Emotions are a natural part of the human experience. They can be incredibly powerful, influencing the way we think, act, and relate to others. But sometimes, those emotions can feel overwhelming or difficult to manage.
That’s where emotional regulation comes in. The ability to regulate emotions effectively is not just a nice skill to have, it’s essential for maintaining good health, building strong relationships, and achieving personal success. Even so, it’s one of the least developed skills, simply because as we grew up, we were taught to ignore or hide our emotions, not to manage them.
What is Emotional Regulation?
At its core, emotional regulation is “the ability of an individual to modulate an emotion or set of emotions”, according to APA. It refers to the ability to manage and respond to affective experiences in a way that is appropriate for the situation.
It’s about influencing the emotions we feel, when we feel them, and how we express or experience them. Emotional regulation doesn’t mean suppressing or ignoring feelings. Rather, it involves understanding and managing emotions in a way that helps us respond to challenges effectively.
In simple terms, emotional regulation allows us to keep our cool when things get tough, express our feelings in healthy ways, and make thoughtful decisions rather than acting on impulse.
What Factors Affect Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation is influenced by a combination of internal and external factors.
Internally, genetics play a role, with some individuals being born with a temperament that makes emotional regulation easier or more challenging. For instance, highly sensitive persons often feel emotions more deeply, which can cause them to respond more “dramatically” to certain situations. On the other hand, those with a more phlegmatic temperament are generally better at managing emotional flare-ups.
Our cognitive skills, such as problem-solving and coping strategies, also impact our ability to regulate emotions. The more accustomed we are to taking a rational and objective approach or to creating psychological distance from problems, the easier it becomes to keep our emotions in check.
External factors, including childhood experiences and social support, also shape our emotional regulation abilities. If we grew up feeling supported and surrounded by a positive emotional environment, we’re likely to be better at managing our emotions and feelings. In contrast, childhood emotional neglect or trauma can make this much more difficult.
Having strong, supportive relationships in adulthood provides a buffer against stress and helps us process and regulate emotions more effectively. On the other hand, isolation can make emotional regulation harder.
Chronic stress is another key factor that can impair emotional regulation. When we’re tense and irritable, with our nerves on edge, it becomes extremely hard to stay calm and clear-headed in difficult situations. Instead, we’re more likely to lose our temper, break down, or explode at the slightest setback.
Why is Emotional Regulation so Important?
How we manage our emotions has a direct impact on our interpersonal relationships, health and wellbeing. In fact, poor emotional regulation is linked to a multitude of negative consequences.
- Uncontrolled emotions can damage relationships. When we react impulsively or lash out in anger, we risk hurting those we care about. Over time, this can create distance, mistrust, and even lead to broken connections.
- It affects your physical health. Constant emotional stress can take a toll on your body, contributing to headaches, sleep problems, high blood pressure, and even weakened immunity.
- Poor regulation fuels anxiety and depression. When emotions feel overwhelming and unmanageable, it’s easy to spiral into chronic worry, sadness, or hopelessness, making mental health struggles more intense.
- It impairs decision-making. Emotions that run too high can cloud judgment. Acting out of fear, frustration, or sadness can lead to decisions we later regret—whether in our personal lives or at work.
- You may feel out of control. Without emotional regulation, everyday stressors can feel like crises. Small problems become overwhelming, and you may feel like you’re constantly on edge.
- It can create a cycle of guilt and shame. After emotional outbursts, people often feel guilty or ashamed, which only worsens their emotional state and reinforces negative patterns.
7 Evidence-Based Emotional Regulation Techniques
The act of seeking help for self-regulation may seem daunting at first. You might ask yourself: “What mental health professionals can help me? What is the difference between a psychologist vs counselor? How can I ask for help?”
The good news is that there are evidence-based techniques to help you better manage your emotions, whether you’re already seeking professional help, on the lookout for your options, or even if you’re not at that stage to receive professional assistance.
