The first step doesn’t get you where you want to go, but it gets you out of where you are

Taking the first step is complicated. Sometimes even terrifying. Because it involves making a decision, it involves leaving some things buried in the past to move toward the future. And that feeling can be so frightening it makes you dizzy. That’s why many people remain stuck for years in a situation that is slowly killing them, causing unspeakable suffering, simply because they don’t dare to take that step.

There’s everything: couples who don’t dare break up even though the magic disappeared a long time ago; children who don’t dare to fly and pursue their dreams because their parents manipulate them; people who will remain employees forever because they don’t have the courage to undertake their own projects even though they are brilliant; people who don’t dare to change their lives for fear of what people will say even though they feel deeply dissatisfied…

Why are we so afraid of taking the first step?

In our minds, we associate the first step with a definitive break. It’s as if we’re embarking on a path with no turning back. And that’s frightening, especially because our past is where certainties and sources of security lie, while the future represents uncertainty and the unknown.

Since our brains tend to think in terms of “all or nothing,” “black or white,” they associate that first step with jumping into the void without a parachute. However, the truth is that this step won’t take us where we want to go; it only allows us to escape a situation that is causing us harm and is a source of dissatisfaction.

In fact, when we are immersed in a situation that makes us suffer and affects our emotional balance, the most important thing is not the direction we take—we can decide that later—but simply getting away from that place or person that makes us so unhappy.

When you die a little every day in a place, when a person steals your energy and your will to live, you simply have to walk away. You’ll find your way later, especially if you connect with your inner self and listen to what they want to tell you.

How to take the first step with a firm foot?

1. Assume that it’s just a step, not a path already taken. It’s true that the first step implies that we’ve already made a decision, the decision to move away from where we are, but that doesn’t mean we can’t change course if we feel it’s necessary. Every step we take opens new paths for us to explore, but it’s not a one-way road. We can retrace our steps if we learn from it, or we can stop to rest when we need to recharge. You make the path.
2. Recognize what’s happening around you. It’s important to be aware of your circumstances. Learn to look around you by practicing detachment; only then will you be able to understand what’s really happening. This way, you’ll realize that the way some of the people you’re attached to are incompatible with yours and that the circumstances you’ve created are harmful. At that moment, when you become fully aware of the pain or harm you’re causing yourself, a spring is activated within you that compels you to react and shake off your inertia.
3. Practice internal listening. Connect with your inner self, the one that’s telling you that where you are right now isn’t the best place for you. Listen to your most intimate needs so you can discover what’s really going on inside you. In fact, many people who are stuck in a difficult situation have disconnected from their self, breaking that connection as a defense mechanism to lessen the pain, but it’s precisely that self that is the source of the strength you need to take the first step. A Taoist principle states: “Learn to trust what is happening. If there is silence, let it increase, something will emerge. If there is a storm, let it roar, it will calm.”
4. Take responsibility, free yourself from blame.  When we are fully aware of what is happening to us and understand what our true needs are, it is normal to begin to experience feelings of anger and resentment. We wonder how we could have gotten into that situation and been held hostage by it for so long. However, blaming others is useless because you will remain captive to negative emotions. The important thing is that you assume your responsibility from that moment on and understand that the time has come to take that step, to consciously transform your reality.
5. Move forward, leaving defensive attitudes behind. Imagine you’re in the middle of a storm; your first impulse will be to grab onto something and stand firm. However, remember that it’s the most flexible branch that best withstands strong winds, while the strongest branches are torn from their roots. Defensive attitudes imply being anchored; they will prevent you from following the path that truly makes you grow as a person. If you decide to take the first step toward moving away from a situation that doesn’t satisfy you or even harms you, make sure you don’t carry resentment with you, because otherwise, you’re likely to fall into a similar situation again.

Finally, always keep in mind Confucius’s teaching: “It doesn’t matter how slowly you go, if you never stop.” The first step doesn’t get you where you want to go, but it gets you out of where you are. It’s just the beginning, but if you don’t take it, you’ll remain stuck.