Dealing with an impulsive child is not easy, as when we least expect it, he or she throws a tantrum or leaves homework halfway to go play. Sometimes parents feel that nothing works: they have tried punishments, reprimands and a more permissive attitude, but all these attempts to control the child’s impulses have been in vain. What to do?
First of all, keep in mind that impulsive children do not act impetuously and disobediently because they want to, but because they cannot control themselves. In fact, many children commit the same infractions over and over again and cannot even explain why. Therefore, the golden rule for controlling children’s impulsiveness is to understand the child, which does not mean that you should tolerate their bad behavior, but rather that you need to be very patient.
How to control impulsivity in children?
1. The volcano
The objective of this technique is to teach the child to identify the emotions that accompany his impulsive behaviors, which will allow him to become aware of his own sensations and, later on, control them.
Applying this technique is quite easy: when the child is calm, we ask him to imagine that there is a large volcano inside him that represents all his energy and vitality. Then we explain to him that when this energy is very intense and he is very anxious or angry, it is as if the volcano starts to heat up, gets out of control and has a big eruption.
When you notice that your child is starting to get agitated, ask him to visualize the volcano. This way you will help him become aware of the emotions that precede the impulsive outburst and, consequently, he will be able to stop them before it is too late and he loses control completely.
2. The traffic light
The goal of this technique is to provide the child with a kind of feedback that allows him to remain more attentive to his emotions and his level of activation.
Its application is also very simple: agree on a code that serves as a signal to determine its activation level. For example, you can use the colors of the traffic light as a reference: the green light will indicate that everything is fine, the yellow light that it has started to get a little excited and the red light that it has crossed the limits and must stop.
You can also try using sounds or movements. The basic idea is that the signal you send is relevant to the child and helps him or her to control himself or herself.
3. Relaxation techniques
There are different relaxation techniques that will help your little one keep his emotions under control. At night or before he takes a nap, you can apply them and you will see how he will wake up much more relaxed. You can opt for progressive muscle relaxation or autogenic training.
It is worth clarifying that when the child is very young, these techniques may not work very well, so you should adopt other strategies, such as creating relaxing rituals: reading a story, singing a song or giving him a hot bath. It can also be very helpful to teach him the technique of diaphragmatic breathing, which will help him calm down in moments of tension.
4. Techniques to channel energy
The basic ingredient of impulsivity is excess energy, but we can use it to our advantage. How? By channeling it through productive tasks. In fact, the key to controlling children’s impulsivity is knowing how to anticipate the point of no return, that moment when the child loses control.
A good idea is to encourage extracurricular activities that allow your child to release all that energy, such as sports. However, at home, you can create a space where he can release that energy without behaving rudely or causing harm. So, when you notice that he is upset, ask him to go to that place and come back once he has calmed down. In that place he is allowed to shout and hit, since the idea is not to repress his emotions but to learn to express them without hurting others or himself.
5. Activities to enhance attention
Many impulsive children also have trouble concentrating, which makes learning difficult. Therefore, it is a good idea to offer them different tasks that encourage attention. Of course, you will have to find activities that motivate them, otherwise it will be difficult to keep them seated for a long period of time. Board games, such as chess and checkers, are usually an excellent option, as long as you know how to arouse their interest in them.
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