“A wealthy merchant hired a carpenter to restore an old colonial house. As the merchant was one of those people who likes to have everything under control and was worried that the work would not be done properly, he decided to spend a day at the house to see how the work was going.
At the end of the day, he realized that the carpenter had worked hard, even though he had suffered several setbacks. To top off the day of bad luck, the car also refused to run so the businessman offered to drive him home.
The carpenter did not speak during the whole journey, visibly angry and worried about all the setbacks he had had throughout the day. However, when he arrived he invited the merchant to meet his family and have dinner, but before opening the door, he stopped in front of a small tree and caressed its branches for a few minutes.
When he opened the door and entered the house, the transformation was radical: he looked like a happy man. Dinner was spent in laughter and lively conversation. At the end of the evening, the carpenter accompanied the merchant to the carriage. As they passed the tree, the merchant asked him:
– What’s so special about that tree? Before you came in you were angry and worried, and after you touched it you were a different man.
– That is the tree of problems – the carpenter replied. – I know that I cannot avoid setbacks at work, but I do not have to take my worries home with me. When I touch its branches, I leave my worries there and I pick them up the next morning when I return to work. The interesting thing is that every morning I find fewer reasons to worry than I left the day before.
That night, the rich merchant learned one of the most valuable lessons of his life.“
The mental “virus” of worries
Worries oppress us and manage to ruin those moments of relaxation that we have earned through hard work and sacrifice. In fact, it is not unusual that when we are on vacation, we continue to think about the work we left pending or that during the weekend we allow clients to interfere with our family time.
However, Napoleon Bonaparte said, “Free yourself from worries as you free yourself from clothes before going to bed.”
In reality, worries act like a real mental virus that generates anxiety and stress, turning us into irritable people who are unable to enjoy the here and now. The good news is that we can free ourselves from these worries, at least momentarily, and it is likely that when we return to them, they will be less threatening than they seemed at first.
3 strategies to free yourself from worries
1. The ritual
The Trouble Tree referred to in the story is just one ritual, but there are many others. The important thing is to find the ritual that helps you to free yourself from worries. For example, a good ritual is to practice meditation, diaphragmatic breathing or relaxation 10 minutes before going to bed. In this way, the storm that exists in your mind will turn into a calm sea and you will be able to sleep peacefully.
However, there are many other alternatives, such as listening to some music or taking a short walk after work, preferably in nature, to get rid of all the problems that arose at the office. The important thing is that you set yourself the goal of putting your worries aside. At first it will be difficult, but as the ritual becomes automatic, it will become much easier.
2. A mnemonic exercise
Another way to let go of worries is to put them into perspective. When we detach ourselves emotionally from situations, they tend to seem less threatening and we can find a solution more easily. A very simple exercise to do this is to remember what worried you exactly 365 days ago, counting from the present. What were you worried about on a day like today but a year ago?
You probably don’t remember it because, unless you’ve been through something really stressful, the everyday worries that plague us tend to be fleeting and leave no trace in our memory. So, what you’re worried about today may be inconsequential in a few months, so start de-emphasizing it emotionally right now. When you feel overwhelmed and about to burst from daily worries, keep in mind this Swedish proverb: “Worries allow small things to cast long shadows.”
3. The appointment
If you’ve had a recurring worry over the past few days, it’s time to ask him or her out on a date. Yes, set aside 30 minutes of your time each day to think freely about the things that worry you, to give free rein to your worries. However, just as if you were on a date, at that moment you should not think about anything other than your worries.
You will soon realize that it is not easy to keep your thoughts focused for half an hour on a single worry, but try to give it your attention and think about the consequences of the problem until they become grotesque. This way, your worries will be less threatening. Also, throughout the day, when a worry assails you, simply write it down and postpone it until the time of your next appointment. This way you will avoid worrying all the time, which affects your performance, your interpersonal relationships and your mental health.
And if all this were not enough, you can write this quote from the writer Jodi Picoult somewhere you see every day, so that it is a constant reminder: “Worries are like a treadmill: they tire you out but they don’t take you anywhere.”
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