Do you want to change something in your life? Maybe you want to break up with your partner, find a new job or embark on the trip of your dreams? No matter what your immediate goal is, all change begins in your mind, transforming your thoughts.
Why? Simply because our negative thoughts are the main barrier that we must break down. As long as we are full of limiting beliefs, we will not be able to achieve our dreams and we will not have enough motivation to take action. If you go through life believing that you are not valuable and that you do not have the necessary abilities, you will not dare to take the steps to achieve your goals.
Of course, this does not mean that with positive thinking you will be able to achieve everything you set out to do, but, without a doubt, leaving behind victimhood and defeatism will help you move forward with less baggage.
Why do we focus so much on the negative?
This is an automatic process that has different explanations. According to the theory of evolution, if we look back, we will realize that it is a survival mechanism, since in the dangerous world in which our ancestors lived, it was more important for us to remember negative events than positive ones.
A clear memory of a dangerous situation could save our lives, as it would allow us to detect the signs of threat in time and avoid them. Therefore, memorizing negative events is also a defense mechanism.
However, it is not all a remnant of our ancestors. It has also been observed that the expectation generated by negative events is usually greater than that generated by positive events. In fact, we normally tend to maximize the consequences of a negative event and minimize the joy generated by positive events. This high level of stress could also cause negative memories to become more strongly fixed in our memory.
On the other hand, we cannot ignore social conditioning. In our culture, mistakes are seen as something negative, something we must avoid. That is why education often focuses on punishing and not rewarding. When we grow up with this imprint from a young age, it is normal for us to focus on avoiding mistakes and, consequently, to focus more on the obstacles we must overcome.
Overcome negative thoughts with 3 questions
The mind often wanders aimlessly. In fact, it is one of its favorite activities. On many occasions, throughout this monologue, we find ourselves saying things to ourselves that stress us out or put us down. These are negative and limiting thoughts that we should avoid. How can we do this if we tend to focus on the negative aspects of situations?
Consider that almost all types of negative thoughts are irrational ideas, so the best weapon we have at our disposal is critical thinking.
1. Where did it come from? Don’t let your mind wander. When a negative thought becomes recurrent and causes you discomfort or prevents you from moving forward, take it and cut it out as if you were a surgeon. Ask yourself where that idea came from. Is it based on some fear or dread? Do you think it is relevant to the stage of life you are going through at that moment or is it a remnant of the past? Is it your thought or has someone instilled it in you? If you discover the origin of the thought, you will be taking away its power over your mood.
2. What are the chances of it happening? Sometimes negative thoughts are just exaggerations, very remote possibilities of something we dislike happening. Ask yourself what the real chances are of something like that happening and how you would feel in that hypothetical case. You may find that you are alarming yourself for no reason. If it helps and makes you feel calmer, you can even come up with a plan B that will allow you to deal with the problem if it does happen.
3. What good can it do? When a negative thought comes to mind, ask yourself what other ways of looking at it exist. There are always other prisms, more positive angles, you just have to find them. For example, if you are thinking that you will have to spend a hellish day in a very boring meeting and that makes you feel bad, think that after work you can give yourself a little treat. That will make you feel much better. It is about finding a positive counterpart to each negative thought.
Attitude counts a lot
Finally, remember that negative thoughts are not your enemies. They are an expression of some insecurity, fear, risk or barrier and as such you must confront them. If you try to escape from negative thoughts by simply putting other positive thoughts in their place, it is like putting a small bandage on a wound that needs stitches. The idea is not to deny or hide negative thoughts but to understand them and prevent them from affecting your mood. To achieve this you will need to let them flow while you analyze them, as if you were a scientist looking through a telescope, with curiosity but without tension.
