When we consider going to therapy, we often think that the important thing is finding a good therapist, as if that were enough. However, after the first few sessions, some people discover that not all good therapists work well for all patients.
The therapeutic relationship goes beyond experience or professionalism. Sometimes you can feel a connection from the first session. Other times everything seems fine, but something just doesn’t quite click. And although it may seem like a small detail, it can make all the difference in the effectiveness of the treatment.
Beyond Technique, the Relationship as the Driving Force for Change
For a long time, the focus has been on therapeutic models when choosing a psychologist: cognitive-behavioral, psychodynamic, humanistic… Obviously, it’s important that the patient feels comfortable with the therapist’s working method, but research has long indicated that, beyond the approach used, one of the most relevant factors for the patient’s improvement is the relationship they establish with the therapist.
This means that different patients require not only different treatments, but also different therapeutic relationships. Not everyone needs the same thing, nor do they all connect with every professional in the same way. Some need a more structured figure that provides them with clear and direct tools. Others seek a more reflective space where they can calmly explore their experiences.
Therapeutic change largely occurs within the established relationship. It is in this space that the trust, openness, and security necessary to address difficult issues that often block healing are generated. If this foundation doesn’t exist or is fragile, even the best technique loses effectiveness.
The Therapist also Matters (a Lot)
Sometimes therapists are spoken of as if they were merely “appliers” of psychological techniques, but the reality in therapy is quite different. Each professional brings to therapy their own way of being, their communication style, their way of understanding the world and relating to others. And all of this directly influences the therapeutic process.
For example, some therapists are warmer and more expressive, while others are more analytical and reserved. Some therapists tend to intervene more, while others allow more space for silence. Neither of these characteristics is inherently better or worse; it all depends on how well they fit with the person in front of them.
A study published in Psychotherapy Research revealed a significant relationship between symptom reduction and patient-therapist compatibility in certain personality traits and attachment styles. “Patients and therapists with a high level of anxious attachment may find it difficult to form a secure alliance,” these researchers noted.
In practical terms, this means that a therapist can be incredibly effective with some patients and less so with others. Not because they are doing anything wrong, but simply because there isn’t enough harmony. And that harmony, that feeling of “They understand me” or “I can talk without feeling judged,” is fundamental to the success of therapy.
“Matching”: When Fit Enhances the Process
The concept of matching refers to finding a therapist whose way of working, being, and relating aligns with yours. It’s not just a matter of personal preferences, but of how those affinities facilitate the change you need.
A study conducted at Stockholm University indicated that it’s important for your overall personality tendencies to converge. However, it’s not simply about you being the same, but rather about complementing each other.
For example, if you’re a very self-critical person, you might benefit from a therapist who is warmer and more validating, helping you soften that inner harshness. On the other hand, if you tend to avoid problems, you might need a more direct professional who confronts you with kindness, but also with firmness.
This balance is what makes therapy progress. The therapist must share enough with the patient to establish a certain rapport, and at the same time, must provide precisely what is missing or less developed: more structure, more flexibility, more emotional awareness, more boundaries…
This subtle adjustment is what allows therapy to be not just a space for conversation, but a space for transformation. When that’s achieved, the process flows more naturally: there’s more openness, more involvement, and, above all, more real change. And that, ultimately, is what makes therapy truly work.
The Role of Online Therapy Platforms
In recent years, online therapy platforms have significantly changed the search process. In fact, one of their main advantages is that they facilitate matching. Instead of relying on the nearest psychologist, you can access a network of online therapists. A wider range of professionals can be accessed and filtered according to different criteria, from specialty and approach to language or therapeutic style.
Some platforms, like Talkspace, even use initial questionnaires to suggest therapists who are a better fit for you. These forms typically explore aspects such as your reasons for seeking therapy, communication style, preferences (whether you’re looking for a more directive or more reflective approach), and even practical variables like availability and language.
With this information, the system generates an initial “matching” proposal that increases the likelihood of a connection from the start. Obviously, it’s not an absolute guarantee, as the therapeutic relationship remains deeply human, but it does reduce initial uncertainty.
Furthermore, many platforms allow you to change therapists relatively easily if you don’t feel a connection, something that can be more uncomfortable or complicated in the traditional format. Some therapy platforms also offer the first session free of charge so you can see if you feel comfortable and are in the right hands. This way, you won’t feel like you have to settle for the first available option or the therapist closest to you.
Ultimately, the therapeutic relationship isn’t a minor detail; it’s the ground where real change happens. When you find the right professional, everything flows more smoothly and therapy progresses more quickly.
References:
Shir, R., & Tishby, O. (2024) Therapy matchmaking: Patient-therapist match in personality traits and attachment style. Psychotherapy Research; 34(3): 353–365.
Werbart, A. et. Al.(2018) Matching Patient and Therapist Anaclitic-Introjective Personality Configurations Matters for Psychotherapy Outcomes. J Contemp Psychother;48(4):241-251.
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