We live in a society that extols values like perseverance and determination. Giving up, it is said, is for the weak. But what if we have misunderstood what it means to give up? Centuries ago, Epictetus offered a different take on the importance of knowing when to give up. For this Stoic philosopher, giving up was not a sign of weakness, but rather a gateway to true freedom.
The art of letting go
The philosopher Favorinus claimed that Epictetus had the habit of saying “anekhou” and “apekhou,” which could be translated as “to endure and to renounce.” At first glance, this seems like a contradiction, but Epictetus believed that there were two particularly serious vices. One was intolerance, or lack of endurance, which is expressed when we are unable to endure evils. The other was incontinence , which is the lack of self-control to abstain from or renounce those things that could harm us.
Epictetus believed that we need to find a healthy middle ground, so that we not only have to strive and persevere but also be able to let go or abstain from everything that could harm us and take us away from that state of inner peace from which comes the happiness we so desire.
Stoicism teaches us that there are many things in the world beyond our control and that trying to master the uncontrollable only brings frustration. In this framework, surrender is not perceived as a defeat, but as a mature act of radical acceptance.
The cost of not knowing when to give up
In the “Equiridion”, Epictetus advises: “If you want to progress in the study of wisdom, leave aside reasonings like these: ‘if I neglect my business, I will soon be ruined and will have nothing to live on’ or ‘if I do not call my employee’s attention, he will become lazy’.
“It is better to die of hunger after having banished worries and fears than to live in abundance with anxiety and fear. It is better for your employee to be lazy than for you to be miserable.
“Start with the little things then. Did you drop your lamp? Did you lose something? Tell yourself: this is the price of peace of mind, this is the price of freedom; nothing is free.”
Modern psychology supports Epictetus: when we try to hold on to what we cannot control, emotions become turbulent. We feel anxious, angry, or even helpless.
Understanding that we must give up certain things is, without a doubt, one of the most valuable teachings of Epictetus, especially in times when success is measured in terms of “MORE”. This philosopher, on the other hand, encourages us to let go of everything that distances us from ataraxia, the state of inner balance.
It encourages us not to cling to things, but also not to our preconceived ideas and not even to our projects because the price of staying attached to them when they have lost their meaning is too high. Letting go, on the other hand, offers us the possibility of releasing ballast and pivoting towards projects that make more sense.
Resignation as an act of liberation
Persisting and fighting is important. Of course! But you also have to know when to throw in the towel. We must be aware that in life there is a time to persevere and another to give up, a time to keep our eyes fixed on the goal and another to rethink the path.
If life is going round in circles, we must keep up with it. It may not make much sense to hold on to ideas or projects that we developed years ago. True maturity and intelligence consist of adapting to these changes, letting go of what hinders us or causes unnecessary stress.
In a way, giving up implies recognizing that not everything depends on us. Accepting that, as Epictetus argued, is not a sign of weakness, but of wisdom. It pushes us to focus on what we can change: our reaction, our attitude, our goals, our way of thinking…
From this perspective, giving up doesn’t just mean letting go of something external, but rather beginning to shape our character. We begin to forge a kind of strength based on the acceptance of the transitory nature of life. In a way, this giving up becomes an exercise in intellectual humility with the universe, a constant reminder that everything we have – from our possessions to our achievements or our relationships – can disappear. It is not pessimism, but a way of freeing ourselves from the bonds that generate useless suffering.
Unfortunately, we live in a culture that pushes us to accumulate possessions, experiences, relationships, successes… so it is difficult for us to let go because we think that with each loss, we also lose value. However, Epictetus saw renunciation as a tool for liberation and empowerment.
Every time we say “no” to something that no longer serves us, we also say “yes” to something that can bring us more peace of mind, emotional freedom… In a world that idolizes perseverance and success, giving up may seem crazy, but giving up on something that has lost meaning is not losing, but gaining depth and perspective to live better.
Leave a Reply