Everyone has always something to say. The people who love you and those who can’t stand you. Even those who don’t know you at all dare to give their opinion about you on social networks. There are people who advise you, but there are also those who criticize you or tell you what you should do. People who point out your mistakes and people who focus on your flaws.
And yet, no one really knows what is best for you for one simple reason: only you know who you are. You know your strengths and your weaknesses. You know what you are good at and what costs you the most. You are aware of your dreams and you have memory of your failures. You know what makes you happy and what makes you sad.
However, sometimes the noise of the world becomes so deafening that it prevents you from hearing that inner voice. Sometimes the demands and expectations of others can take up so much space in your life that they crowd out your own needs. Sometimes you simply listen to others so much that it is impossible to listen to yourself.
Paying too much attention to others, a double-edged sword
Everyday life revolves in a hurry. There are stages where everything builds up and you just keep going on autopilot. You carry out your obligations as best you can, although many times that implies great personal sacrifice.
Sometimes, that also means bowing to the demands of others. Meet their needs. Live up to their expectations. Keep yourself available. Help them. Don’t let them down. Trying to fit in…
However, sometimes good intentions end up leading to bad results. Remember that many people only:
• They tell you what they want you to do. Being able to separate our desires and expectations from what the other person really needs requires hard psychological work that most people are not willing to do. As a result, many of their statements reflect their intentions more than your needs. That is, they will tell you what they want you to do. Chances are, someone who cares about you really wants you to be successful or happy, but it’s also likely that their vision of success and happiness, and the path to achieving it, doesn’t match yours.
• They tell you what they would do. When people offer you advice, they generally recommend what they would do if they were going through a similar situation because many times they don’t ask themselves what would be best for you, but rather they draw on their arsenal of tools and experiences. Of course, having another perspective is always valuable, but their view of the problem or solution may not be the best fit for you.
That means that, while it’s important to stay open to others, you shouldn’t let their voice supplant yours. Everyone has an opinion. And it is fair that it be so. However, you should remember that an opinion does not mean that it is right. Opinions are not facts, so you should not blindly let them guide your path. Listen to everyone’s opinions, but you decide.
At the end of the day, remember that people don’t know more about you than the image you’ve projected. When you pay too much attention to their opinions, you run the risk of becoming dependent on them. When you give too much importance to what they think about you, you lose the ability to decide. When you try to please and satisfy everyone, you end up betraying yourself.
How to learn to listen to yourself?
The noise of the world should not increase its decibels so much that it prevents you from hearing yourself. If that happens, it is best to stop along the way to reconnect with the healing silence and find our voice.
If you feel trapped in your life, you are always accompanied by a feeling of dissatisfaction or you don’t even know what you want, the time has come to take a step back to see everything in perspective. You will need to silence the voices of others to hear your own voice.
Make time to do an introspection exercise that allows you to discover where you are on the path and, above all, where you want to go. Introspection is usually a slow process of self-discovery. As if it were an onion, you will have to remove all those social layers that you have been building over the years to get to your essence. Turn off those voices that tell you how you should be and ask yourself how you want to be. Forget comparisons.
Practicing full presence is an excellent strategy to connect with your essence and free yourself from the concerns or fears that plague you. You can build that presence little by little, increasing the time you spend in the here and now, away from destructive criticism. This will help you understand that you have the potential to become the person you want to be.
When you finally reconnect with yourself, you will get rid of that desire to fit in and you will be able to make your own decisions to really follow what makes you happy. No guilt. No regrets. No doubts.
Life is too short to waste it trying to please others or not listening to yourself. Let them find their way and find yours.
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