When you suffer a loss, are going through a personal crisis, or are simply having a difficult time, joy isn’t exactly the emotion that stands out most in your mood. And while it’s true that it’s important to fully experience all emotions, it’s no less true that completely abandoning ourselves to states like sadness, apathy, or discouragement can lead us into a vicious cycle that will be difficult to escape.
Obviously, it’s not about ignoring suffering or disguising it with catchy phrases or fake smiles. We can recognize that even in the midst of adversity, it’s possible – and healthy – to actively seek out small moments of joy. And not as an escape route, but rather as an anchor to avoid hitting bottom emotionally.
Why is it so important to preserve joy?
When we go through difficult situations, our brains tend to prioritize the negative. This tendency, known as negativity bias, causes us to focus on the worst.
Of course, it has an evolutionary function: it helps us identify potential threats and risks to protect ourselves. But when this bias becomes chronic, it can lead to hopelessness, isolation, and chronic emotional fatigue.
Various studies have shown that experiencing positive emotions, even brief or moderate in intensity, helps cushion the effects of stress. An experiment conducted at the University of Michigan, for example, found that laughter quickly relieves negative emotions and calms the physiological responses they generate. It may not eliminate suffering completely, but it makes it more bearable.
Furthermore, positive emotions foster resilience, the ability to overcome adversity without breaking down inside. In this sense, researchers at Boston College found that the most resilient people are able to consciously use positive emotions to overcome the worst situations. Therefore, cultivating joy even when everything seems to be going wrong is a small act of self-care.
5 practical strategies to recover the joy of living
In times of difficulty, joy doesn’t usually come looking for us. We have to go out to find it, sometimes intentionally. It’s not about forcing optimism, but about making space for what’s good for us. It’s about not closing the door and allowing joy to seep in through the small cracks.
1. Don’t wait to feel “better” to allow yourself to be happy
Many people postpone any enjoyment until the pain “passes.” In this way, they hinder the small, everyday pleasures that can bring joy. However, laughter isn’t a betrayal of memory. It’s a way of breathing deeply when everything weighs on you. You don’t have to explain yourself if, suddenly, something provokes tenderness, laughter, or the desire to sing.
Remember, it’s not joy instead of sadness, but joy alongside sadness. You can cry over a loss and, that same day, smile at a story. That’s not inconsistency. It’s humanity. It’s allowing yourself to feel everything, not just the negative emotions.
2. Pay more attention to the small everyday pleasures
When we feel overwhelmed, sad, or lost, our minds often wander, imagining the worst-case scenarios. Worries overwhelm us, and doubts plague us relentlessly. Focusing on the present can help calm our minds.
It’s about living day to day, paying more attention to the small moments that bring us joy, whether it’s listening to your favorite song, tending to the flowers in the garden, doing yoga, playing with your pet, or enjoying a nice cup of tea alone or with someone else. When we dedicate time each day to doing something rewarding, joy gradually takes over.
3. Embrace with gratitude what remains
When we go through difficult times, our minds often focus on what’s missing, what went wrong, or what hurts. And it’s easy to get caught up in that narrative that only sees part of the truth. But even in the midst of chaos, there’s always something, no matter how small, that keeps working: someone listening, a corner where you can breathe slowly, something to hold on to…
Practicing gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring suffering, but rather broadening your focus. It’s about pausing and consciously acknowledging what’s present and working, even if it’s simple. Joy is sometimes born from that silent inventory of what hasn’t broken. When you get into the habit of being grateful for those small things, you begin to retrain your mind so that it doesn’t focus so much on what’s been lost and can once again look to the future with greater hope.
4. Change your routine to make way for the new
Sadness, lack of motivation, or disappointment are emotions that call for retreat. You may not feel like going out or meeting up with friends. However, that doesn’t mean you have to wallow in a drab, depressing routine that will drag you even deeper into that state of mind.
Think of this situation as a period of change and try to create new routines that make sense to you and bring you satisfaction. Try new things without forcing yourself. This way, your brain will receive new stimulation, which will likely add more energy and enthusiasm to your life. Perhaps signing up for yoga classes, starting a mindfulness practice, or taking walks in nature is just what you need right now.
5. Treat yourself kindly and pamper yourself as much as you can
The last thing you need when you’re feeling bad is to blame, beat yourself up, or recriminate yourself. It’s not the best time to be hard on yourself or pressure yourself to move on quickly, as if experiencing something painful weren’t enough, only to then blame yourself for not handling it well.
Instead, this is the best time to treat yourself with kindness. And that means speaking to yourself in the same tone you would comfort a loved one. Giving yourself permission to rest or even pamper yourself a little. You can start with something as simple as stopping for a moment and asking yourself: “What do I need today to take better care of myself ?” Sometimes it will be a walk, other times disconnecting from everything or even going shopping. These are small gestures that, little by little, lighten the load and restore your joy in life.
Because you can’t always change what you’re experiencing, but you can choose how to respond to it. There’s no universal recipe, just make sure you don’t close the door to joy. Leave it ajar, even if it’s just a little. Because that little bit can start to make a difference in your life.
References:
Tugade, MM & Fredrickson, BL (2004) Resilient individuals use positive emotions to bounce back from negative emotional experiences. J Pers Soc Psychol ; 86(2): 320-333.
Fredrickson, BL & Levenson, RW (1998) Positive Emotions Speed Recovery from the Cardiovascular Sequelae of Negative Emotions. Cogn Emot ; 12(2): 191-220.
Leave a Reply