Whims are often frowned upon. Normally we understand them as an arbitrary idea, purpose or behavior that does not have a pragmatic objective or that escapes reason. It is an idea or desire that arises suddenly and has a fantastic or irrational component. As a result, we think we should eliminate whims or reduce them to a minimum, so it’s not unusual that when we indulge in some, however small, we end up feeling guilty.
However, the same word that in popular terms has a negative meaning, in the artistic field changes its meaning since it is understood as what is executed motivated by the force of ingenuity, rather than by the observance of the rules. In music, the capriccio is a composition with a free, lively and animated character.
Therefore, the dissonance occurs because we tend to think that the whim arises from lightness or little reflection and that it implies a certain stubbornness in its achievement. However, sometimes there is nothing wrong with wanting things that are not essential, or straying a little from the paths of reason to connect with that part of us that is more intuitive, imaginative or even hedonic.
Whim as a form of self-care
Allowing ourselves small whims from time to time without feeling guilty can be very positive for our well-being. In fact, whims can be self-affirmation gestures. They make us feel good and send us a clear message: we love and pamper ourselves.
Granting ourselves small whims implies, above all, being in tune with what we want, not just what we need. It involves understanding what we like and makes us feel good. It is a reminder not to forget that we must pay attention to the details that generate well-being and promote positive emotions.
Small whims can even help us reaffirm our value as they are a way of telling us that we are present, despite the rush or whatever things go wrong. Therefore, they convey a comforting message as they confirm our ability to take care of ourselves, which will make us feel more secure. In the long run, those small indulgences can also help us face difficult situations with greater confidence.
Those small pleasures provide us with moments of joy and satisfaction, which is why they also serve as an antidote to everyday stress. In a certain way, they help us to compensate for the stresses to which we submit in different areas of life. They allow us to disconnect and enjoy, which can create a sense of relief and satisfaction that helps us recharge our batteries. For that reason, these gestures can have a very positive impact on our mental health.
The fine line between escapism and self-care
Small whims can also become an escape route. There is nothing wrong with that either. Like emotional catharsis, we need a dose of hedonism in our lives from time to time, especially when things are not going well or tensions are building.
However, we must make sure that we do not cross the fine line between self-care and escapism. Falling into experiential avoidance can become a double-edged sword. If we regularly use these small whims to escape from situations that stress, overwhelm or sadden us, we run the risk of developing a dependency on them, turning them into a maladaptive coping strategy.
Giving ourselves small whims to feel better at specific moments is beneficial. Using them as the only way to balance feelings is harmful, because escaping is actually a form of emotional invalidation because we do not pay attention to the message that our inner “self” is trying to convey to us.
On the other hand, escaping is avoiding the problem, but ignoring it will not make it go away. On the contrary, it will remain latent, generating great psychological tension, or even continue to grow. Avoiding ourselves is a kind of self-abandonment, so in the long run it will affect our self-confidence and the confidence that we are capable of solving problems. In these cases, whims only serve us to ignore situations that we should face.
How do we know if we have crossed the red line? Whims as healthy escape routes become a harmful avoidance strategy when we use them to completely ignore our emotional states, concerns, or responsibilities.
Yes to small whims, but under control
There is no doubt that sometimes we need a break from reality, especially when it becomes particularly stressful or difficult to manage. Giving ourselves a little whim at the end of the day to feel better after a day in which everything went wrong, does not imply avoiding our responsibilities or problems, but rather providing a temporary respite. And that’s good because it helps us rebalance ourselves. To manage whims in a healthy way, the ideal is to establish certain limits and plan them. Assigning a budget just for whims, for example, will allow us to keep our finances under control.
However, we should also expand our concept of whim to include those pleasures that do not involve great expense and that we may have banished from our lives due to the daily rush, obligations and stresses. Taking a walk alone in nature, enjoying a cup of tea in silence or taking a relaxing bubble bath are small whims that can help us recharge our batteries. After all, as Sydney J. Harris said, “The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.”
Basically, the idea is that we give ourselves permission to enjoy ourselves without feeling guilty about it. Reconnecting with our desires and our most hedonistic side is also taking care of ourselves.