1. Emotional Labeling
Labeling your emotions helps to create psychological distance between yourself and the feelings you’re experiencing. When you can identify and name an emotion – such as “anger,” “frustration,” or “sadness”- you are less likely to get swept away by it. This is largely because the rational process of recognizing emotions activates the brain’s logical circuits and deactivates the emotional response. In fact, research indicates that emotional labeling can decrease the intensity of emotional responses and make them easier to manage.
2. Cognitive Reappraisal
Cognitive reappraisal is a powerful technique where you change the way you think about a situation to alter its emotional impact. For example, if you receive critical feedback at work, you might reframe it as an opportunity to learn and improve rather than as a personal attack. Research shows that cognitive reappraisal can reduce negative emotions and help you feel more in control.
3. Mindfulness Meditation
Mindfulness meditation involves grounding yourself to the present moment. Studies have shown that regular mindfulness practice can enhance emotional regulation by helping individuals observe their emotions without getting overwhelmed by them. Mindfulness can also increase awareness of bodily sensations, which can be useful for managing emotional responses before they escalate.
4. Time-Out
Time-outs aren’t only for children, adults can benefit from them too when emotions start to run high. The idea is simple: remove yourself from the situation that’s triggering emotional distress. Putting some distance between you and the problem helps settle your emotions and allows you to see things more clearly. For instance, if you’re feeling stressed at work, take a short five-minute break. Or if an argument is starting to escalate, you might say you’ll revisit the conversation later, once things have cooled down.
5. Grounding
Grounding is a technique that helps bring us back to reality and regain emotional control. It’s particularly helpful during anxiety attacks or when emotions feel overpowering, as have been proven. A simple exercise involves closing your eyes and tuning in to the sounds around you. Identify the three sounds you hear most clearly. Then open your eyes and name the three most vivid colors you see. Lastly, say out loud the three physical sensations you’re feeling in your body right now.
6. Deep Breathing Exercises
Breathing exercises are a simple yet effective tool for regulating emotions. Slow, deep breaths activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to reduce stress and emotional reactivity. Techniques such as diaphragmatic breathing or the 4-7-8 technique can be particularly helpful when you’re feeling anxious, angry, or overwhelmed.
7. Positive Emotional Attention
Redirecting your attention toward the positive is another useful tool for managing emotions. We’re naturally wired to notice the negative, because it can potentially harm us, but that can lead to a toxic mental cycle. Instead, making a deliberate effort to notice the good helps improve how we feel. Research from Northwestern University showed that concentrating on neutral faces instead of threatening ones can significantly lower anxiety. Practice this by training your mind to focus on the positive.
Practice Makes Progress
To feel is human; to be ruled by those feelings is optional. Emotional regulation is a learnable skill, one that’s essential for staying grounded during difficult moments or stretches of life.
Understanding what shapes self-control is the first step. And while there’s no magic fix, proven emotional regulation techniques can help you live with more balance. And since the payoff is lasting well-being, it’s effort that pays for itself.
References:
Pitluk, M. et. Al. (2021) Validation of the grounding assessment tool for identifying emotional awareness and emotion regulation. The Arts in Psychotherapy; 75: 101821.
Troy, A. et. Al. (2018) Cognitive Reappraisal and Acceptance: Effects on Emotion, Physiology, and Perceived Cognitive Costs. Emotion; 18(1):58–74.
Hill, C. L. M. & Updegraff, J. A. (2012) Mindfulness and its relationship to emotional regulation. Emotion; 12(1): 81–90.
Lieberman, M. D. et. Al. (2011) Subjective Responses to Emotional Stimuli During Labeling, Reappraisal, and Distraction. Emotion;11(3):468–480.
Yoon, K. L. &Zinbarg, R. E. (2008) Interpreting neutral faces as threatening is a default mode for socially anxious individuals. J AbnormPsychol;117(3):680-685.
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