Stop waiting for what doesn’t happen and assume that what you don’t expect can happen

In life, sometimes what you don’t expect happens and you expect what doesn’t happen.

It has happened to all of us.

We spend days, months or even years waiting for something to happen: for that person to change, for that opportunity we long for to finally arrive, for life to reward us – in some way – for our efforts. But the wait drags on and what we long for never arrives. Thus, that languid wait gradually turns into frustration and silent disappointment. 

Meanwhile, life goes on its course and suddenly it hits us with all the force of the unexpected. Something we never saw coming. Unforeseen news. A disconcerting plot twist. An event that was not even a remote possibility in our plans. Life has this curious way of challenging us: sometimes what you don’t expect happens, and you expect what doesn’t happen.

But why do we cling so tightly to what we want to happen and resist what actually happens? The answer lies – at least in part – in how our brain processes uncertainty.

The expectation bias: when the mind plays against us

Our brain hates uncertainty. It loves to predict, plan and organize everything into a timeline where things maintain a logical and predictable order. It makes us believe that if we try hard enough or wait patiently, things will turn out the way we want them to.

But life is not a mathematical equation. 1 + 1 does not always equal 2. Sometimes you expect recognition and receive indifference. You expect love and find distance. You work for stability and sink into chaos.

This clash between what we want to happen and what actually happens causes us frustration, anxiety and, in many cases, paralysis. Because the more we cling to our expectations, the harder it is for us to accept what reality puts before us and react accordingly.

Expectations are like maps we draw in our minds. They help us orient ourselves, plan , and dream. But when they become rigid demands for what should be, when we want things to happen in a specific way and at a specific time, that map stops being useful and becomes a prison.

Obviously, the goal is not to completely get rid of expectations, but to stop clinging to them as if they were the only possible reality. Expectations are nothing more than probabilities and wishes. But life is unpredictable and, no matter how much we try to control it, there will always be factors that are beyond our reach. And that’s where the magic happens: when we stop expecting what doesn’t happen, we open ourselves up to receiving what can happen.

The power of the unexpected

Think about all those times when life surprised you with something you didn’t expect. Maybe it was a job you weren’t looking for but that ended up being perfect for you, a person who came along at the least expected moment to enrich your life, or a change of plans that, although it initially threw you off, ended up leading you to a better place.

The unexpected has a transformative power. It takes us out of our comfort zone, forces us to adapt, and in many cases, teaches us lessons we wouldn’t have learned otherwise. When we stop resisting what we don’t control, we start to flow with life. And it’s in that flow that we find opportunities to challenge ourselves.

Of course, not all unexpected changes are positive. Sometimes, life hits us with news we don’t want to hear, losses we’re not prepared to face, or situations that completely destabilize us. In those moments, it’s normal to feel fear, anger, or sadness. It’s not about denying those emotions, but about allowing ourselves to feel them and, little by little, finding a way to channel them to move forward. Even the darkest moments represent an opportunity to learn, grow, and discover strengths we didn’t know we had.

It’s important to remember that the unexpected, though not always welcome, is a part of life. We can’t stop difficult things from happening, but we can choose how we respond. Sometimes what initially seems like a devastating blow eventually becomes a turning point that leads us to rethink our priorities, value what really matters, and discover new paths we might not have otherwise explored.

Life is not linear, and that is what makes it so fascinating and, at the same time, so challenging. Accepting that not everything unexpected will be positive, but that even in adversity there are opportunities, will allow us to live with greater resilience and openness. In the end, it is not about controlling everything that happens, but about learning to dance with uncertainty, knowing that, whatever happens, we have the strength to move forward.

How to let go of expectations and embrace the unexpected

• Accept uncertainty as part of life. You can’t control everything, and the sooner you accept this, the more peaceful you’ll be.
• Review your expectations. Are they realistic or based on an ideal that doesn’t necessarily have to be met?
• Let go of the idea that life owes you something. Reality does not operate on the basis of what is fair or unfair, but on the basis of what is.
• Adapt. Instead of getting stuck on what should have been, ask yourself: What can I do with what is?
• Keep an open mind. Sometimes what comes unexpectedly is better than you had planned. Don’t close yourself off, explore.
• Be more flexible. Don’t get married to just one outcome. If things don’t go your way, what else can happen? There may be opportunities hidden in what at first seems like an obstacle.
• Trust the flow of life. Not everything makes sense at the moment, but over time, many things fall into place. Stop fighting what you can’t control and trust that you can move forward.
• Make room for the new. If you hold on to what isn’t coming, you leave no room for what could come. Letting go isn’t losing, it’s opening yourself up to the unexpected.

Life goes on – whether you like it or not

Life isn’t a script that we can write from start to finish. It’s more of an ever-evolving story, full of unexpected twists, surprising characters, and moments we didn’t see coming. And while that can be scary, it also makes it exciting.

If you keep waiting for what doesn’t happen, you’re probably missing out on what’s happening around you. Life doesn’t wait for you to decide to accept it; it just goes on – with or without you. The sooner you embrace that reality, the less you’ll suffer and the more serenity you’ll find.

In the end, the unexpected is not always bad. Sometimes, it is just what you needed, even if you didn’t know it or didn’t want to accept it. So, stop waiting for what doesn’t happen and accept that what you don’t expect can happen.