Anxiety is a normal part of children’s development. Some children worry about changes, such as starting kindergarten or school, and experience intense anxiety when this moment approaches. Other times, their fears are less concrete or come from their imaginations, such as fear of the dark or monsters. However, these fears, even if irrational, also cause anxiety.
Experiencing a certain level of anxiety is normal, but it’s also important to limit it from developing further. Otherwise, we’ll end up raising fearful and apprehensive children. The strategy for combating childhood anxiety isn’t to downplay or deny it, but to validate its existence and teach children how to manage these feelings.
How to quickly convey security and serenity to children?
1. “I love you. You’re safe.” Anxiety makes us feel insecure, and an alarm signal is immediately triggered in our brains. So, when you notice the first signs of anxiety in your child, hug them and let them know they’re safe. This way, their brain will calm down and the anxiety will subside. If necessary, stay with them for a while.
2. “What’s the worst that can happen?” Anxiety is basically a state of negative expectation. The person believes something bad will happen, even though they can’t say exactly what it will be. Therefore, it’s a good idea to help the child identify their worst fears and nightmares. When they realize that it’s just a feeling and they actually have nothing to fear, the anxiety will dissipate. You can also help them find a solution if the worst-case scenario comes true. Having a structured script that lets them know how to handle it significantly alleviates anxiety.
3. “Let’s count to…” As we become more aware of anxiety, it grows. The more we focus on palpitations, nervousness, or anxiety, the more these symptoms increase. Therefore, a good strategy to calm anxious children is to divert their attention from their anxiety. To do this, you can ask them to count the number of people with watches they see passing by if you’re in a doctor’s office or to count the trees if you’re on a road trip. The idea is to focus their attention on anything else that will keep them distracted.
4. “Draw how you feel.” Drawing, coloring, or simply doodling on paper has been shown to have an incredibly calming effect. You can use this activity as a technique to calm your child’s anxiety. Moreover, drawing is even more effective for young children, as it allows them to express emotions they find difficult to put into words due to their limited vocabulary and underdeveloped emotional intelligence.
5. “We’re an inseparable team.” Young children often feel anxious about being abandoned, especially when they suffer from what is known as “separation anxiety.” However, as they grow and become aware of the expectations their parents have placed on them, these expectations also cause them anxiety. Therefore, it’s important to reassure your child and take advantage of every opportunity to confirm that you’re a team and that they can always count on you, regardless of their mistakes. This way, they’ll feel calmer and know that their parents are a safe haven.
6. “Take a deep breath.” It’s never too early to teach relaxation techniques to children. When we experience anxiety, our pulse quickens and our breathing becomes shallow. The brain picks up on these changes and activates fight/flight mode because it thinks we’re in danger. Taking a deep breath helps these physiological changes return to normal, and the brain understands that it was a false alarm and that everything is okay.
7. “Do you remember when…?” Anxiety often clouds our judgment and wipes out our memory because all we can think about is how bad we’re feeling. However, we’ve likely been through worse times in the past. Therefore, it’s a good idea to remind anxious children of those moments. Remind them, for example, of that time they went to the dentist and how well they behaved, or how well they handled the first day of school, despite their nervousness. This way, the child will regain control and self-confidence.
8. “Let me know when two minutes have passed.” Anxiety feeds on anxiety. Therefore, one of the most effective strategies for eliminating it is to divert attention from the sensations we are experiencing. Ask your child to focus on the movement of the clock until two minutes have passed. The movement of the clock hands has an almost hypnotic effect that helps relax the mind.
9. “Sometimes worrying is good.” Many people who suffer from anxiety feel bad because they don’t accept these feelings. They categorize them as negative and inadequate and want to escape them. Of course, we know these feelings aren’t very pleasant, but they’re there for a reason, and we shouldn’t deny or resist them. So, instead of minimizing your child’s feelings, validate them and explain that sometimes worrying is good, but other times it’s simply excessive. Tell them that to avoid feeling this way, the best thing they can do is find solutions and establish action plans. This way, you shift the focus from the worry that generates anxiety to the solution that provides security.
10. “I’ve been there too.” When we experience anxiety, we feel overwhelmed, saturated by our own thoughts, as if they’re trapping us. To break out of this cycle, you can try having your child put themselves in your shoes. Tell them about a time you, too, felt fear and anxiety. This way, you’re not only getting their attention so they stop focusing on their symptoms, but you’re also conveying the idea that they’re not alone and that what they’re experiencing is normal and something we all have to deal with.
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