Today’s world is stressful. It’s easy to get carried away with everyday obligations, rush from one task to another, and end up overwhelmed by stress. When we feel its sting, we look for something to help us disconnect and release tension. But sometimes the relaxing things we choose are a double-edged sword and end up creating more tension, even if we are not fully aware of it.
1. Binge watching series
It is understandable that after a long week at work, you feel like staying home and lying on the couch under the blanket watching television. During those long hours of work, this activity seems extremely relaxing. However, there is a catch.
We all need occasional moments of indulgence, but that’s not the same as turning it into a coping mechanism. Sitting in front of the television acts as an anesthetic: it makes you momentarily forget about stress, but it does not solve it.
In fact, it often adds more emotional and nervous tension simply because paying attention to what’s happening on the screen and following the plot involves additional processing, when perhaps what you need is to rest your mind, not dull it. For this reason, it is not surprising that researchers at the University of Michigan discovered that 32% of people admit that after binge-watching they sleep worse and suffer from fatigue.
2. Do other things to distract yourself
Although it may seem counterintuitive, many people fight stress by adding more tasks to their schedule. When they feel stressed by a family conflict, for example, they take on more obligations at work to directly avoid the source of the stress.
However, this avoidance strategy will not give good results in the long term. Although it will keep your mind busy, avoiding thinking about what stresses you, it will not solve the underlying problem and will generate greater exhaustion on the physical and mental level.
When you start saying “yes” to a series of things for which you don’t have the time or the emotional or mental bandwidth… you fall into a spiral that leads to resentment and frustration, which will end up aggravating the stress you are trying to escape from.
3. Tell you that you shouldn’t stress
Have you ever tried to relax only to end up more overwhelmed by negative thoughts and worries? We know that stress is harmful, especially when it lasts for long periods of time, so we remind ourselves not to stress. However, at that point you can fall into what is known as “stress relaxation,” a state of anxiety induced by unsuccessful attempts to relax.
A study conducted at Pennsylvania State University estimated that 30 to 50% of people typically suffer from paradoxical anxiety. Attempts of intentional relaxation in mentally taxing situations can trap you in a vicious and destructive cycle in which you fail to relieve stress and experience more negative emotions.
In part, this is because you add more pressure. When you tell yourself not to feel stressed, a surveillance mechanism is activated to detect and override all signs of stress, adding more tension. Due to the rebound effect, what worries you becomes fixed and grows. And when you’re in that state, you can’t fully enjoy relaxing things.
How to relax – really?
Remember that, as a rule, evasion does not work. Distracting yourself from what is worrying you may be a valid strategy on a one-off basis, but it should not become a long-term strategy because it will probably aggravate the situation. The more you ignore your stress, the more it will stay in the back of your mind, to the point that even the most “small” things will start to feel overwhelming.
Try to discover the sources of that emotional tension so that you can minimize its impact as much as possible. This way you will be addressing the root problem. If it is due to overwork, try to slow down a bit and if the cause is a relationship problem, try to solve it.
Of course, you will also have to find those relaxing things that help you maintain emotional balance. Everyone is different, sometimes you have to try several options to find what works best. Some people relax by listening to music, others by doing meditation or taking a walk in nature.
Relaxing things – really – are those that allow you to disconnect from the world to connect with yourself. Therefore, if you want to reduce stress, you may need to start by learning to say “no” without explaining, setting limits, and taking more time for yourself.
References:
Exelmans, L. & Van den Bulck, J. (2017) Binge viewing, sleep, and the role of pre-sleep arousal. J Clin Sleep Med; 13(8): 1001-1008.
Heide, F. J. & Borkovec, T. D. (1983) Relaxation-induced anxiety: Paradoxical anxiety enhancement due to relaxation training. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology;51(2), 171–182.
