There is a time to leave, even if you don’t know where to go

“There is a time to leave, even when there is no safe place to go,” wrote Tennessee Williams in “Camino Real.” In the play, the writer described a place where misfits sought refuge, which ended up becoming a dead-end scenario.

In life, we often find ourselves trapped in relationships or situations that hurt us, but we don’t dare to leave them for fear of the uncertainty that lies ahead. Not seeing a safe harbor to reach is scary, but sometimes it’s better to face the fear of the unknown than to continue enduring the pain of the known.

Fear of the uncertain, the brake that prevents us from escaping from what harms us

Resistance to change is deeply rooted in our minds. Our brains are programmed to seek stability and security in the midst of chaos. Familiar situations, even if they are painful or limiting, often seem more comfortable or safe than uncertainty. In fact, many people prefer the “certainty of misery, to the misery of uncertainty,” as Virginia Satir said.

Too often we cling to the familiar, even when it no longer serves us, simply because it gives us an illusory sense of security. We can develop this toxic attachment to relationships, but also to jobs, habits or even ways of thinking. The problem is that when something has lost its purpose or even hurts, staying at that point in the path will do us more harm than good.

Fear of the unknown is not a compelling reason to continue to endure situations that harm or limit us because, in the long run, it will not only affect our emotional well-being, but it will shatter our sense of self-efficacy and self-confidence, tying us to a life of frustration and regret. The unknown may be scary, but holding on to what harms us is a guarantee of suffering.

Signs that it’s time to leave

It’s not always easy to identify when it’s time to leave. Ending a relationship is painful, and leaving behind what’s known is scary, especially because we have no guarantees of what’s coming next. But staying when we need to move on means voluntarily confining ourselves to a prison of our own making.

Here are some of the most common signs that it might be time to consider a change:

1. Emotional burnout. If what used to motivate and satisfy you only causes you stress now, it may be a sign that something has changed in your priorities or needs, so you may need to let go.
2. Stagnation. Feeling stuck in life, like you’re living in a permanent Groundhog Day, with no opportunities to learn or move forward, is an important warning that you need a change of scenery.
3. Dissatisfaction. Sometimes, you don’t need concrete reasons to leave. A persistent feeling of discomfort and dissatisfaction with life can be more than enough to prompt you to explore other paths.
4. Constant conflicts. An unsustainable level of problems, conflicts and friction, which are not resolved but rather worsen over time, can be a clear indicator that the relationship or situation you are experiencing is no longer healthy and you need to put an end to it.
5. Emotional cost outweighs benefit. If staying where you are means sacrificing your mental well-being or your values, it’s a clear sign of imbalance that should encourage you to pack your bags – literally or metaphorically speaking.

One question that can help you decide if it’s time to leave is: Do I like the person I need to be to get through this situation? If you feel like you can’t be yourself or you don’t like the person you’re becoming, that’s a good reason to close that chapter of your life. In the end, losing the parts of yourself that you value most can be much worse than jumping into the unknown.

Leaving, a necessary act of courage

Obviously, leaving doesn’t always mean packing up your things and moving somewhere else. Sometimes it’s an internal decision, a break with what ties you down in order to open yourself up to something new. In both cases, leaving what is known is not easy – and that’s normal.

Leaving involves acknowledging the possibility of loss and being willing to deal with the void it leaves behind. However, it is also an act of courage, especially when you need to prioritize your well-being.

To deal with the uncertainty that drastic changes entail, it is advisable to:

• Define your reasons. Before taking the plunge, reflect on your motivations. Being clear about what you want – and what you don’t want – will help you stay strong in the face of uncertainty.
• Accept fear as part of the process. It’s completely natural to feel fear of the unknown or even to experience some rejection of change. Acknowledging those feelings, without letting them paralyze you, is essential to moving forward.
• Trust in your ability to adapt. Humans are surprisingly flexible and resilient. Although you may find change difficult at first, over time you will adapt and learn to navigate your new reality. Don’t hesitate!

In any case, remember that leaving doesn’t necessarily mean having all the answers or a detailed plan. It means taking a step, even if it’s a small one, to begin to distance yourself from the situation that is harming or hindering you. Many times, that act is the beginning of finding yourself. After all, in most cases, security is not external, but comes from the confidence you have in yourself to face whatever comes.