“If you want to succeed in life, you must follow one rule: never lie to yourself.” This quote by Paulo Coelho contains a great truth, an open secret to which we usually remain deaf.
In fact, have you ever wondered how many lies you tell in a day? According to a study conducted at the University of Southern California, the average person tells 200 lies a day. If that number seems exaggerated, you should know that another experiment, this time conducted at the University of Massachusetts, discovered that in a banal conversation lasting just 10 minutes, we can tell an average of 2 to 3 lies.
Although no lie is justifiable, perhaps the worst lies are those we tell ourselves because they considerably limit our potential and prevent us from seeing things as they really are.
We lie to ourselves in a thousand different ways, but at the root of this self-deception are two fundamental reasons:
– We don’t want to face reality. In this case, we lie to ourselves even though we are aware that we are deceiving ourselves. In other words, we make up excuses to justify our failures or poor performance. We make promises to ourselves that we later fail to keep, and thus we only disappoint ourselves.
– We don’t know the truth. In this case, we are not fully aware that we are lying to ourselves. We are so used to this inner dialogue that we maintain with ourselves that we can no longer distinguish the boundaries between reality and our beliefs. Obviously, these lies are even more dangerous because they can undermine our self-esteem and lead to resounding failures.
Lie #1: Happiness – “If only _____, my life would be fantastic”
In this case, we are fully convinced that our life would be an earthly paradise if only… we had more money, a perfect body, more friends, an ideal partner, more freedom, a better job…
What happens is that we have spent so much time thinking about that problem that we have idealized the solution. We have forgotten that we can be happy here and now, and we have subordinated our happiness to a solution that, in reality, may not bring us as much satisfaction as we imagined.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with setting goals and striving to achieve them. That ambition, that desire to improve, is in our DNA and makes us better people. However, the lie lies in the fact that we have linked our happiness to that condition, as if not having it were the source of all our ills and having it would be the magic pill to eradicate them. This lie condemns us day after day to a perennial feeling of frustration, as if our life were on standby , waiting for something.
However, remember that often, the things we most desire do not always bring the happiness we expect and, above all, they are not a guarantee of permanent happiness. Schweitzer stated: “ Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success .”
Lie #2: Time – “If I had more time, I could finally _____”
We firmly believe that if there were a few more hours in a day, we could achieve all our dreams or carry out that project that we have forgotten in the desk drawer. We believe that if we set a goal and we don’t achieve it, it’s because we need more time.
However, we spend an average of 3 hours a day in front of the television and more than 1 hour surfing the Internet, not counting the time we spend texting on our mobile phones. In fact, one of the main differences between a successful person and someone who indefinitely postpones their dreams is that the former knows how to use their time effectively.
In reality, it is not time that we lack, what we lack is enthusiasm and willpower, but we do not always want to acknowledge it. It is worth clarifying that it is not about spending every minute of the day doing something, relaxation and rest are also important for our well-being.
However, if you have a project in hand, don’t use lack of time as an excuse. Make sure you don’t spend more time on small things than you do on important things. When you reorganize your priorities, you’ll realize that time is not an issue.
Lie #3: Procrastination – “I’ll start _____ tomorrow ”
This is probably one of the most common lies we tell ourselves throughout our lives. Imagine that day when most things went wrong, when you feel stressed and tired. You feel like you’ve wasted the day, so somewhere in your mind, a feeling of guilt begins to build up . So, to dispel it, you decide that tomorrow will be different. This has been a wasted day, but the next one will be worth it and you will make the most of it.
However, do you really think that tomorrow will be a perfect day and that you will finally wake up full of energy and motivation?
The truth is that we don’t know what tomorrow will be like and what situations we will have to face, so this phrase often simply hides our laziness or lack of motivation for the task we must face. In fact, once you put something off until tomorrow, you are likely to put it off again until next week.
So, if you really want to do something, you better not put it off without a good reason. Remember that if you are not living your dreams today, it is probably because you decided to put them off yesterday.
References:
Feldman, R. S. et. Al. (2002) Self-Presentation and Verbal Deception: Do Self-Presenters Lie More? Basic and Applied Social Psychology; 24(2): 163-170.
Jellison, J. M. (1977) I’m Sorry, I Didn’t Mean To, and Other Lies We Love To Tell. Nueva York: Chatam.
