The human mind is a particularly powerful tool capable of constructing realities so firm that we sometimes forget that they are just perceptions. Throughout our lives, we adopt limiting beliefs that, without realizing it, condition our lives and prevent us from moving in the direction we desire.
However, life is already complicated enough without adding more stress by feeding unrealistic expectations. If we allow social norms and toxic positivism to permeate our thinking, we are likely to end up with more anxiety and frustration than peace and happiness. That is why it is essential to take note of some of the most widespread limiting beliefs that cause the most damage to our well-being.
The most common ideas that have been instilled in us and make us unhappy
The values and goals that we take for granted today have not always been shared by other societies. Ancient philosophers, for example, did not even seek happiness, but rather pointed in another direction. Epicurus, for example, aspired to ataraxia, understood as a state of imperturbability of the soul. In contrast, Aristotle pursued eudaimonia, a state of individual satisfaction that is achieved when we lead a full and balanced life.
1. “I have to be happy”
We live in a kind of “tyranny of positive thinking” that has sold us artificial happiness. However, what if trying too hard to be happy is making us unhappy? The truth is that more and more research points in that direction.
A study conducted at the University of California, for example, showed that obsessing over the pursuit of happiness increases the risk of depression. And psychologists at the University of Denver found that people who value happiness the most also report feeling less happy under stressful conditions, compared to those who do not place as much importance on that state.
So perhaps one of our biggest mistakes in seeking happiness is to worry too much about being happy, to the point of judging every aspect of our lives by their contribution to a highly idealized emotional state.
“In the modern world, happiness is the closest thing we have to a summum bonum, the supreme good from which all other goods flow. Following this logic, unhappiness becomes the summum malum, the greatest evil to be avoided,” wrote philosopher Nat Rutherford. Therefore, one of the first limiting beliefs we must get rid of is this need to be happy at all costs.
2. “I have to be ‘someone’ in life”
The thought that “we have to be someone in life” has become one of the most repeated mantras, especially in an era where expectations and pressure to excel are stronger than ever. Society pushes us to embrace success, which is often measured in material terms, a successful career or social recognition.
However, this focus on external validation only sows the seeds of psychological distress. Recent research suggests that such an obsession with “being someone” not only fails to guarantee peace of mind, but may actually be a hindrance. Those with an locus of control external, for example, are at greater risk of anxiety, stress, worry, and damage to their well-being.
The truth is that “being someone” in life does not necessarily mean standing out. When we let go of the limiting belief that we must be someone, we create space to experience life from authenticity, allowing well-being to emerge from deeper aspects of our being.
Letting go of that thought doesn’t mean giving up on our aspirations, but rather shifting the focus of how we define ourselves and how we perceive success. Instead of being “someone” according to society’s standards, we learn to be ourselves, without the need to validate our existence through external achievements.
When you let go of that pressure, what emerges is an incredible sense of freedom: the opportunity to live according to our own values and not those of a system that tells us we are never enough and that we have to continually prove something to someone. But the truth is that you and I are already someone, we don’t need to become “someone.”
3. “I have to fulfill my dreams”
From movies to literature, social media and personal growth gurus, everything tells us that achieving our dreams is the ultimate goal in life. However, this pressure to make our wishes come true can become a boomerang that threatens our well-being and balance.
Constantly striving for an ideal can overshadow the achievements we have already made, creating a feeling of perpetual failure. Alan Watts referred to this kind of trap we set for ourselves by explaining that if we always focus on the future, on an ideal state that never arrives, we move away from the present, which is where life really happens.
We must understand that the journey that leads us to our dreams must be as valuable as the destination itself. If we focus only on the culmination of our aspirations, we run the risk of forgetting the value of the experiences we live along the way and that usually leads us to a spiral of permanent dissatisfaction.
Instead, accepting that perhaps some of those dreams have become outdated or that we simply will not achieve them can bring us enormous inner peace. It is about letting go of the burden of what cannot be or has lost its meaning in order to embrace what really is. It is about breaking those agreements that we once signed with ourselves in order to update them in light of current circumstances, with more experience, maturity and knowledge of the cause.
Ultimately, that peace of mind is achieved when we let go of all limiting beliefs about what we should do, be, or think. By freeing ourselves from this burden, we can live more authentically, valuing each step we take, regardless of the outcome. In that space of acceptance, we discover that happiness lies not just in achieving goals or standing out from others, but in how we choose to live and experience the present.
References:
Kesavayuth, D. et. Al. (2022) Locus of control and subjective well-being: Panel evidence from Australia. PLoS One; 17(8): e0272714.
Ford, B. Q. et. Al. (2014) Desperately Seeking Happiness: Valuing Happiness is Associated With Symptoms and Diagnosis of Depression. J Soc Clin Psychol; 33(10): 890–905.
Mauss, I. B. et. Al. (2011) Can seeking happiness make people unhappy? Paradoxical effects of valuing happiness. Emotion; 11(4):807-15.
