Aging is inevitable, but that doesn’t mean we’ve matured. It’s not time that makes us change our perspective and grow as people, but the experiences we’ve had. Because when it comes to life’s journey, what’s often important isn’t the achievements we attain, but the person we’ve become while making our decisions.
In fact, for decades, old age was thought to be a time of loss. Today we know that, like the rest of our life stages, during old age we lose some skills but gain others. For example, our intelligence becomes crystallized, meaning it is based more on the experiences and skills we have acquired throughout life. We are also more prudent, empathetic, understanding, and much more emotionally intelligent.
However, it’s not the passage of time that gives us these gifts; it’s the experiences we’ve lived, the difficult situations we’ve had to face, and the conflicts we’ve resolved. That’s why there are young people who are extremely mature and display great resilience, while some adults continue to harbor infantilized thinking plagued by stereotypes.
It’s not time that makes us understand that we must learn from our mistakes and failures; it’s the damage we’ve suffered that drives us to renew our spirit. Emerging from life’s battles, wounded, teaches us that there are a thousand causes that can make us suffer, but there are a thousand and one reasons to recover and move forward.
The salt of life
One day, a Hindu master grew tired of listening to his disciple’s complaints and decided to teach him a lesson. He sent him to get a handful of salt. When he returned, he asked him to take a little salt and pour it into a glass of water, then drink it.
“How does it taste?” the teacher asked.
– It’s salty and bitter! – replied the disciple.
The teacher, with a smile on his face, asked him to accompany him to the lake. He asked him to add the same amount of salt and drink the water. So the young man did.
“What does the water taste like?” he asked again.
– It’s very fresh.
– Did it taste salty to you?
– No, not at all.
Then the master told him: “The pain in life is like salt. The amount of pain is always the same, but the degree of bitterness we taste depends on the container we pour it into. Therefore, when you experience pain, all you need to do is broaden your perspective on things. Stop being a glass of water and become a lake.”
The value of years
Years are also valuable, of course. The passage of time allows us to gain a certain perspective, to distance ourselves from the passions and feelings we experienced at the time in order to assess the situation more objectively. Over the years, we can look back and find a place for everything, giving each event its proper dimension.
Over the years, we can laugh at the fear our school teacher instilled in us or the anxiety aroused by the prospect of our first kiss. Time doesn’t erase experiences, but it mitigates their emotional impact, calming us so we can look back and, in a way, rewrite our history.
However, to achieve that shift in perspective that will allow us to grow, to stop being a vessel and become a lake, we must be willing to change, accept, and let go. The simple passage of time is often not enough to forget a love or forgive ourselves for a serious mistake; we must do our part.
The value of pain
Pain, doubt, uncertainty, conflict, loss, and mistakes are also great teachers of life. And they are necessary for us to understand things in their true magnitude. Tears can be salty and sting wounds, but they also have the power to cleanse our eyes and allow us to see the world more clearly.
Only when we have suffered can we understand that the world is beautiful and that there are things worth fighting for. At that moment, we understand that the road is not too long or arduous if the destination is worth it. After suffering, we understand that everything is relative and we can see the world in a new light. We stop being a small glass and become a lake.
In fact, people who haven’t had an easy life have been forced to walk the most complicated paths there are—their own. These people have had to look within themselves to understand their emotions, make difficult decisions, and move forward. In that process, they have found their true selves and grown.
In fear, they have learned not to fear, and in pain, they have learned to cope with suffering. These lessons are battle scars that will be like breadcrumbs to guide them the next time they face similar obstacles. Because when they look back, they will have learned the most valuable lesson of all: nothing is permanent, everything passes.
This means that, while we shouldn’t masochistically seek out pain, there’s no need to run away from it or try to hide it, because it always has a lesson to teach us. Pain makes us more human, wiser, and allows us to grow.
Remember that it’s always your decision: to pour the pain into a glass or into a lake.
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