We learn to be ourselves through others. First we look into the eyes of the people around us, like our parents, and then we form a rather vague idea of who we are. Over the years, this idea becomes more defined, partly thanks to the people we meet along the way. They give us clues that confirm or refute our self-perception. In this process, our personality is formed.
The main problem is that the others become master potters who help shape our self-esteem and self-confidence, even though they do not know how to do it and often are not even fully aware of it.
Obviously, the problem arises when we pay too much attention to the opinions of others, when we worry excessively about what they think of us, to the point that we make important decisions motivated only by the desire to please or fit in.
Of course, we cannot completely ignore the opinions of others, because we are eminently social beings. However, when you care more about what others say than your own satisfaction, when you prioritize the acceptance of others over your own happiness, then sooner or later your path will go awry and when you look around you, you will only see dissatisfaction.
That’s why it’s essential to find the right balance between the person we want to be and the person others want us to be. It’s not easy, but the journey is worth it.
10 so that you don’t care what others say
1. The eyes of others are our prisons, their thoughts our cages. – Virginia Woolf
The great writer, who ended up committing suicide, knew very well what she was talking about, especially because she lived in a society where the literary world was dominated by men. And the fact is that on many occasions, the prism through which others see us only implies a limited vision of ourselves, because there is no one better than ourselves to know our potential.
2. I am not responsible for being what others expect me to be. It is their fault, not my fault. – Richard P. Feynman
Feynman was not an ordinary physicist; if he had been, he might not have won the Nobel Prize. He therefore warns us about the danger of thinking that when we do not meet the expectations of others, it is our fault, we feel that we have failed. Sometimes this feeling is so great and so deeply rooted that we carry it with us throughout our lives, especially when we have disappointed people who are important to us, such as our parents. However, not meeting the expectations of others is not a mistake and much less a defect; we should not let others pretend to live through our lives, shaping our aspirations.
3. Express what you are and say what you feel, because those who care don’t count and those who count don’t care. – Theodor Seuss Geisel
The writer and cartoonist was not only referring to self-confidence but also to love and acceptance. True love does not impose conditions, it is the kind of love that accepts a person not in spite of their defects, but also for their defects. The people who truly matter in our lives are those who push us to bring out the best in ourselves, those who encourage us and support us, not those who try to stunt our potential.
4. There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nobody. – Aristotle
The great Greek philosopher knew that it is practically impossible to escape criticism, unless you are so insignificant that you do not arouse anyone’s interest. Criticism is often based on envy, so in many cases it is simply a sign that we are on the right track. Therefore, before we become demoralized and consider giving up, we must consider whether it is constructive criticism, which allows us to improve, or, on the contrary, it is criticism that only intends to do harm. In that case, it is better to turn a deaf ear.
5. To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you someone else is the greatest achievement. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
The writer and philosopher who laid the foundations of transcendentalism invites us to be ourselves. Emerson thought that we all have an inner God and that we should let ourselves be guided more by intuition. Therefore, it does not matter what we long for or what we achieve, as long as it makes us happy. The simple fact of daring to dream something different and trying to achieve it, expressing ourselves authentically, is already a sufficient reason to feel proud of ourselves.
6. The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself. – Rita Mae Brown
The American writer could not have expressed it better. Trying to please everyone and seeking the acceptance and approval of others is the most direct path to dissatisfaction. When we adopt the dreams of others, we forget about our own, so we end up trapped in a life that does not satisfy us because it lacks hope and passion.
7. Worry about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner. – Lao Tzu
Taoism extols the power of the individual and, above all, their ability to reflect and decide for themselves. Therefore, it is not strange that one of its main philosophers gives us this warning: when we submit to the expectations of others, when we let them think for us, we are in their hands and we become easy prey for emotional manipulation. Remember that only that which we give importance to can harm us.
8. Great spirits will always encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds. Albert Einstein.
Einstein knew what he was talking about. He knew that challenging the established order is not easy. People tend to be very resistant to change, so any idea that challenges conventions can be dangerous. Very few are able to see beyond that, so they will try to stop you. However, remember that an unfulfilled vocation can drain the colour from an entire life.
9. The individual has always had to struggle to avoid being annihilated by the masses. If you try, you will often feel alone and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high for the privilege of being your own master. – Friedrich Nietzsche
No one said the path to authenticity was easy. In fact, we will find many people who will discourage us and invite us to follow pre-established rules. Because of this, we can sometimes feel alone and misunderstood. However, the gift is enormous because it involves being masters of our destiny, being able to decide what we want to do with our lives.
10. Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. – Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs knew he had cancer. During the years he spent battling the disease, he had plenty of time to reflect and leave us with an enlightening lesson: don’t let others impose their dreams on you, don’t try to continually meet their expectations because at the end of the journey, life will take its toll on you. The time we have is too short, so we shouldn’t waste it doing something that doesn’t satisfy us, simply because others do it or because it’s always been done that way.
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