In fairy tales, and also in Hollywood romantic movies, people meet, face a thousand obstacles to be together, but in the end love wins. And so, they live happily ever after.
In real life, the situation is radically different: most couples do not have to face major obstacles to start a relationship; the obstacles come later, with friction and daily coexistence.
That’s why sometimes the dreaded moment comes: “It’s not you, it’s me. I need time to think.”
Is it better to trust the other person and give them that time? Is it better to close a relationship or is it worth waiting? These and other questions are on the mind of the person who has been asked for time, but there is an even bigger doubt that torments them: Why has he asked me for that time?
Why does my partner ask me for time to think?
Every couple is a world in itself, they are two different people who have had different life experiences and who now have a common history. Therefore, it is difficult to draw conclusions that can be applied to all cases. However, as a general rule, behind this time, there are some common causes:
– Your partner feels overwhelmed. Every person is different, some need constant displays of love, but others are overwhelmed by these details. It is normal that at the beginning of a relationship, when both people do not yet know each other’s tastes well, they can end up overwhelming their partner with attentions that the other considers unnecessary or that excessively restrict their freedom. In this case, the person asks for time because they need to have some air to breathe.
– Your partner needs to take a step back. There are times when the relationship has gone too fast. You may have gotten carried away by the euphoria of falling in love and taken steps that were too big without knowing each other well or without being prepared to take on that level of responsibility. In that case, your partner may want to rethink those decisions. It’s not a lack of love, but simply a matter of taking a step back and taking things a little more slowly, which can be a cautious decision.
– Your partner doesn’t know what he or she wants. In this case, the person has serious doubts about your relationship. He or she doesn’t know if he or she wants to continue, if he or she still loves you, or if this is the type of relationship he or she wants to be in. Sometimes this insecurity is due to a fear of commitment, other times it is the product of a life crisis or simply boredom after a relationship of years in which the spark has been lost. At this point, the person needs to rethink an important part of his or her life, and believes that if you are by his or her side, he or she will not be able to find the answers he or she is looking for.
– Your partner wants to break up, but doesn’t dare. For some people, breaking up is difficult. Maybe they are afraid of your response, they don’t want to hurt you, or they think that breaking up little by little will make it easier, so they prefer to break up indirectly, leaving a glimmer of hope. Obviously, this is the worst scenario because there is usually no turning back.
How to wait without despairing?
Most people find it difficult to take the shock of their partner asking for time off. It is certainly not an easy thing to deal with.
- Information is power, don’t settle for evasions
Uncertainty is hard to bear, especially when our partner asks us for time, because we are immediately overcome by the fear of losing the person we love. Therefore, the more information you have, the better. This way, you will also be able to make a more conscious decision. You have the right to have your partner explain to you why he or she needs time to reflect. After all, your life will also be put on a kind of “pause.”
Don’t settle for general, evasive answers. Ask him or her to explain his or her reasons. If your partner respects and values you as a person, he or she will find it fair to explain his or her reasons. However, it is important not to make second guesses – there is not always a third person involved and love is not always over – sometimes you just need to take a break.
- A life agreed upon, down to the last detail
If you think the relationship will have a future, it’s a good idea to talk about how you’ll live from now on. Some couples agree not to see each other for a while and don’t keep in touch either, others simply need a little more space and decide to keep seeing each other. In any case, it’s a good idea to only commit to rules that you can follow because if you decide to cut off the relationship for a while and then start harassing your partner, he or she will feel that you haven’t respected his or her space and may walk away from you permanently.
Only commit to rules that you can follow and that make sense to you. If your partner demands things that seem unreasonable or that don’t meet your expectations, it’s best to talk things over until you find the best solution for both of you, which in some cases may mean a permanent breakup.
- Time yes, but not eternal
For a confused person who has to make an important decision in his or her life, it can be difficult to determine exactly how much time will be needed. However, it is not advisable for the couple to give each other an eternal time. The ideal is to agree on a reasonable time, so that the situation does not drag on. After that time, your partner must make his or her decision. Determine how long you can wait and if your partner does not take the step, you must take the reins of the situation and decide the future of the relationship.
- No to victimhood
The first impulse of a person whose partner asks for time is to play the victim and wallow in the suffering. However, this way you are hurting yourself. You are not playing a passive role, after all, you have accepted this break, even though you had the possibility of refusing or ending the relationship. Therefore, be firm and do not lose perspective. Your partner has certain unmet needs and that is why he or she is asking for time, but you also have your needs and expectations, which are equally valid and worthy of being taken into account. They are not leaving you, they are asking for time, and it is up to you to decide.
- Life goes on
It is advisable not to put your life, literally, “on hold.” Although it may be difficult and will require a great effort, try to continue with your daily life. Find new activities that motivate you or start a new project. The idea is not to think about your partner 24 hours a day but to take advantage of this pause in the relationship to rediscover your individuality, to take up things you had left behind and to enjoy solitude.
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