Thought is one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal, but we often give it free rein and don’t make much effort to guide it. In this way, it ends up becoming a double-edged sword: it can help us achieve our goals or, on the contrary, it can completely sink us.
We can imagine that our thoughts are like a garden. If we take care of them and pay attention to them, they will give us excellent fruits, but if we neglect them, weeds will end up conquering the entire field. In the same way, limiting beliefs and negative thoughts can end up flooding our minds, affecting our behaviors and decisions, causing discomfort that we have caused ourselves. That is why it is important to stay alert to those ways of thinking that can poison our lives.
What are the most common erroneous ways of thinking?
1. Exaggeration
We are not always aware of it, but there are times when we are unable to appreciate the nuances, but instead we simply see the situation in black and white. When faced with a negative event, we exaggerate its repercussions, we amplify them and classify them as a “catastrophe”. Without a doubt, the sensationalism of the press and its headlines have contributed to creating a society where any problem is labelled as a “disaster”. However, on a personal level it is important to remain alert to this toxic mechanism because it only serves to increase our uneasiness, hopelessness and sadness.
How to combat it? By learning to discover the positive aspects of each problem and making comparisons with similar events, so that we can take a more objective perspective.
2. Should
One of the main functions of thought is planning, thanks to which we can organize our behavior and foresee its consequences. However, sometimes we make the mistake of planning too much and putting too little into practice, so we become victims of the “shoulds.” We apply those “shoulds” to those things we would like to do but never do, either because of lack of time, because we don’t believe we are capable or simply because we put them off until the conditions are ideal. On other occasions, those “shoulds” take the form of recriminations, of things we would have liked to do differently. Obviously, this type of thinking generates great frustration because it is as if we live constantly looking in another direction, a direction we never dare to take.
How to combat it? It is not about radically changing your life or jumping into the void without a parachute, but to eliminate this way of thinking, we must analyze which of these desires can come to fruition and we must begin to take steps in that direction, even if they are very small.
3. Generalization
This is a particularly useful thought process that allows us to draw conclusions from specific cases, but there are times when generalization can work against us. When we start to see patterns where none exist and assume that one case can be valid for all, we reach erroneous conclusions that give rise to beliefs such as: “all women/men are…” or “all people from such country are”. Generalization gives rise to a series of stereotypes that, in the long run, will determine our attitudes, behaviors and decisions, closing the doors to opportunities and creating problems in our interpersonal relationships.
How can we combat this? By paying attention to the words that precede the generalization, such as “all,” “never,” or “always.” When we detect that we are about to make a generalization, we must stop the train of thought and try to open ourselves to the experience.
4. Divination
Tying up loose ends and drawing conclusions is one of the main tasks of thinking. However, we often make the mistake of drawing conclusions without having the necessary data, which is known as guesswork. In practice, when faced with a fact and without having sufficient evidence, we draw a conclusion, almost always negative. The classic example is when our partner is late getting home and we think he/she is having an affair, even though we have no conclusive proof. Worst of all, we assume that conclusion is real and, based on it, we regulate our behavior. This is how jealousy, insecurities and problems in interpersonal relationships arise.
How to combat it? Before jumping to a conclusion, we must ask ourselves if we have enough evidence or if it is just a speculation of our mind, a projection of our insecurities. And if we still have doubts, it is best to ask.
5. Labeling
We live in a world that is perfectly labeled. In fact, we must recognize that labels are convenient and help us to orient ourselves. However, when we place labels left and right, we end up adopting a rigid way of thinking that prevents us from developing as people. When we believe that we are one way or another and we label ourselves as such, we are denying our potential. If we believe that we are only good at doing certain things, we will not dare to take other paths and we will be condemning ourselves to immobility, to a life where the new has no place.
How to combat it? First of all, we must ask ourselves where that label comes from. In many cases it is a label that our parents or friends have placed on us, perhaps because we were that way at a certain stage in our life, but that does not mean that we are still that same person and, in any case, it does not mean that we cannot change or that we are only that label.
6. Blaming
We tend to think in terms of cause and effect, which is because our thinking usually follows logical paths. So when something negative happens, we want to know what the causes were. However, there are times when the search for those causes turns into a witch hunt and blame-mongering occurs. In that case, what matters to us is not learning from the mistake but simply blaming and judging, either others or ourselves.
How can we combat this? The best thing to do is to remove the word blame from our vocabulary and start thinking in terms of responsibility. When something has gone wrong, we must learn to take different points of view in order to analyse the situation from as many angles as possible. Only then can we form the most complete picture possible of what happened.
7. Naive optimism
When referring to the erroneous ways of thinking that poison our lives, there is an enemy that usually goes unnoticed but has become fashionable in recent years thanks to Positive Psychology: toxic optimism. It is an exaggerated positive thinking that has hardly any points of contact with reality and that, obviously, sooner or later leads to frustration. In this case, the problem lies in the fact that we believe that we can achieve everything we set out to do, just with effort. However, to achieve goals in life, perseverance and motivation are not enough; there are other factors that we must take into account or we will run the risk of suffering a deep setback.
How can we combat this? By putting ourselves in the shoes of an administrator. If we want to achieve something or find ourselves facing a particularly difficult situation, we must take stock of our psychological resources and the help we can receive from our environment. This way we can have a more objective image of the situation, adjust our objectives and draw up our plan.
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