There are 6 stress languages: do you recognize yours?

Have you ever argued with someone and felt like you both spoke such different languages ​​that it was difficult to reach an understanding? It is likely that this distance was due to the fact that you had different stress languages; that is, dissimilar ways of thinking and facing conflictive and challenging situations.

How do you express stress?

When we have to deal with highly stressful situations, our brain sounds the alarm and prepares the body to face what is coming. However, not all of us face these situations in the same way.   

The specialist in physiotherapy and stress management, Chantal Donnelly, proposed that there are five languages ​​of stress and confirmed that the way we deal with situations that overwhelm us accompanies us throughout life.

1. Imploder.  In this case, a “freezing” response occurs in the face of the stressful situation. The person who implodes feels desperate and helpless at the same time, so they become paralyzed. When faced with problems, he remains stunned and frozen by fear and it is even possible that in situations of serious risk he suffers tonic immobility, an evolutionary adaptive reaction to the attack when we believe that it is not possible to resist or escape.
2. Explosive.  This person launches a classic “fight or flight” response to the stressful situation. The problem is that he often exaggerates, which is why he becomes very angry or even reacts aggressively. They are extremely reactive people, prone to irritation and frustration. They are also likely to leave hastily when they cannot manage the situation without explaining themselves.
3. Submissive. This language of stress moves away from the most classic reactions since it focuses on trying to calm the waters. In practice, what this person tries to do is avoid conflict, so he not only calms things down, but also shows an extremely complacent attitude, in many cases exceeding his own limits. He assumes a submissive strategy, which often also involves trying to go unnoticed or bending to the other’s wishes so as not to represent a threat.
4. Anesthetized. In this case, the person tries to escape from the stressful situation by not thinking about it. He does not face it, but rather “closes his eyes,” metaphorically, so as not to see what is happening. He implements avoidance strategies, often falling into escapism. As a result, he may turn to alcohol or drugs, but also food and video games to anesthetize his emotions. In other cases, they may seek refuge in the work environment, becoming addicted to work or even physical exercise, which they use as an escape valve.
5. Denialist. People who use this language of stress face problems with toxic optimism. This response, increasingly widespread in recent times, is also an evasion strategy since it prevents us from seeing the world as it is and taking note of reality. These people calm themselves by trying to convince themselves that everything is fine, denying what is happening, which prevents them from dealing with it in an adaptive way. They tend to look for excuses or rationalizations to feel safer and often deny the evidence.

Understanding how we and those around us manage stress will help us anticipate reactions, so we can better control ourselves or anticipate what will happen to prevent the situation from degenerating.

However, sometimes it is difficult to identify the language of personal stress since they are long-standing response patterns and generally arise in situations that overwhelm us emotionally. Therefore, it is often advisable to ask those around us how they think we react to problems.

Furthermore, we must keep in mind that we can use different languages ​​of stress, depending on the circumstances or the person in front of us. For example, using explosive language with our boss is not a very good idea, so in those cases we could try another approach, such as relaxing or denying the problem.

How to activate the sixth stress language?

There is a sixth stress language that could be classified as adaptive. In this case, despite the physiological activation produced by the stressful situation, the person manages to maintain calm and control to think about the possible options and choose the one that seems most appropriate. These people do not just react, but act consciously in order to mitigate the effects of stress as soon as possible.

What is the secret to avoiding the emotional hijacking that pushes us to activate old reaction patterns? Often it’s as simple as asking yourself: what do I need to do now? That simple question can deactivate the emotional response and allow us to begin functioning in a “pragmatic mode.”

At the same time, it pushes us to take note of the situation, evaluate our resources and look for solutions. Therefore, for most of the stressful situations we experience in life, asking ourselves that question is enough to activate an adaptive response that helps us get out of the problem as soon as possible with the least possible damage.