A disciple and his master were walking through the forest. The disciple was troubled by the fact that his mind was constantly restless; he couldn’t stop thinking. He worried that he wouldn’t achieve enlightenment.
However, he was also ashamed to admit it, so he asked his teacher indirectly:
“Why are most people’s minds restless, yet only a few possess a calm mind? What can be done to calm the mind?”
The master looked at the disciple, smiled and said:
“I’ll tell you a story. An elephant was standing, picking leaves from a tree. A small bee flew by, buzzing near his ear. The elephant waved it away with his long ears, but the bee came back. The elephant moved away once more, flapping his ears.”
The situation repeated itself several times. Then the elephant, very annoyed by the bee’s buzzing, asked:
“Why are you so restless and making so much noise? Why can’t you just sit still on a branch and stop chasing me?”
The bee answered:
“I’m very sensitive to certain smells, sudden movements, and vibrations. I can’t do anything about it because they signal a danger of attack on the hive and stimulate our defensive instinct. It’s you who’s irritating me. If you stay still, I’ll calm down too.”
In this parable, the elephant is our mind and the bee represents our thoughts. In fact, we often behave like the elephant, allowing our thinking habits and attitudes to rob us of our serenity and inner peace.
Do you have a locus of control external or internal?
We are a society that constantly focuses on the outside world and rarely looks inward. As a result, we often develop what is known in psychology as a “locus of control external.”
Those with an external locus of control attribute their successes and failures to external causes; they blame the system, their parents, the economic situation… They are people who are in a constant struggle with the world and believe the universe is conspiring against them. But since that battle is lost before it is fought, they often experience a profound sense of lack of control, which often plunges them into anxiety and depression. Over time, these people become reactive, like the elephant in the story, turning into puppets of circumstances.
Obviously, circumstances play a role in our lives; we can’t ignore them. But if we develop an internal locus of control, instead of just getting angry and sad when things go wrong, we’ll ask ourselves what we can do to make things better. The world isn’t against us, and there’s no need to fight what’s happening, understanding fighting as denial. On the contrary, we must practice radical acceptance, developing an internal locus of control that allows us to focus on changing what we can change. That change will indeed generate a very positive sense of empowerment.
Of course, developing an internal locus of control also involves taking responsibility for our successes and failures. It means that, instead of complaining about the bee buzzing around us, we must ask ourselves what we are doing to cause this situation and, above all, what we can do to change it to our advantage.
How to move from catastrophic thinking to a calm mind?
Our thinking habits are at the heart of the locus of control, so it’s vital that we pay more attention to them. Every situation generates a series of thoughts that ultimately aggravate or temper our view of what’s happening. No fact is objective; we always see the world through our subjectivity.
Therefore, it is not simply the facts that generate emotional discomfort but rather the interpretation we make of them and the importance we give them.
Like the elephant in the parable, it’s important to understand that often the problem doesn’t arise from the original situation but from our thoughts, which drive us to respond inappropriately. When faced with an unpleasant situation, our catastrophic thoughts spiral out of control, turning into a snowball that rolls uncontrollably down the mountain, generating chaos and negative emotions that plunge us into a vicious cycle from which it’s difficult to escape.
At this point, trying not to think in order to cut off that flow of ideas is completely counterproductive because it will only generate a rebound effect that increases frustration. Instead, we must learn to accept this flow of worries and negative emotions until we can assume a detached position, as if this internal dialogue were not ours. When the internal dialogue stops bothering us, we will have conquered it and will be ready to act consciously.
A very effective technique for mastering this dialogue is to mentally split ourselves and take a little time to challenge those thoughts that scare, anger, or stress us. Basically, it involves becoming a “devil’s advocate” and finding arguments to refute your own ideas and minimize their drama. This way, you lessen their emotional impact and regain control of the situation by developing a calm mindset even in the midst of a storm.
So, from now on, every time you face a disappointing, stressful, or frustrating situation, ask yourself what part of you is behaving like the elephant, what part of you is fighting the world. Are you attracting that pesky bee with your thoughts and behaviors? You’ll likely find that by changing some of your thoughts or attitudes, you’ll be able to better deal with that problem and lessen its emotional impact.
It’s a change of mentality that is worth it.
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