Nervous Children: How to Help Them, According to Psychology

Anxiety isn’t a problem exclusive to adults; children can also suffer from it. In fact, the number of nervous and anxious children has increased in recent years, probably because they are under more pressure than a few decades ago.

Many parents not only fill their schedules with extracurricular activities but also pressure them to get good grades, which reduces their children’s free time, which is essential for playing and relaxing. Of course, temperament also plays a role, as children with anxiety traits tend to display increased nervousness.

What is the difference between nervous and hyperactive children?

First of all, it’s important to keep in mind that many children are naturally active. This doesn’t mean they have a problem. Childhood is a time of discovery, and children need to test their motor skills, so it’s normal for them to be very dynamic and have boundless energy.

Added to this is the fact that until the age of 7, their prefrontal lobes have not yet developed sufficiently, which means they cannot stay focused on the same activity for long periods of time. This leads them to get bored easily and switch from one activity to another, leaving what they were doing unfinished.

Still, it’s true that some children show a higher level of activity, which could even be classified as hyperactivity. In this case, they likely suffer from what is known as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. However, it’s important not to confuse a nervous child with a hyperactive one.

A child with ADHD will have difficulty concentrating for periods of time considered appropriate for their age. This difficulty manifests itself in different areas of their daily lives, not just at school, as in that case, it could be a underlying motivational problem.

On the other hand, hyperactive children display a pattern of excessive movement for their age, which often manifests itself in inappropriate situations. This means that the child has trouble staying still even in situations that require it.

Symptoms of the nervous child

Although nervousness is a characteristic that can be more or less pronounced depending on the person’s perspective, it is no less true that some children are more nervous than others.

The three characteristics that distinguish a nervous child:

1. He or she is easily annoyed or irritated by situations and stimuli that go practically unnoticed by others.
2. He is easily frightened by things that do not frighten his peers.
3. He cries at the slightest provocation or becomes anxious in situations that are not stressful for other children.

This nervousness can manifest itself in very different ways. For example, some children may begin to develop nervous tics, while others somatize this anxiety and begin to suffer psychosomatic symptoms such as headaches and gastrointestinal problems. It can also cause children to behave hyperactively, fidgeting with their hands and feet when they have to wait, for example, as this allows them to relieve the tension they feel.

Why are children nervous?

Basically, a nervous child is one who overreacts to stimuli in their environment. In some cases, this nervousness has been acquired due to the environment in which they grew up. It can then be considered a learned reaction pattern, probably from the mother or father, who also react nervously to everyday situations.

In fact, we mustn’t forget that parents are their children’s primary behavioral role models. In ambiguous situations, children always look to their parents for clues as to how they should react. If parents continually display signs of fear, anxiety, and nervousness, the child will assume the world is a dangerous and hostile place, so it’s not unusual for them to respond nervously.

However, in other cases, children are nervous due to a characteristic of their nervous system, which is much more sensitive and hyperreactive. To better understand this, it’s necessary to understand the relationship between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. Both function as accelerator and decelerator; the relationship established between the two determines not only the speed with which we respond to stimuli but also the intensity of that reaction and, above all, our ability to calm ourselves.

The good news is that whether it’s a learned response or a characteristic of a child’s nervous system, it’s possible to help them better manage their reactions. In fact, in some cases, the symptoms of nervousness disappear on their own when a child starts school; in other cases, school pressure worsens them.

How to help a nervous child?

1. Validate their emotions. The worst thing we can do is ignore children’s emotions or minimize their impact because this may lead the child to assume that what they’re feeling is inappropriate. Instead, we should validate them. For example, when we notice they’re nervous, we can say, “I can see you’re nervous. Do you want to talk about what’s happening to you? “
2. Don’t reinforce their nervous behavior. Validating their emotions isn’t the same as reinforcing their nervous response. In some cases, children may perceive nervousness as a way to get attention, whether consciously or not, so it’s important not to give it more importance than necessary. It’s also essential to avoid labels like “you’re a nervous child,” as these will only exacerbate the problem, making the child think they can’t do anything to solve it.
3. Give them new behavior patterns. Fear and anxiety are adaptive emotions, but when they continually present themselves as a pattern of reaction, they cause problems. Therefore, it’s a good idea to offer children new behavioral alternatives. For example, you can encourage them to engage in a relaxing activity that helps them calm down, such as the calming jar. Of course, it’s essential that you set a good example, because if your child notices that everything makes you anxious and stressed, they’ll respond in kind.
4. Promotes relaxation time. There are relaxation techniques for children that can be used from an early age, around age 4. These are obviously age-appropriate relaxation and meditation techniques presented as a game. Their main objective is to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes calming responses.
5. Reduce stress and increase play.  Childhood should be a carefree time where play is the main focus. Therefore, we must ensure that children are not subjected to excessive school pressure and that they have time for free play, which is the most developmental and relaxing. Also, make sure they enjoy a relaxing and peaceful environment at home; stress and arguments at home won’t exactly make it easier for them to get rid of their anxiety.