of boredom, animosity, and hostility in others, just as we are receptive to signs of openness and kindness. That is why we tend to receive what we project into the world. So if you are kind, you are likely to receive kindness.
- Kindness as a driving force for inner satisfaction. One of the largest studies ever conducted on kindness revealed that these people show great life satisfaction, which comes fundamentally from their radical acceptance. Kindness helps them accept life as it comes, so they are able to adapt better to new situations, which allows them to feel more satisfied in all areas of their life.
- Kindness is the key to happiness. A study conducted at Oxford University found that performing different types of kind acts made a difference in terms of happiness. Kindness increases our happiness and well-being. And interestingly, it also applies to acts of kindness we do towards ourselves. The kinder we are – to others and to ourselves – the happier we will feel.
Embracing kindness as a spiritual practice
In Naples, there is an old custom called caffè sospeso , which consists of paying for two cups of coffee at the bar, so that whoever comes later and does not have the money to buy it can have it for free. It is said that this habit was formed at the beginning of the 20th century, a time of economic hardship when those who were better off than others adopted the custom of paying for two cups of coffee to leave one available for those who could not afford it.
In an increasingly chaotic world where there is talk of division and war, embracing kindness is almost a subversive and counter-current act. However, regardless of our beliefs and opinions, we can look for opportunities to be kind to those around us and support those who need it most. Sometimes it really takes very little: stopping to talk to an elderly person, paying someone a sincere compliment or simply listening to someone who has a problem or is having a hard time.
These small things can have a profound impact on someone’s day – and ours. These acts create connection. And even if it’s fleeting, they make us feel less alone. They make us feel like the world is a better place.
However, kindness begins with being kind to ourselves. To treat others well and be sensitive to their needs, we must first treat ourselves well and pay attention to our needs.
The underlying message is: in the long run, being kind pays off. And a lot.
No one knows the ordeal that others may be experiencing. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, reaching out and treating them with kindness is a conscious choice that has the power to transform our lives and the world around us.
References:
Wilmot, M. P. & Deniz, S. (2022) Agreeableness and Its Consequences: A Quantitative Review of Meta-Analytic Findings. Personality and Social Psychology Review; 26(3): 10.1177.
Rowland, L. & Scott, O. (2018) A range of kindness activities boost happiness. J Soc Psychol; 159(3):340-343.
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