“Man is condemned to be free because, once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does,” wrote Jean Paul Sartre. And yet, the word responsibility appears less and less in everyday conversations and in the media, as if it were becoming outdated or its essence had been blurred among thousands of new modern terms.
It is therefore not surprising that the number of people who do not show their face is growing at a dizzying rate at all levels, from those who break up with a partner by not answering calls and messages to leaders of nations who ignore their obligations and neglect their duties. In the liquid society in which we navigate, not showing one’s face, escaping and evading responsibilities is increasingly common.
The trail of damage left behind by those who do not assume responsibility
There are people who create great expectations, make promises, make joint plans and then, when things go wrong and commitment or action is required, they simply refuse to show their face and disappear. When it comes to assuming responsibility, it is practically impossible to find them.
At first, this evasion of responsibilities may seem insignificant, but if a person is used to not showing their face, in the long run it will deteriorate any type of relationship they establish, whether it be work, family or friendship, since it will wear down a pillar as important as trust.
As a result, it often leaves behind a trail of pending problems and conflicts, as well as confusion and frustration for its “victims,” who often feel abandoned and deceived.
Failing to take responsibility creates a chain of wear and tear and frustration. When someone fails, unfinished tasks, problems and conflicts pile up on the hands of those who must fill the gap. This not only represents an additional burden, but also fuels resentment.
Sometimes, victims also fall into a spiral of unanswered questions. Our brain is programmed to draw conclusions and achieve closure, so the disappearance of the other person can condemn us to a state of confusion, trying to understand what has happened, even falling into recriminations and blaming ourselves for what happened.
Why are there people who don’t show their face?
We all have a preference for one coping style or another. There are people who prefer to confront problems head on and people who prefer to avoid them. However, as Abraham Lincoln said, “You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading the responsibility of today.”
This reluctance to face up to someone is often a mixture of fear, shame, cynicism and egocentrism. Those who do not assume their responsibilities know or sense that they have done something reprehensible and do not want to accept the consequences of their actions. They may also be afraid of the reaction of others or feel deeply ashamed because they are aware that their behavior is reprehensible, so the most comfortable option is to disappear.
However, behind the current wave of people trying to escape their responsibilities there is often also a lot of cynicism and self-centeredness. These are people who do not think about the consequences of their disappearance, do not try to put themselves in the place of others to understand how they will feel, but selfishly decide by choosing the easiest path for themselves.
Therefore, your decision also denotes a profound lack of respect. When someone does not show their face, they try to resolve the matter by ignoring the other person, so they assume that they do not deserve even a minute more of your attention and deny them the explanations or arguments that would help them put an end to it.
Disappearing also sends another clear message: it implies that there is no interest in repairing the damage caused or apologizing. In fact, many people dismiss it as “ no big deal .” They dismiss their responsibility and let the victim deal with the consequences as best they can, often knowing that they will cause a serious problem or significant emotional damage.
How to deal with people who don’t show their face?
“If everyone swept in front of their own door, how clean the city would be! ” says an old Russian proverb. Of course, we cannot force anyone to take responsibility – especially on an emotional level – that they wish to escape, but we can learn to deal with those people who do not show their face in order to mitigate as much as possible the damage they cause.
When you are given the responsibility of closing a situation that was a problem between two people, you have no choice but to take on the challenge. Therefore, it is advisable that you:
- Give up the fantasy that the other person will come back to take responsibility or give you an explanation, as this will only keep you in a toxic loop of illusion and dependence.
- You assume that sometimes it is not necessary to have an explanation to close a story or a chapter of your life.
Curiously, disappearance does not break ties, but rather maintains them. The person who does not show up leaves the resolution of the situation in your hands. As a result, the conflict or relationship remains in a kind of “limbo” that can last for a long time – with all the negative emotional consequences that this entails – if you are not able to cut it off.
So, let go of someone who doesn’t want to face the situation. That person probably doesn’t deserve your time, concern, and effort. Resolve what you can resolve and move on. Don’t wait until you’re two to put an end to it. It’s the wisest thing to do and will save you a lot of grief in the long run.
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