Coexistence is not easy, friction due to everyday problems, frustration for not having achieved something and stress caused by work are some of the factors that we have to deal with day after day trying not to damage our relationship.
In fact, many of the problems in relationships arise from our way of communicating. However, once wounds are created, it is difficult for them to heal. As a result, people grow apart until there comes a time when they become two strangers and the love that existed evaporates.
The good news is that by improving communication we can avoid these unnecessary frictions. However, to achieve this, it will be better that you eliminate some phrases from your vocabulary, especially when tempers are very heated.
1. “You always…” or “You never…” These phrases are very common and sometimes we say them without realizing it, out of habit, but in a couple’s argument they can be deadly since the other person will take them literally and, to be honest, these are exaggerations. Therefore, when you want to say something, simply say: “you sometimes… ”
2. “My ex didn’t do it like that.” If there is something that people hate, it is comparisons, it is as if we were programmed to make them but also to react negatively to them. This is a habit that would be better to eliminate because each person is diverse, not better or worse than another. Of course, if you make the comparison with an ex, it becomes a Molotov cocktail.
3. “I’ll explain how to do it.” In general, no one bothers when someone explains the necessary steps to do something, but when one of the members of the couple is angry, they can understand it as an attack on their ability and it could cause profound damage to their self-esteem. Therefore, it is best to ask if he/she needs your help.
4. “If you truly loved me, you would do it.” Love is not a commodity of exchange, mature love gives without expecting to receive anything in return, because in the process of giving it finds satisfaction. Furthermore, this phrase is a clear attempt at emotional manipulation that will not lead to anything good in your relationship.
5. “There’s nothing wrong with me.” If you look unfriendly and it’s obvious from a thousand meters away that you’re irritated, it’s better to say what you feel or simply tell that you’re angry and would prefer to talk later. When a person who loves you asks you what’s wrong, it’s because he/she cares about you and wants to help you. Denying what you feel is like pushing him/her aside.
6. “It’s your fault.” In a relationship it is difficult to find a single culprit because, in one way or another, both have their degree of responsibility for what happened. Placing the blame on a single person not only means ignoring our responsibility but also washing our hands of the solution. Down this path, the relationship will not go very far.
7. “Leave it, I’d better do it.” This phrase has the objective of degrading the other and making them see that their efforts are not enough for you. However, in a relationship it is important that both perceive that the other appreciates them; when one of the people continually tramples on the other’s ego, a breakup may be just around the corner.
8. “You don’t understand me.” Often the other person doesn’t understand you, it’s true, but we must remember that we are complicated and that sometimes we don’t even know what we want. Instead of reproaching your partner for not understanding you, try to explain what you feel.
9. “You act like your father (or your mother).” This phrase is almost always used to highlight the negative traits of the family so it would be better to forget it completely, especially if your partner does not have good relations with the person with whom you are comparing him/her. Also, remember that no matter how bad relationships you have, phrases of this type are perceived as an external attack that can lead them to adopt a defensive posture against you. After all, your partner has spent many years with his/her parents and, in one way or another, loves them.
10. “That’s not important.” If your partner brings up a topic, it is likely that it is important to him/her (unless he/she does it with the aim of going around the bush and distorting the discussion). Therefore, instead of rejecting the topic, try to understand what he/she meant and how that is related to the argument you are talking about. If you don’t see any relationship, ask him/her to explain it to you.
