Interpersonal relationships are a source of great joy, but also of deep disappointment, when they do not meet our expectations. However, to really know someone involves spending time with this person, sharing intimate moments in different situations, to reveal the positive and the negative side of that person.
In general, every relationship is precious and can give us something, but knowing for real the people next to us will help to adjust our expectations and maintain a more fluid relationship. If we know what each person can give and how far can get, we’re not at risk of asking him/her too much.
The way they deal with difficult situations says a lot of the persons
1. Stressful situations. “I learned that you can learn a lot about a person by the way he/she behave in these three situations: a rainy day, a lost luggage and with tangled Christmas tree lights,” said Maya Angelou. Definitely the way to deal with stress, even a situation not particularly serious, can tell a lot about a person. Under stress is when we show the best of us, or, on the contrary, our downside. There are people who get irritated to the point of reacting aggressively and are not able to think clearly. Some try to blame the others to avoid taking any responsibility. Others get so anxious to freeze, and then they can’t think clearly and find effective solutions. There are also mature people who, despite nervousness or stress, they try to find a solution and stay calm.
2. Situations where they need you. You can find out a lot about a person by the way he asks you for help. For example, there are people who don’t want to add extra weight on your shoulders and only ask for help when they really need it, but there are also others who expect you to be always available to help them and that you give priority to their problems, although they’re minors. These people behave selfishly and never cease to ask for favors, so it’s important that you learn to limit them as soon as possible. There are also those who ask for help by calling a previous favor, because they think that friendship should be a continuous “showdown”.
3. Complicated situations in which you need help. “Only feelings can unite us, the interest has never created enduring friendships,” said Cicero. Therefore, there is no better way of knowing a person than through the help that gives you when you need it. There are people who stay close to us when they need our help, advice and support, but as they solved their problems they disappear or invent excuses for not giving us the help we need. Others are indifferent, they act as if nothing was happening or underestimate our problems and emotions. Of course there will be situations where the others can’t do so much, but the simple fact to remain close and sustain us is more than enough. The others shouldn’t solve the problems for us, but show empathy and understanding, helping us through this difficult moment. People who tend the hand when we need it most are real treasures that we must not ignore.
4. Daily living situations. There is nothing like the everyday life and living together to really know a person. Is it someone who respects your things and your space or, conversely, is a person too self-centered who claims that your life should revolve around him/her? Does it shares his/her experiences and emotions or closes in himself/herself and keeps you out of his/her life? Is he/she able to discuss without attacking you? Is he/she compromised with the problems of everyday life, or ignores them hoping that you take care always of everything? Is he/she concerned to find some time to share experiences or is always too busy to spend time with you? The cohabitation will tell you if a person is independent and actually committed to feed the relationship or, on the contrary, is selfish and wants you to orbits around him/her.
5. Happy and successful situations. When a person really loves you will be glad of your success and happiness, although he/she is going through a bad time. But there are people who in those moments show their worst side striving to devalue your effort or your joy. These people can stand by your side when you’re going through a bad time because they feel that, somehow, you depend on them, but when you recover they’re afraid you to cut the bond which unites you, so strive to emotionally “boycott” you when things start to work fine for you. In the background, these people may feel envy, or want to keep you tied with the “rope of suffering”.