Laughter is one of the best social glues, although it’s also one of the most underestimated. In fact, laughter is an excellent predictor of the quality of interpersonal relationships and can immediately reveal whether someone likes us or not. However, it’s not easy to find someone who always makes us laugh, no matter how much time passes and even in the worst of times. So, if you’ve found someone like that, don’t let them get away.
We laugh to connect with others
We tend to think of laughter as being linked to jokes and a sense of humor. We think we laugh because we find something funny. However, Robert Provine, a psychologist at the University of Maryland, discovered that laughter hides something else. We actually laugh more when we’re surrounded by friends.
In fact, their research has revealed that we’re 30 times more likely to laugh at a joke when we’re in the company of others. If we’re alone, the likelihood of a joke making us laugh decreases, but if we’re with our friends, the likelihood of laughing at things we wouldn’t find so funny in other contexts increases.
Therefore, laughter is not a reaction, as we often think, but a form of communication, the purpose of which is to connect with others and show them that we understand them. In fact, laughter has been shown to be highly contagious. Brain scans have shown that our brain responds to another person’s laughter by immediately activating the facial muscles we need to smile.
Laughter tells us how much interest we arouse
Humor has evolved to become a way to signal our interest in others. One theory suggests that when we’re in certain social settings, we crack little jokes to gauge our acceptance. If people like us, they’ll likely laugh naturally, but if they don’t, they’ll force a smile or not smile at all because when there’s no real interest, laughter doesn’t come spontaneously.
In fact, when we don’t know someone, humor isn’t just a way to break the ice, it’s also a way to find out how they like us and how interested they are in us. The same thing happens in established relationships with friends or partners: the exchange of laughs is an indicator that each member feels satisfied in the other’s company.
This is confirmed by a study conducted at the University of Berkeley, which found that relationships last longer when partners are able to make each other laugh. These psychologists asked one partner to address a difficult topic for the other. They found that despite the fact that they often argued, when one partner made the other laugh, both not only felt better immediately but also reported higher levels of satisfaction in the relationship and tended to stay together longer.
Of course, this “dance of laughter” doesn’t usually occur consciously. However, our subconscious uses humor and smiling to gauge the degree of interest we arouse in the other person, and it can also sense rejection.
Laughter allows us to connect emotionally on a deeper level
Laughter also helps us make new friends. In fact, it makes it easier for people to open up. Psychologists at University College London recruited 112 people who didn’t know each other and paired them up to watch a video. Some pairs watched a comedy, others watched golf instruction, and still others a relaxing nature documentary.
Psychologists assessed how much the participants laughed during the screening. Afterward, they were asked to write a message to the other person so that they could get to know them better. Interestingly, people who had laughed together were more likely to share personal details.
The explanation can’t simply be found in the positive shared experience, but in the physiology behind smiling. In practice, when we smile, it activates the production of endorphins, which is why we feel more relaxed and closer to strangers.
Therefore, laughter makes us more open and willing to share personal details. It also breaks down that initial emotional block, breaking down social barriers and helping us create deeper emotional bonds.
Treasure those who make you laugh
Someone once said, “A good friend is someone who makes you laugh when you thought you’d never smile again.” Finding someone you can laugh with is difficult because it’s not just about the sense of humor, it’s about the emotional connection that’s established deep down. So, if you’ve found someone like that, take care of them, don’t lose them, because they’re a true treasure.
Sources:
Gray, A.W. et al (2015). Laughter’s Influence on the Intimacy of Self-Disclosure. Human Nature 26(1):28-43.
Keltner, D. & Bonanno, GA (1997) A Study of Laughter and Dissociation: Distinct Correlates of Laughter and Smiling During Bereavement. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology ; 73(4): 687-702.
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