When we think of stress, we associate it with major problems: a painful breakup, a job loss, an illness, moving with three kids and a hyperactive dog. Obviously, these events are stressful. No doubt about it. However, the biggest saboteur of our happiness and emotional well-being could be… just an ordinary Monday in our everyday lives.
Microstress, small daily emotional fires
It’s not an existential crisis or a drastic life change, but the morning traffic jam, the passive-aggressive attitude of a coworker, or the endless to-do list that most affects our mood. Psychologists at Cornell University have proven this.
These researchers followed nearly 100 people daily for a month. They found that everyday stress had a more direct and consistent impact on their mood than major life events.
That is, arguing with your partner for the umpteenth time about who unloads the dishwasher or being stuck in traffic every day can affect you more emotionally than having had a difficult childhood – provided you’ve already managed to overcome the consequences, of course.
The big problem with everyday stress is that it accumulates. We don’t pay much attention to it. After all, these small stressful situations aren’t a big deal. However, they slowly erode our mental health.
This is called microstress. It’s a mild but constant tension caused by small, everyday setbacks. It’s characterized by:
- Frequent exposure. Unlike major stressful life events, everyday stressors are repeated continuously. They’re like a constant drip that eventually overflows the glass.
- Denial of impact. Microstresses are often minimized because they don’t seem “serious enough”: an irritating email, an awkward interaction, or a minor unforeseen event aren’t major crises. Since they aren’t legitimized, the usual response is “just suck it up” or “it’s not that big a deal,” which leaves us without the tools to manage them.
- Progressive burnout. Everyday stressors don’t set off our alarm bells because they aren’t an obvious threat. Therefore, we don’t mobilize our coping resources to counteract them. So we end up swallowing our anger, frustration, or exhaustion… until we explode.
- Recovery block. By the time we’re done dealing with one source of stress, another is already waiting. So we become like that overwhelmed waiter or nurse who hasn’t stopped working since 8:00 a.m. and, even though they haven’t suffered any catastrophe, comes home completely exhausted day after day.
Unlike acute or chronic stress, microstress doesn’t paralyze you, but it slowly erodes your mood, concentration, and ability to enjoy yourself.
The trap of invisible accumulation
One of the reasons we underestimate daily stress is because we normalize it. We tell ourselves, “It is what it is” or “Everyone lives like this.” And yes, almost everyone may be stressed and running around, but that doesn’t make it healthy.
In fact, the more we get used to living with this micro-stress, the more our mood deteriorates without us even realizing it. One day we’re a little more irritable. Another day, we’re more tired. Another day, we don’t feel like talking to anyone. And before we realize it, we’re already living in survival mode without even knowing why.
And this isn’t to be taken lightly. Another more recent study conducted at Yale University revealed that continuous exposure to stressful situations can cause changes in the brain that, in the long run, end up increasing our vulnerability to stress.
In other words, we fall into a cycle. Microstress reduces our capacity and resources to deal with problems and setbacks, which makes everyday life even more difficult. We end up overwhelmed.
How can we prevent everyday stress from getting the better of us?
The good news is that, since these are small stressors, we also have more room for maneuver. It’s not about eliminating all of life’s irritants (it’s impossible), but rather about changing how we manage them and the importance we attach to them.
1. Name your discomfort
Often, we just need to acknowledge that something is bothering us in order to better manage it. Don’t minimize your emotional experience just because you think or are told it’s “not that big a deal.” Focus on what’s bothering you, even if it’s small, and look for ways to change it. The goal is to gradually “lighten up” your daily life so that it’s not marked by constant stress.
2. Take care of your transitions
Moving from work to home, from noise to bed, or from one activity to another without a break often causes stress to accumulate, simply because you carry it with you wherever you go. Therefore, it’s a good idea to introduce micro-breaks to breathe, disconnect, or simply be quiet with yourself while you regain your balance before moving on to the next task on your list. These micro-breaks are a small habit that can make a big difference in your life.
3. Empty the glass before it overflows
Do some kind of “daily emotional release”: whether it’s journaling, talking with someone, exercising, or meditating. Whatever helps you “cleanse your system.” The goal is to prevent those small daily issues from fueling cumulative stress that can ultimately weigh you down.
4. Review your standards
Sometimes, microstress arises from trying to control everything or achieve everything. Therefore, we must also learn to let go of some things, delegate tasks, and decide which battles are worth fighting. Excessive self-demand ends up adding more stress to an already challenging life. Therefore, ask yourself to what extent your personal expectations are contributing to your daily stress.
5. Value the small things… for the good
Just as small things can be draining, they can also be healing. A kind message, a laugh with friends, five minutes of rest in the sun, a song you love… Don’t underestimate the power of mini-antidotes. Make sure your day includes those things you love that help you recharge and feel more vital.
Daily stress is like humidity: silent, persistent, and capable of weakening your foundations without you even noticing. That’s why it’s important to pay attention to it before it’s too late. Your life doesn’t have to be a drama for you to rest. Sometimes, what’s really draining isn’t the hurricane… but the constant dripping.
References:
Seo, D. et. Al. (2014) Cumulative Adversity Sensitizes Neural Response to Acute Stress: Association with Health Symptom. Neuropsychopharmacology ; 39: 670–680.
Eckenrode, J. (1984). Impact of chronic and acute stressors on daily mood reports. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology ; 46(4): 907–918.
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