It’s difficult to summarize the principles of Montessori education in a few words, as it’s more than a method; it’s a philosophy of child rearing and development. Maria Montessori didn’t simply state a set of principles, but rather a way of understanding growth and seeing the world.
However, one of the simplest strategies for gaining an understanding of what Montessori education represents is to listen to the language used by its teachers. These teachers are aware of the enormous importance of language in shaping children’s minds, so they choose their words carefully to encourage independent thinking and intrinsic motivation.
Common phrases from Montessori teachers that parents can incorporate into their daily lives
- “I see you’re trying hard.”
One of the key principles of Montessori education is to focus on the process rather than the final product. Generally speaking, we should avoid praising children by focusing exclusively on the results achieved with phrases like “good job” or “that work is beautiful.” Instead, it is more developmental to direct praise toward the concentration, perseverance, and care they have put into the task.
Praising work rather than focusing solely on results helps develop a growth mindset in children, through which they understand that they can improve through their own efforts.
We mustn’t forget that some praise destroys children’s self-esteem. Therefore, instead of saying, “You’re a very good boy,” specify, “Yesterday you were very good when you let that boy in the park share your toys.” This way, you show him that you notice his good behavior, without judging him. Instead of saying, “You’re a great artist,” when he shows you his drawing, you can say, “I saw you put a lot of effort into drawing the details.”
- “What do you think of your job?”
In Montessori schools, each child is their own teacher. Teachers serve as guides and mentors, helping the children, but they are the ones who discover things for themselves as they explore the environment and materials that have been carefully prepared in advance.
Self-analysis is a key element in this autonomous discovery. Following the Montessori method doesn’t criticize or emphasize mistakes, as is often the case in traditional education, but rather encourages self-criticism.
So, the next time your child asks you, “Do you like my drawing? ” it would be better to ask what they think, rather than just telling them it’s beautiful and you love it. Ask them what they think, if they’re happy with the result, what their favorite part is, and how they decided which colors to use. The idea is to help them begin to evaluate their work on their own, rather than constantly seeking external approval. This way, you’ll also be helping them build bulletproof self-esteem.
- “Where could you look for what you have lost?”
Independence is one of the core values promoted by this educational approach. The goal of Montessori teachers is to help children do things for themselves, to achieve the greatest possible autonomy for their age and skill level. Undoubtedly, in many cases it’s easier to answer their questions or provide a solution, but it’s more developmental to help them find the answers themselves.
For example, if your child loses a book and asks you where it is, instead of looking for it, encourage him to think about where it might be. Ask him, “Try to remember where you were the last time you read it? Have you checked your room? ”
This may take a little longer, but it will be worth it because they will gain autonomy and independence, instead of constantly depending on their parents, an attitude that ultimately creates deep insecurity and even makes them more vulnerable to bullying later in life.
- “Which part do you need help with?”
In a Montessori classroom, children are responsible for many things, including taking care of their work environment. In fact, children often take pride in this responsibility and dedicate part of their time to organizing their homework space.
However, it’s no less true that sometimes, a project that’s too large can become overwhelming. In these cases, instead of doing the work for the child, the teacher asks the child how they can help. It’s not about rushing in and “saving” the child, like helicopter parents, sending the message that they’re not capable of finishing on their own. But it’s also not a good idea for the child to feel overly overwhelmed or frustrated.
For example, at home, when it’s late and the child hasn’t put away his toys yet, instead of doing it for him, you can ask him what kind of help he needs. He’ll do one part, and you’ll do the other. This way, he’ll learn that he can’t escape his responsibilities but that he can always count on your help.
- “Follow the child”
This is perhaps the most important phrase that Montessori teachers tirelessly repeat to parents and often remind each other. It means that we must trust a little more in the child’s internal developmental path.
It also reminds us of the importance of understanding the reasons behind behavior. It reminds us that all children will not walk at the same pace, read with the same fluency, or write with the same strokes. Nor will they be interested in the same things.
Following the child means remembering that each child is unique and has their own individual needs, passions, and gifts, and that they should be taught and guided accordingly. If you can’t get your child interested in reading, try to discover what they’re passionate about and nurture that. Instead of fighting against them, you should join them in helping them develop what they’re interested in and what they’re truly good at.
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