“Trust is like an eraser: it wears out with every mistake,” says a popular saying. However, trust is essential throughout our lives, although in recent decades society has managed to make us believe that we should not trust anyone but ourselves.
In fact, we distrust virtually everyone these days, even our partners, which is why prenuptial agreements are all the rage and increasingly include more specific clauses (some of which are so ridiculous that their mere existence indicates that these people should not get married). However, no one can get very far if they don’t have other people supporting them, if they can’t trust others, if they don’t have teammates who trust them.
Trust is not an optional extra, trust is essential for our mental health and for achieving our most ambitious goals. Trust is a fundamental ingredient in any human relationship, when it does not exist, the house of cards on which the relationship was built simply falls.
Of course, trust must be two-way. It is as important to trust others as it is for others to trust us. How can we achieve this? We must make the current account of trust grow every day.
When confidence is in the red
Let’s start with the concept of a current account. We can wake up one day, go to a bank and open an account. However, that account will be of no use to us if we don’t move money around. So, we then start making deposits and the account starts to grow. However, at the same time, we make withdrawals every time we need to buy something. So, if we don’t keep an eye on the balance, we can end up in the red.
Trust works a lot like a bank account, but we are not aware of it. We think that once we have gained someone’s trust, it is forever. However, this is not the case. Trust is not static, it is not black and white, but has nuances and can increase or decrease with our actions.
The balance of trust increases every time we behave in a kind manner, we are correct, respectful and honest, every time we support a person. However, trust also decreases every time we make an extraction; that is, when we do not respect a promise we have made, when we arrive late, when we ask without giving anything in return, when we do not support the other…
If our trust account is well balanced, the person will allow us to make a mistake from time to time, without it having major repercussions on the relationship. However, if we behave inappropriately frequently, the balance will soon be negative and we will lose the trust of that person. And we know from experience that once trust is lost, it is difficult to regain it.
On the other hand, it is also essential not to cheat. If you try to introduce counterfeit bills into your bank account, sooner or later it will be discovered and your account will probably be closed. Therefore, when it comes to gaining or keeping someone’s trust, it is essential not to lie. Always keep in mind Abraham Lincoln’s quote: “You can fool all the people once, you can fool some of the people many of the times, but you can’t fool all the people all the time.”
3 concrete actions to create a relationship of trust
It is important to be aware that trust is not only gained through words, but rather through actions. Therefore, it will be of no use to have good intentions if they are never translated into concrete actions. How can you gain people’s trust?
1. Speak clearly. In our social relationships, it is common to find people who are too shy and have trouble expressing their ideas and needs. On the other hand, there are those who are direct and say what they want, without considering the impact of their words on the other person. Neither of these attitudes helps to create a relationship of trust.
To build trust, it is important to measure the impact of our words so as not to hurt others, but at the same time, it is essential to say what we think. Speaking clearly means conveying our point of view while respecting the opinions of others.
2. Keep your promises. A person who doesn’t keep his promises simply can’t be trusted. So, it’s a good idea to think twice before giving your word, because once you’ve given your word, you’ve taken on a mortgage on the person’s trust in you.
Whether it’s arriving on time for a casual meeting or meeting a deadline for a work contract, everything is important to convey an image of trust. Therefore, make promises only when you are sure you can keep them, otherwise, be honest and simply say that you will do what you can but that you cannot offer any guarantees.
3. Fix mistakes. Often good intentions are not enough and we end up making mistakes that undermine the trust that others have placed in us. In these cases, it is important to have enough humility to apologize. However, words are not enough; we must also try to fix the damage.
To get the account back on track, we must act as soon as possible. There are no excuses or delays. The best thing to do is to be honest, take responsibility and try to figure out what we can do to regain trust.
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