Have you ever said to yourself, “I know I should do it, but I don’t feel like it” ? Or worse, “I really want to, but I don’t even know where to start.” If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us struggle with that battle between motivation and desire.
And although we use “motivation” and “desire” interchangeably, they’re not actually interchangeable terms. They’re closely related, but they’re more like those cousins who only see each other at Christmas and then drift apart the rest of the year. Motivation and desire don’t always go hand in hand.
What is motivation?
Motivation is what drives you. It’s a reason, a purpose, a direction… It’s when you know why you do what you do. It can be extrinsic (“I want to strive to win the prize” ) or intrinsic (“I want to strive to prove to myself that I can do it” ). It’s that compass that tells you where to go, even if you don’t feel like walking.
Motivation is when you decide to go for a run or join the gym because you want to improve your health. Not because you love to sweat, but because you know the effort is worth it. Therefore, motivation is fundamentally based on values, objectives, and long-term goals.
And what are desires?
Desire is the emotional spark. It’s that “now I want to.” It’s more visceral. Sometimes it appears without you even realizing it, like that time you felt the urge to go for a run. Other times you wait weeks and it never comes, like when you try to convince yourself that tomorrow you’ll join the gym, but you just don’t.
Having desire doesn’t necessarily mean having a clear purpose. You might feel like quitting your job after a bad day, with no plan B, no savings, or a clear idea of what you’ll do next.
Desires are often fleeting, capricious, and depend on mood or circumstances. Today you might feel like taking on the world. Tomorrow, with luck, you might feel like getting out of bed.
Motivation without desire, the classic adult drama
You’ve probably said to yourself more than once, “I know what I want, but I don’t have the energy or the mood to lift a finger.” You’re clear about your goals and have plenty of motivation, but it seems as if your mind is going in one direction and your body is going in another.
Why does it happen?
- Burnout. You may have a clear and profound motivation to act, but if you’re physically, mentally, or emotionally exhausted, that motivation likely won’t translate into concrete action. It’s not a lack of motivation, but a lack of energy. In this situation, the nervous system prioritizes basic survival, so when you feel drained, it’s very difficult to sustain the effort involved in starting something new, no matter how meaningful or important it may be to you.
- It scares you. Sometimes, the projects that mean the most to us also require us to get out of our comfort zone, expose ourselves to criticism, risk the stability we’ve achieved after so many sacrifices, or even face the possibility of failure. This can cause vertigo. And that fear can paralyze you, even if you know it’s worth it, so it dulls the spark that makes you want to take the first step.
- Lack of immediate pleasure. Even if you’re clear about what you want and why you want it, if the reward is too far away, your brain—accustomed to instant pleasure—loses focus. Motivation exists, but it can’t compete with immediate distractions: social media, entertainment… Without small rewards along the way, moving toward long-term goals can become a steep climb, which can lead you to procrastinate indefinitely.
Practical advice. In these cases, don’t wait for the urge to appear (you could be waiting forever). Take small steps. If you want to write a book but don’t feel like sitting down for three hours, write a paragraph. Literally. With a little luck, the movement will activate the urge and deactivate your fears, misgivings, and insecurities.
Desire without motivation, energy without direction
Other times, we find ourselves in the opposite scenario. You may have woken up with an unusual energy that makes you feel like you could conquer the world, learn Japanese, redecorate your house, and start a yoga class. But… you don’t quite know where it’s coming from.
You might even jump in with enthusiasm, but lose interest after a few days. You sign up for the course, buy the materials, do the first exercises with enthusiasm, and then… you give up. Then you feel like you’re lost, stranded in the middle of the road with no idea where to go.
Why does it happen?
- Emotional impulsiveness. We often get carried away by emotions and make hasty decisions, believing that this impulse serves a clear purpose. But emotions are volatile and fleeting. When they fade, you may realize there was no solid motive behind them, just a momentary need for change or a search for gratification.
- Disconnection from values. Sometimes, you may feel strongly about doing something and energized at first, but if that action isn’t aligned with what you truly value, such as your well-being, relationships, or your outlook on life, your enthusiasm is likely to quickly dissipate. That desire lacks an internal anchor that can keep you going when obstacles arise or new ideas lose their traction.
- The seduction of novelty. New things activate our reward circuits: they’re exciting, stimulating, and make us feel alive. But that pleasure is fleeting. When novelty becomes routine, if there’s no deeper meaning to support it, you may lose interest and give up. What seemed like motivation was actually a desire to experience stimulating experiences.
Practical advice: If you really want to do something, ask yourself why. What’s behind that desire? Is there real value or is it just an emotional rush? Sometimes it’s better to let the emotion go if it doesn’t have roots to support it.
How do you know if what you lack is desire or motivation?
Differentiating desire from motivation will help you better understand what’s happening to you and act accordingly. Some questions that will help you determine if you lack desire or good motives include:
- If you’re thinking, “I know I want to achieve this, but I don’t have the energy today,” you’re probably lacking the motivation. Take a break, have a coffee, listen to some music, get active, or relax. Sometimes your body just needs to recharge. In that case, ask yourself, “If I were rested and in a good mood, would I do it?”
- If you’re thinking, “I don’t even know why I’m doing this, I don’t care that much,” it’s likely that motivation is lacking. In that case, it would be best to rethink the purpose of what you’re doing. Does it make sense to you? Does it align with your values? Does it align with your goals?
The key is knowing yourself. You have to know when you need to push yourself a little further to give your best and when you just need to stop, give yourself a hug, and say, “I couldn’t do it today. I’ll try again tomorrow.”
We all want to lead a meaningful life, feel fulfilled, and achieve our goals. But we’re not machines. We’re not designed to be motivated and driven every day. And that’s perfectly normal.
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