Why is it so hard to ask for help?

When we are little we have no problems asking for help but as we grow, something begins to change: we are more reticent to ask someone to help us, it is a little more difficult for us to pronounce those magic words “please help me.” Why? What is the reason for this change in our behavior?

Why is it so hard for us to ask for help?

The reasons are many. First of all, we find at its base a social determination. That is, it is assumed that as we grow, we become more independent and that means that we must do things on our own, that we must solve problems on our own. In fact, asking for help is almost shameful because it means that we are not capable of facing a certain situation, that we are not smart, strong and competent enough.

This idea has settled so deeply in our consciousness that we do not even realize that it is leaking everywhere. Growing up doesn’t mean we don’t need others, it doesn’t mean we have to face the world alone, and above all, it doesn’t mean we can’t ask for help. When we grow up, we will not need someone to hold our arms to walk or to guide our hand movements to make the first strokes on a paper, but we will need someone to give us emotional support or to show us which is the best path to follow. In reality, it is in that area of ​​joint learning where we best develop our potential.

However, everything is not limited to social conditioning, another reason why we find it difficult to ask for help is because we do not want the other person to know our problems, perhaps because we are ashamed of it. This is often the case for those who suffer from addiction or have financial difficulties. At the base of this shame is the belief that other people will love us less because they will consider us failures, it is a fear of being judged. In reality, when a person really loves another, the essential thing is to avoid suffering so that he will not stop loving them because of a specific problem. On the contrary, he will try to help the other.

Finally, another reason why we find it difficult to ask for help is pride. That is, some people think that asking for help is synonymous with recognizing that they have made a mistake or that they are not capable of doing something on their own. However, the act of asking for help is not a defeat, it is not a surrender, on the contrary, it is an act of courage that involves recognizing our limits but still being willing to overcome them with the help of another person.

Therefore, the next time you find yourself in a bind and don’t know how to get out of it, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Remember that relationships are often strengthened and consolidated after experiencing kindness. There is nothing like a difficult situation to consolidate emotional ties.