When I let go of what I am, I become what I could be.
When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.
The void is full.
When I surrender, I am more.
When I feel most destroyed, I grow.
When I desire nothing, everything comes to me.
This is the paradox of detachment, one of the teachings preached by Taoism that could radically change the way we face and understand life, helping us find greater peace and serenity in our daily lives.
In fact, in the field of psychology, one of the least discussed but most important topics is authenticity. Being authentic is becoming less common; it’s something we lose as we put on different masks to deal with society.
Thus, we fall victim to a contradiction: the more adapted we are, the better we function in different social contexts, the further we are from our essence, the less authentic we are.
And as we move away from our essence, as that disconnection from our “self” occurs, we stop attending to our true needs and assume the goals of others as our own, believing that their dreams can also satisfy us.
In fact, we live in a world of invented and globalized needs, where most people aspire to the same things, without stopping to think about what they really want, what would make them happy, or what they need. Therefore, it’s not surprising that when they achieve some of their “goals,” they feel empty and unfulfilled. They then think happiness is a pipe dream created just to sell self-help books.
The good news is that this isn’t the case. The bad news is that happiness is built day by day, starting with one person.
Authenticity is achieved by looking within, with detachment
According to the paradox of detachment, the key to breaking out of this recursive cycle that only adds unnecessary stress to our lives lies in discovering our essence through detachment.
Let’s analyze some of the verses in detail:
1. When I let go of what I am, I become what I could be. Only when we manage to let go of the stereotypes, beliefs, and preconceived ideas we’ve formed over the years about the world and about ourselves can we discover our true potential. Only when that voice in your head stops telling you that you can’t or that you’re not capable can you dare to do what you truly want. When you free yourself from the conditioning that binds you, you discover how far you can go because you leave behind all those roles that pigeonhole you. Then you become a more whole person.
2. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. We live in a society where we spend money we don’t have on things we don’t need, all in order to impress people who don’t care about us. In this race toward materialism, we lose our essence. However, when we manage to let go of all those things we supposedly need to project an image of success, a miracle occurs: freedom arrives, and with it, spiritual peace. When we no longer need to impress others or pursue things that aren’t truly essential, we achieve serenity, which comes from self-knowledge and self-confidence.
3. When I give of myself, I am more. Most major religions have always preached giving to others. Now, psychological studies confirm that in the act of helping others, we grow as people and help ourselves. A meta-analysis that included 40 studies conducted over the last 20 years revealed without a doubt that helping people through volunteer activities not only decreases the risk of depression and increases the sense of well-being, but also reduces the risk of dying at an early age by 22%. Without a doubt, connecting with other people face-to-face is very beneficial as it activates the production of oxytocin, a hormone that helps us cope with stress. Furthermore, helping others makes us feel better, giving us a broader sense of life. This is why a paradox arises: the more we give of ourselves to others, the deeper we reach within ourselves.
4. When I feel most destroyed, I grow. It’s normal for us to want to avoid pain and suffering. That’s why, over the centuries, we’ve invested them with such a negative imprint that we’re unable to appreciate their positive side. In fact, did you know that pearls are the result of a wound in the oyster and are nothing more than layers that have grown to heal that damage? Similarly, problems, conflicts, and mistakes can become great life lessons that allow us to become stronger and wiser. The key lies in being aware of this. It doesn’t mean the wound hurts less, but you can use it to your advantage to grow. For example, a heart attack can plunge a person into the deepest depression, shortening their life, or it can be the reason that pushes them to adopt healthier habits that allow them to live more fully. You have no power over circumstances, but you can decide how to react to them.
5. When I desire nothing, everything comes to me. The desire to achieve certain things only serves to generate tension. That tension will cause you to make mistakes, make you more irritable, and ultimately affect your health and your interpersonal relationships. On the contrary, when we set a goal but don’t live it with anxiety but instead learn to enjoy the journey, we will always have won, because whether we achieve it or not, we will have learned. It’s not about not having goals, but about not letting ourselves be blinded by them, such that we lose our way. Because what we truly need are not things but experiences, and when we focus on these, we grow.
Reference:
Jenkinson, C. E. et. Al. (2013) Is volunteering a public health intervention? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the health and survival of volunteers. BMC Public Health; 13: 773.
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