Once upon a time there was a beautiful garden, with apple trees, orange trees, pear trees and rose trees. The trees lived happily and contentedly.
Everything was joy, except for one tree, who felt deeply sad. That tree did not know who he was.
What he lacked was concentration, said the apple tree:
– If you really try, you can have tasty apples. It’s very easy.
– Don’t listen to him…- said the rosebush. – It’s easier to have roses. – Don’t you see how beautiful they are?
And the desperate tree tried everything that was suggested to it. However, as it could not be like the others, it felt more and more frustrated.
One day an owl, the wisest of birds, came to the garden and, seeing the tree’s despair, said to it:
– Don’t worry, your problem isn’t that serious, it’s the same as many beings on earth. I’ll give you the solution: Don’t spend your life being what others want you to be! Be yourself, know yourself and listen to your inner voice.
With that, the owl disappeared.
– My inner voice? Being myself? Knowing myself? – Those words didn’t make much sense to the tree, until he suddenly understood what the owl was referring to.
He closed his eyes and ears, opened his heart and could hear his inner voice telling him:
-You will never bear apples because you are not an apple tree, nor will you blossom every spring because you are not a rose bush. You are an oak! And your destiny is to grow tall and majestic. To give shelter to birds, shade to travelers and beauty to the landscape. You have a mission: fulfill it!
And the tree felt strong and self-confident. Very soon it filled its space and was admired and respected by everyone.
When the others push you in the wrong direction
If we were to look at ourselves through the eyes of Physics for a moment, we would become a person who is influenced by numerous forces, pushing us in different directions. And the most interesting thing is that the greatest forces are exerted precisely by the people we love the most: our parents, children, partners and friends.
Most of these people are not aware of their power or even believe that they are exerting it in the right direction, they think they are doing us a favor and even add: “when you have more experience, you will understand ”. However, the truth is that being subjected to all these forces can wear us down and is exhausting.
Moreover, when everyone around us has a say in our decisions and behaviour, we risk losing ourselves. A person who is not self-confident enough will succumb to pressure and will probably end up behaving as others expect them to, thus losing initiative and even motivation.
When we want to please and satisfy everyone, we run the risk of neglecting the most important person in the world: ourselves. In this way, by taking small steps, making small decisions, one day we can fall victim to the Butterfly Effect and realize that we are at a point on the path that neither satisfies us nor makes us happy.
And no matter how much experience the people around us have accumulated, there is no one who knows us better than ourselves. We can listen to the opinions of others, but it is up to us to decide. It is impossible to convey a truly meaningful meaning of life that guides our steps; each person must find his or her own meaning. And to do so, perhaps he or she needs to make mistakes and fall several times. Because through mistakes we also grow. The mission of the people who truly love us is sometimes not to prevent us from falling, but to help us get up.
What to do?
Almost all of us, at some point in our lives, take on both roles. That is, we either push or we are pushed. So the first step is to learn to moderate our tone. We should offer advice when asked, give our point of view on the situation because it might be valid and it might help the other person, but we should not push in one direction. Because sometimes, the best of intentions can lead to the worst of mistakes.
Also consider that sometimes people come to us hoping that we will solve their problem or make a decision for them. Politely decline the offer because everyone must choose their own path and be responsible for their decisions. We cannot and should not choose for others.
On the contrary, when we encounter a person who tries to push us in a direction, we must assertively point it out. When a person tries to invade your space and tries to make decisions for you, simply say: “I understand that you want to help me and that you care about me. I will value your advice and then make a decision.”
Remember that your life is yours alone, no one can live it in your place. Therefore, it is also fair that you are the one who decides, only then will you be able to discover your true potential and find what you are passionate about and what is worth living for, like the oak tree in the story.
In this regard, a phrase with which the psychologist Fritz Perls began his working groups is particularly enlightening: “I do my things, and you do yours. I am not in this world to meet your expectations, nor are you here to meet mine. You are you, I am I. If by chance we meet, it will be beautiful. If not, then there is nothing else to do.”
