Love is not immune to conflict, crises or misunderstandings. Over time, living together, stress and disagreements can wear down the emotional connection. When the “honeymoon” stage ends, individual differences surface and the couple must find a new balance. It is not always easy.
However, problems are not usually the main cause of the breakup. It is the inability to address them constructively. Science has shown that the strongest and happiest couples are not exempt from conflicts, but know how to address them assertively to come out stronger.
Sometimes, that also means knowing when to ask for help. Online couples counseling is useful to rebuild the bridges of dialogue, resolve conflicts and strengthen the bond. It does not focus only on “saving” relationships in crisis, but provides them with tools to grow in a healthy way. In this context, online relationship therapy has become an increasingly used alternative. But is it the ideal modality for you?
The benefits of online relationship therapy
Online relationship therapy is not only a valid alternative to face-to-face therapy, but in some cases it can even be more effective, especially if you have “logistical” problems in attending a traditional consultation.
1. Accessibility without geographical limits
One of the indisputable benefits of online therapy is that it eliminates geographical barriers. For those who live in places where the availability of therapists specialized in couple relationships is limited or even non-existent, online relationship therapy gives them the possibility of choosing the most qualified psychologist with whom they feel most comfortable.
It is also a great advantage for couples who live in different cities or countries and want to have joint sessions without having to travel. In fact, Atlas Therapy explains that “each person can attend the session separately using the same link. This can be useful for those who have long-distance relationships, are separated or find it difficult to coincide due to their work schedules”.
2. Greater comfort and privacy
Talking about such intimate problems as those experienced in a relationship in an unfamiliar environment can create a certain amount of discomfort, which makes it difficult to open up emotionally. On the other hand, online relationship therapy allows the couple to conduct the sessions from a place where both feel comfortable, such as their own home, which creates a more relaxed environment that is conducive to expressing themselves more freely.
In addition, some couples prefer to avoid the possibility of meeting acquaintances in the waiting room of the consultation, which could generate discomfort or embarrassment. Online couples counseling offers total discretion and allows each session to take place in a private environment.
In fact, one of the online psychotherapists at Atlas Therapy explains that “some couples may feel more comfortable discussing sensitive issues in an online setting where they have a level of ‘anonymity’. This can lead to more open and honest communication, which is essential for effective therapy”.
3. Less resistance to therapy
Accepting that outside help is needed to get the relationship back on track is not always easy, so many couples postpone starting therapy for fear of exposure and judgement or simply because of the discomfort of talking about their problems in a formal space. Online relationship therapy reduces this initial resistance, as it is a more accessible and less intimidating format.
By eliminating the feeling of “going to the psychologist” that a traditional office conveys, couples can feel more comfortable and decide to take the first step. Often, this makes it easier to continue the therapeutic process and even allows for faster progress in therapy since the real problems can come to light in the first sessions.
What challenges does online relationship therapy pose through a screen?
Despite its advantages, online relationship therapy also presents some challenges that are important to consider before opting for this modality.
– Connection and privacy: finding a safe space to talk
One of the biggest challenges of online relationship therapy is ensuring an adequate space for the sessions. Unlike in-person therapy, where the consultation provides a neutral, distraction-free environment, at home there may be interruptions: external noises, children, pets, or even the presence of other family members. This can create some resistance to speaking or even affect the depth of the session. Therefore, it is necessary to have a quiet and private space where the session can be carried out without distractions.
– Technological barriers: Internet connection and comfort with the platform
For online relationship therapy to be effective, it is essential to have a stable Internet connection and a suitable device to carry out the sessions. However, beyond the technical aspects, it must be considered that some people do not feel completely comfortable talking through a screen, which will interfere with their level of commitment to the process. Therefore, if one of you does not feel comfortable with digital communication, it will be better to consider face-to-face therapy.
– Difficulty intervening in cases of high conflict
When a couple is going through a severe crisis with frequent arguments, extreme mistrust or very intense emotions, face-to-face therapy offers a higher level of support. In the face-to-face consultation, the therapist can physically intervene if the conversation becomes too tense, regulate the tone of the interaction or even do exercises in real time to calm the situation.
In online therapy, these tools are often less effective. If the argument escalates, one of the people can easily leave the session by closing the video call, which interrupts the process. It can also be more difficult to detect dynamics of abuse or manipulation, especially if one of the parties dominates the conversation or if the bullying occurs off camera.
In these cases, some therapists choose to start with individual sessions to address certain issues in greater depth and prepare each member of the couple for joint sessions.
5 Questions to know if Online Relationship Therapy is for you
When it comes to online relationship therapy, couples often worry that the psychologist cannot empathize through a screen or that technology is a hindrance, according to a study conducted at Curtin University. However, these researchers found that most were able to fully immerse themselves in the therapeutic process. “In fact, many couples felt that the video call created an element of ‘distance’ from the therapist that allowed them to feel a greater sense of control and comfort,” they added.
Research has also found that the therapeutic alliance does not differ between both modalities of therapy. It refers to the relationship of collaboration and trust that is established between the therapist and each person, which influences the results of the therapy since a strong alliance facilitates openness, encourages adherence to the process and improves the effectiveness of the interventions. A positive and secure bond allows the couple to feel understood and supported, which increases the chances of achieving significant therapeutic changes.
However, although online couples counseling can be a great tool to strengthen the relationship, it is not the best option in all cases. To find out if this modality is the most suitable for us, we can ask ourselves these questions:
1. Do we feel comfortable talking about our problems at home or do we need a more neutral space? If it is easy for you to open up emotionally from your home, online relationship therapy can be an excellent option. But if there are barriers to communication or one of you does not feel comfortable in that environment and prefers a more neutral setting, it may be better to opt for face-to-face sessions.
2. Is our main barrier to going to therapy time, distance or schedules? If lack of availability has been the biggest obstacle to going to couples therapy so far, the online modality can be the perfect solution since it offers you greater flexibility and accessibility. So, put an end to excuses.
3. Do we have a stable internet connection and a private space where we can talk without interruptions? Privacy is key to the effectiveness of sessions. If you find it difficult to find a time or place without distractions, perhaps online therapy may not be the best option.
4. Does our level of conflict allow us to talk without the session turning into an out-of-control argument? If arguments easily escalate and you find it difficult to contain yourselves, in-person therapy may be more advisable, as the therapist can intervene more effectively to prevent the session from ending abruptly and to rectify those differences.
5. Do we want to improve the relationship or are we just looking to validate a position? In general, couples therapy only works when both people are willing to reflect, work on change, and commit to the relationship. If one of the two has no real interest in changing, neither online nor in-person therapy will be effective.
If most of your answers are affirmative, online relationship therapy can be a great solution. But if you have doubts or feel that your case requires more direct intervention, it is worth considering face-to-face therapy or at least a first consultation to assess the best option.
In any case, the most important thing is to take the step and seek help when you need it, before the relationship breaks down so much that mending the broken pieces becomes an impossible mission. After all, remember that a healthy relationship does not avoid problems, but rather seeks strategies to face them together.
References:
Kysely, A. et. Al. (2022) Couples Therapy Delivered Through Videoconferencing: Effects on Relationship Outcomes, Mental Health and the Therapeutic Alliance. Front Psychol; 12: 773030.
Abreu-Alonso, J. et. Al. (2021) How Couple’s Relationship Lasts Over Time? A Model for Marital Satisfaction.Psychol Rep; 125(3):1601–1627.
Kysely, A. et. Al. (2019)Expectations and Experiences of Couples Receiving Therapy Through Videoconferencing: A Qualitative Study.Front. Psychol.; 10: 10.3389.
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