In life, there are situations beyond our control that can cause us great pain, plunge us into sadness, or generate profound anger. No one doubts it, and sooner or later, we will all experience these things.
However, some people focus only on those aspects and end up believing that life is a string of tears. Others, on the contrary, prefer to focus on the things they can control, preferring to strive for happiness, or at least try.
If we adopt this perspective, we can understand that being happy is a personal decision we must make every day. And to achieve this, it is essential to be aware of those behaviors and attitudes that end up making us miserable.
What differentiates people who strive for happiness?
1. Happy people embrace change. Unhappy people fear it
Embracing change is one of the most difficult challenges we can face in life. Most people find it easier to remain safely in their comfort zone, where they know exactly what to expect and have everything relatively under control. However, in that zone, happiness languishes, because being happy also means experiencing new things, daring to push our limits, and constantly evolving. In fact, happiness is not at odds with fear and anxiety; they intertwine to allow us to grow.
2. Happy people talk about ideas. Unhappy people talk about others
Happy people focus on themselves, strive to clarify what they want and chart a path to achieve it. In fact, one of the great secrets of happiness lies in abandoning unhealthy criticism, the unhealthy need to be concerned about the lives of others, and, above all, the belief that we are superior and can become judges of others’ behavior and attitudes. Unhappy people, on the other hand, focus on criticizing others, thereby wasting valuable energy that could be used to improve their lives.
3. Happy people take responsibility for their mistakes. Unhappy people blame others
In our society, there’s a widespread belief that mistakes are negative, making it very difficult for people to accept them willingly. However, blaming others is the most direct path to unhappiness. On the contrary, happy people have an internal locus of control, so they’re able to take responsibility for their actions without feeling like they’ve failed or carrying the burden of guilt. These people understand that mistakes are learning opportunities and use them to grow. This way, when they make mistakes, instead of crying over spilled milk or looking for someone to blame, they learn their lessons and move forward, with a more complete toolbox for life.
4. Happy people forgive. Unhappy people hold grudges
One of the most damaging feelings we can experience is resentment; it’s like burning slowly of our own volition. Resentment not only makes us unhappy but also triggers a series of physiological reactions that increase our susceptibility to illness. That’s why happy people know they need to forgive and move on. In fact, forgiveness is extremely liberating, as it prevents us from being prisoners of the past and allows us to live fully in the present. If we are unable to forgive, we will remain prisoners of resentment, tied to that situation that has caused us so much harm and continues to do so much harm.
5. Happy people focus on the positive. Unhappy people only see the spots in the sun
Happy people aren’t naive optimists; they don’t succumb to toxic optimism. On the contrary, they can be very realistic and are able to keep their expectations in check. However, they prefer to focus on the positive aspects of situations because they know it can motivate themselves and make them feel better. These people are aware that the glass is half empty, but they choose to focus on the fact that it’s also half full. On the contrary, unhappy people focus on the negative aspects of situations, which is why they end up developing a pessimistic view of the world that ruins their days. These people prefer to see the spots on the sun, rather than appreciate the warmth and light it gives us.
6. Happy people seize opportunities. Unhappy people sit back and complain
One of the keys to having a full life and being happy is seizing opportunities. Happy people know this and are always willing to consider different alternatives. These people know they can make mistakes, but they prefer to take risks rather than sit idly by and later regret not having seized the opportunity. On the contrary, unhappy people wallow in their bitterness and let opportunities pass them by, constantly inventing excuses and then complaining about their “bad luck,” without realizing that they are the ones who shape their own destiny.
7. Happy people follow their own dreams. Unhappy people cling to the opinions of others
Happy people dream as if they’ll live forever and live as if they’ll die tomorrow. This means they have big plans for their future, but at the same time, they don’t let the here and now slip away. They don’t postpone their happiness or subordinate it to a distant goal; instead, they know how to take advantage of the little things in their present that bring them joy and satisfaction. On the contrary, unhappy people let others dictate their goals; they depend on their opinions and assessments. And the most direct path to dissatisfaction, bitterness, and remorse is to follow the path blazed by others, depending on their opinions. The key to true happiness is knowing what we truly need and having the courage to fight for it.
Benjamin Franklin had already said: “Human happiness is not achieved by great strokes of luck, which may occur only a few times in a lifetime, but by small things that happen every day .”
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