“Things go better for people who make things go better,” John Wooden said in a tongue-twister of sorts. What this basketball coach was referring to was the fact that most good things don’t just magically come into our lives; we must either work hard to make them happen or have the intelligence and sensitivity to take advantage of the opportunity when it comes our way.
However, if we look closely around us, we will see that the world is full of people who are in debt, who feel trapped in a job they do not love, and who are increasingly busy with inconsequential tasks that do not bring them any satisfaction.
The funny thing is that many of these people think that happiness is just around the corner. That is, they believe that if only one thing would change, they would be happier. They think that happiness will come if they win the lottery, or when they finish paying off their mortgage, or if they could move to another country…
The problem is that behind these beliefs lies the idea that happiness can be achieved when we eliminate suffering or discomfort. It is as if happiness were hidden under a rock. But this is not the case; eliminating pain or suffering does not necessarily mean being happier.
Happiness is a personal decision
Making happiness contingent on a condition means thinking that this state depends on circumstances, not on ourselves. We automatically become puppets of fate, waiting for the perfect circumstances to come along. Therefore, it also means that if the circumstances do not come together, we will never be happy.
However, those who have traveled the world and delved into other cultures will have realized that happiness does not necessarily depend on “perfect circumstances” but is a personal decision.
Happy people do not live in paradise, they are not safe from problems, but they have decided to focus on the aspects that bring them joy and satisfaction. Happy people have decided to change the lenses through which they look at the world and, instead of focusing on the negative aspects, they prefer to give importance to the positive things.
There are people who have been educated in a culture that has transmitted this attitude to them, or perhaps their parents knew how to instill in them this way of seeing life. Others have learned it on their own. However, there is no doubt that it is not an innate attitude; we can all learn to be happy.
Obviously, if you have spent many years dragging around a defeatist and negative attitude, you will not be able to change overnight. You may find it more difficult. In any case, there are some questions that can guide you through the change.
The questions that lead to happiness
1. Why should I be grateful? Gratitude is one of the pillars of happiness. Obviously, when everything is going well it is easy to find reasons to be grateful, but the important thing is to find those reasons in the midst of adversity. Even when everything around you seems to be turning black, there are reasons to be grateful. When you give thanks from the depths of your being, the world immediately changes color.
2. What makes me happy? Surprisingly, this is one of the most difficult questions to answer because most people focus on avoiding what causes them pain but are not aware of what makes them happy. However, think about those activities that really fill you with joy, that bring you true satisfaction and make you feel alive. These are the ones you should focus on.
3. What progress have I made? We often lose motivation and joy because we focus on failures, on how hard the road has been or on how much we still have to go. However, from time to time it is advisable to look back and recognize what we have achieved. We have all made a lot of progress, but sometimes we underestimate it or do not recognize it. Look back and focus on what you have achieved.
4. Who loves me? There are few things in life that give more satisfaction than the affection and love of other people. It could be a partner, parents, a friend or even that teacher with whom you have a special relationship and who has become your mentor. When you feel alone, remember those people, that will be enough to bring back joy.
5. Who can I help? One of the reasons why happiness eludes us is because we focus too much on ourselves. However, happiness is also found by helping others. In this act of giving or compassion we rediscover the best version of ourselves, the one that gives us the most satisfaction. Making others happy also implies being happy ourselves.
6. What can I do for the world? Studies have shown that people who get involved in causes that are bigger than themselves feel more fulfilled, satisfied, and happy. We can all make a contribution to the world, no matter how big or small. Through that act, you find a meaning in life that had previously remained hidden.
7. What options do I have? One of the things we often forget is that we always have the power to decide. So, regardless of how dark the horizon looks, always evaluate your options. You may not be able to appreciate them at first because you feel confused and trapped, but if you persist, you will be able to glimpse other alternatives. The simple fact of choosing a different path from the pre-established one can already be a source of happiness in itself.
Remember that happiness does not consist in waiting for perfect circumstances, but in discovering them even in the midst of the storm.
Leave a Reply