Looking back, assuming a certain psychological distance, can be very constructive. When we look back, we connect all the dots that previously seemed unconnected and many things that we did not understand before make sense. However, this exercise can be a double-edged sword, especially when we regret, when we believe that we have made bad decisions, that we should have done things differently. Then regret arises.
Perhaps the most curious thing is that we tend to stumble over the same stone several times, so we often end up regretting the same things. We create a decision-making and behavioural pattern that leads us to always make the same mistakes. The good news is that simply being aware of this pattern will allow us to take control of our lives.
What do we regret most often?
1. Not having the courage. There is nothing worse than looking back and thinking “if only I had… ”. Think for a few moments about all those things you could have done but never did. How do you feel now? What do you think would have happened if you had made a different decision? Unfortunately, you can’t travel back in time and change the past, but you can change the present and your future, so the next time you want to do something, don’t put it off. Take a risk because only then will you know if it’s worth it. Remember that having courage doesn’t mean not being afraid, but rather continuing forward despite the fear.
2. Not trying hard enough. Sometimes, in a burst of enthusiasm, we dare to embark on projects that we are passionate about. However, a voice inside us tells us that we will fail. So, we give up at the first obstacle. When we look back, we all find a moment in which we gave up. However, what would have happened if we had continued to try, if we had believed in our dream? We will probably never know, but the most important thing is to make that “failure” an experience. The next time you are about to give up on something you are passionate about, ask yourself if you are doing so motivated by a rational decision or by fear.
3. Not being flexible. Familiarity and routine give us security; we believe that they keep us safe from problems. However, there are times in life when we must get out of our comfort zone to explore other territories. Not being flexible enough to change and open ourselves to new experiences will be one of the things that, sooner or later, you will regret. Therefore, start breaking routines today and open yourself to small proposals that represent a change in your way of seeing and experiencing life.
4. Not having apologized. Many people find it difficult to apologize, either because they are ashamed of it or because they believe it implies lowering themselves in front of the other person. However, when we make a mistake or hurt a significant other, there is nothing worse than not asking for forgiveness, especially if later, due to some circumstance in life, you do not have the opportunity to say how sorry you are. Therefore, never delay an apology; if you were at fault, acknowledge it and make amends.
5. Being too proud. When we have to make an important decision, we are often overcome by different emotions. We are almost always able to detect anger or sadness, but pride or arrogance are camouflaged and we do not notice them, although they are usually at the base of some of the most important decisions we have made in our lives. However, behaving in an arrogant way implies hiding behind a shield, thinking that only we are right and even going against our true desires. There are times when, in order to make a good decision that we will not regret, we need to put pride aside and let reason or the heart speak.
6. Not stopping in time. There are times when we have an internal alarm that goes off to tell us that we should stop. However, sometimes we do not pay attention to it and turn a deaf ear to its call. When we persist in a project or in a relationship we develop a toxic dependency that prevents us from taking advantage of other opportunities, it is like condemning ourselves to stagnation or imprisoning ourselves by our own will. Therefore, sometimes it does not matter how much time, money or effort you have invested in something, the smartest thing to do is to stop. Do not forget that in order to continue, sometimes you have to start over.
7. Being too careless. Rejection, sadness, and failure hurt, but this pain doesn’t last forever. There are times when you can’t continue down the path you were on and you need to stop and take care of yourself. If you don’t, you’re likely to wake up one day filled with anger and resentment, not even knowing how you got to this point. The same goes for your physical health. Today is a good day to change bad habits and take better care of yourself. Tomorrow, when you want to do it, you may not have time.
Leave a Reply